If your parents worked full time when you were a child, how did you feel about it?

[grumpyy]

As a child were you ok going to after school/ breakfast clubs/ childminders/ school holiday clubs?
Did you wish you had a parent at home around to do pick ups? Did you resent them for working all day and not being able to spend as much time with you.

I've just been thinking this as my DM was a sahm and never ever worked bar a little bit of sewing from home. Even though she was around I don't really have memories of spending loads of time with her either. She just sort of did her own thing and I did my own. Im thinking of going back to work now we've had our last and just wondering what it was like from a child's perspective if you can remember. Personally I think it would have been good for DM to have worked pt to build her confidence. I felt she was wasted in the home. (Not saying sahm are wasted btw! But I think it would have really helped her).

I really think yhat both parents working 0.8 and both having a degree of felxibility leads to a good home life. Plus having cash for a nice house, cleaner, good childcare, activities, holidays etc.

So many times women (typically) end up getting fucked over and not having much of any prospects outside the house after they have been at home for 10 years.

My father worked full time but had the kind of job where he could sometimes pick me up . My mother went back out to work when I was @12 and I remember being a little peeved that she was no longer at home most days as she had been before . FWIW I went back to work when my kid was 3 months old - she’s 17 now and to the best of my knowledge and from what she’s said she’s ok with it - I guess as it’s all she’s ever known . Apparently she can’t ever imagine me retiring .

But just to add I am able to do it much more easily than my mum, they were never there to see day time school things like harvest festivals which I hated as they were quite junior when I was a child. I now have access to flexible working, working from home etc and as I'm the manager I do have quite a bit of freedom my parents never had, so it's a good driving force for wanting to excel too! It's a lot harder to work full time in a lower position I think.

It's hard to compare as full time working will be different for different people, I do school drop off, have made all school events, have a generous annual leave allowance and can work from home in holidays too, so it really only impacts 3.15-5.15 4 days a week (as I work from home one day) 38 weeks a year. So I manage 37 hours a week and motherhood easily, and yes I'd absolutely call it easy (until they're ill!)

So I guess what I'm trying to say is it depends what career you carve for yourself. My husband is military so admittedly more falls to me but at home he's very hands on.

Both of my parents worked full time. My grandparents helped out and mum had school holidays off which meant we didnt have to do holiday clubs. Sometimes I went into work with my dad.

I had a great childhood, felt very loved and have a lot of happy memories. I remember my mum talking to me about the importance of education and getting a good job. Neither of my parents were well off but they worked really hard and when we were older both did degrees. I think it set a good example of what we could achieve- My brother and I are both doctors now and although we went to an average state school and there wasn't lots of money floating around I think their example influenced where we ended up.

Mine both worked full time and I hated it. They both worked long hours and did a lot of local church/community stuff on top so I felt they didn't have time for me. I got too attached to my CM and when she retired I was absolutely devastated. Second CM wasn't as good and would sit in another room away from the kids, smoke around us and ignore the bullying of little kids by bigger kids and pile too many kids into a little hatchback, but I didn't realise at the time how rubbish she was and didn't want to get her in trouble by telling my parents. It's put me off relying on one individual for childcare due to lack of safeguarding and supervision.

I remember coming home to an empty house in secondary school and not liking it - it didn't feel homely and I got scared in the winter when it was dark. I was always a very anxious child though. DM was always stressed and frantic due to working so much and that rubbed off on me. We were well off materially, but at a young age I remember pleading with my mum to work less and telling her I didn't mind having fewer toys if she could pick me up from school. Now I'm older I'm glad she had a fulfilling career and didn't have to rely financially on DF, but I think she now regrets not spending more time with us. I intend to work pt when I have kids.

I can't really comment as my Mum worked Part Time and although she generally did quite a lot of hours, (certainly 30+ once I was at secondary) she was able to do the school run most days while I was primary age. Days she couldn't cover she had a swap with a friend so there was no formal childcare.

I am proud that she was independent at a time when it wasn't the norm and I don't recall it affecting us at all. In fact I have very fond memories of the days we had with just my Dad when she worked a Saturday, and enjoyed the holiday clubs and play schemes we did during the holidays.

I only remember one primary school kid having two parents with proper full time career jobs. He certainly had more financial comforts as a result, but he wasn't in childcare when he was of school age, his Dad did shift work and did permanent nights meaning he did the school run and slept during the school day. He was the only Dad who did the school run!

When I was small my mum worked weekends and my dad Mon- Fri so there was always 1 of them at home.

When we went to school mum started working but not full time think it was 9-3 so she could do the school run (We were never allowed to be ill though I remember being ill at school and neighbours having to come and take me to their houses)

Holidays my parents paid the teenager next door to look after us - we loved this.

By the time I was in secondary possibly before they were both full time and we had keys. It was the 80s so fairly normal a d my mum's mum had worked full time in the 50s so normal for my mum too.

My parents were always there for us though, my dad helped out at the football club where my brother played and my mum volunteered at an after school netball club I went to. They couldnt always make school stuff but usually 1 of them would be there. We always ate as a family and did lots of activities together.

They taught be the value of hard work and to be independent but knowing that if I ever fell they would be there to catch me.

I had a great childhood and am still really close to my parents.

Both my parents worked full time and we had a nanny to look after us. We were always fed and cared for but I felt my emotional needs were ignored at the expense of convenience because my parents were short on time.
I also felt left out because all my friends were picked up by their mum or grandparent and I had to leave school to walk down the road to meet my nanny in the car.

“DH grew up with a SAHM and wants the same for his children (not necessarily a mum, but a SAHP at least for the first few years).”

Men may say THEY could SAH, but when it comes down to it, almost never do.

Men may say THEY could SAH, but when it comes down to it, almost never do.

Well, I'm sure that is the case for lots of families. We would probably both go part-time to at least minimise the time spent in childcare. I don't think it would be financially viable for us to have one of us give up work entirely.

I hated it because there were no childminders so I waited in the garden for them to get home. When I was older I had to leave the house when they left for work and entertain myself all day when it was the school holidays, thankfully Dbro and I got on well to keep each other company. They worked long hours and brought work home so we didn't see much of each other.

My parents both worked full time and were incredibly successful and I loved the childhood/life I had.
Gorgeous big house, horses, nice holidays etc wanted for nothing.

Also my parents being so respected and well regarded in their fields (both science) I was always so impressed and proud of, especially my mum who completed a PHD while pregnant.

Great! Why would I feel otherwise? I couldn't have respected a parent without a career.

Really subtle SaltSpoon

Both my parents worked full time & I was with childminders till age 10-11 ish. Had 3 different ones through the years, 2 lovely but the last one I really didn’t like. I worked hard to be responsible & independent so that I could stop going as soon as I was allowed. I do remember being jealous that my friends mums were always there to get them & home in the holidays. As an adult I feel like I almost romanticised the idea of picking my kids up everyday, I changed my hours so I could when ds1 started school & the novelty wore off very quickly from his point of view because he loved going to after school club etc. Since returning to work after ds2 I’ve changed my hours to a mixture so I do 3 pick ups & he gets to do after school club. It’s a much better balance for us.

Babysitter came to our home when I was a toddler.
I went to CM when I was preschool age.
After that my parents had a housekeeper/Au pair until I was 12 when my mom became work at home parent.

It was my normal. I didn't know anyone with SAHParents. In my culture we still view stay-at-home parents as a kind of cute rare privilege. Or very boring & unfulfilling (or welfare scroungers). I was 34 weeks pg before it occurred to me that maybe I had a choice not to work FT after baby was born.

Both my parents worked. My mum days and my dad nights. How they had 5 of us is beyond me!
My and my big sis were latch key kids too at some points.
They used to work all the time and managed to juggle it so at least one of them was able to drop off/pick us up from school. More so with my younger siblings. Me and big sis helped where we could but my parents did most of it and tried not to burden us.
I have nothing but the utmost respect for my parents and all they did. We didn't have the greatest relationship growing up but I think it was because they were knackered and didn't get a chance to ever wind down or enjoy their lives. This made them bitter toward each other and us. They're divorced now and much more mellow but old wounds heal slow. But I see now as a 43 year old that it's bloody hard to do it all.
I wish I didn't have to work but I'm part time and a teacher so am currently enjoying the holidays now.

We went into childcare at about 6-8 months old full time. After that breakfast club ad afterschool club
Out of the house from 7ish am till 6 pm. I remember in primary school wishing my mum or dad would surprise me and pick us up with the other kids. Playdate etc were also more difficult to have as parents didnt see the other parents much. I have very little memories from our childhood relating to our parents tbh. I think having the sah parent around is beneficial even if you are not excatly doing much with them, them being there is good iykwim.

My mum and stepdad worked full time, we had a childminder who'd pick us up from school. I didn't miss them, they weren't fantastic parents though. But I despised the childminder. She was in her 70's (not registered and doing for very cheap) and saw me as her friend and my siblings as devil children. I'd have to entertain her in some way until my mum got home (usually listening to her stories or reading books to her) whilst the others got chasisted for so much as breathing. Caused a lot of resentment. And at 11 I wasn't allowed to go beyond the drive even though with my mum I could go out playing in the village til dark. If I got too close to the end of the driver the childminder would bang on the window.

In fairness to my mum she sacked her after my brother banged his head on a nail and it was seeping blood. Childminder, an alleged ex-nurse, took a full kitchen roll, wrapped it round his head and sealed it with sellotape. Poor little sod was concussed! Luckily 10 minutes after finishing the "head dressing", which was now completely red and saturated, mum walked through the door looking completely horrified. The childminder said "don't worry, we had a little accident, but nurse Barbara fixed it" A&E (and the tetanus jab) did a somewhat better job

Most of the comments seem to be adult-lens retrospection, or (sadly, a lot) of imagined/projected/advance guilt IN CASE their children today might not like the current situation

Nah sorry buzzbobbly but until my eldest sibling was deemed old enough to look after us all every Saturday and school holidays (my parents took barely any of their annual leave because they were bullied not to) my childhood was shit and actually looking at it through adult eyes I recognise it for what is was - neglect. I didn't have enough to eat, was in a windowless room, bored, and used to soil and wet myself regularly because no one had time to take me to the customer toilets. I was so ashamed I didn't even ask my older siblings to help. How the hell my parents couldn't smell me stinking and not think something was up I don't know. And you wouldn't be able to tell looking at them - they ticked all the right boxes as normal, upstanding citizens. The neglect wasn't deliberate, they were desperately time and money poor but it still doesn't change facts that I was neglected. Like fuck did I 'imagine' that.

From reading this thread I think poor parents are just poor parents regardless of their working hours. Good parents make it work for everyone.

@YeOldeTrout where are you fro.? Interested to read more about that perspective

Both my parents worked full time . I am proud of my parents and the standards they set gave me a good work ethic to follow .

California, Anerak.

One of my uncles gushed about a cousin not having to work after her children were born (for a few yrs). How incredibly lucky cousin was due to husband's very profitable business. Being a SAHP is very unusual... except welfare moms.

Another cousin's wife is now a SAHM, their baby still under 18m. I don't think she has many other SAHMs to meet up with but she doesn't want to miss anything. Baby will probably be an only, and they can afford to go without a salary.

My mother was a teacher. The hours weren’t long back then. My aunt looked after me after school, alongside my cousins who went to the same school and age 10 I was a latchkey kid. I didn’t mind at all.
Different times though. I’d never let my 10 year old walk home alone and stay at home for 90 mins until I got home.