If your parents worked full time when you were a child, how did you feel about it?

[grumpyy]

As a child were you ok going to after school/ breakfast clubs/ childminders/ school holiday clubs?
Did you wish you had a parent at home around to do pick ups? Did you resent them for working all day and not being able to spend as much time with you.

I've just been thinking this as my DM was a sahm and never ever worked bar a little bit of sewing from home. Even though she was around I don't really have memories of spending loads of time with her either. She just sort of did her own thing and I did my own. Im thinking of going back to work now we've had our last and just wondering what it was like from a child's perspective if you can remember. Personally I think it would have been good for DM to have worked pt to build her confidence. I felt she was wasted in the home. (Not saying sahm are wasted btw! But I think it would have really helped her).

Both mine worked full time. My main memories of childhood are of being alone a lot. Getting myself off to school myself, coming home to an empty home until older siblings came home later. Nobody around to make me dinner , breakfast etc. I used to look at the other kids whose mums would be waiting at the door for them after school and feel really sad that I didn't have that.

That's why I am a sahm now with my own kids. I have put my career on hold as I want this for my kids.

DM started WOH part-time when I was 8. I went to a child-minder until I was 10, which I liked, then joined my brother as a latch-key kid after school and in the holidays. I didn't mind. I don't remember much time spent with DM even when she was SAHM, so I'm not sure it made much difference to me. DM loved us very much, but had her own issues. I had a better relationship with my DF.

Something that did really benefit me was that DM and DF got home early and we ate dinner together as a family every day. In my teens, I teetered on the edge of an eating disorder and those family mealtimes stopped it from becoming full-blown.

I work part-time, and very flexibly, which I really like but is sometimes a balancing act, especially when DD is ill.

My Mum went to college to train as a teacher as soon as my youngest sister started school. I was 9, my eldest brother was 12. We never had any childcare, we were latchkey children (though my Mum didn't get in too late, at least in her college years).
I loved it, loved the increased independence and being treated like an adult in some respects and not having my Mum around all the time.

My mum worked full time - an excellent role model

Mum was a single parent and worked full time.
It wasn't great, especially when I was struggling at secondary school. We had grandparents in the summer holidays.

I intend to remain part time until my dc's are safely at college.

Getting myself off to school myself, coming home to an empty home until older siblings came home later. Nobody around to make me dinner , breakfast etc. I used to look at the other kids whose mums would be waiting at the door for them after school and feel really sad that I didn't have that.

That's why I am a sahm now with my own kids. I have put my career on hold as I want this for my kids

Funny how no one on the thread's DHs have responded to the trauma of having two working parents by vowing to be a SAHP to their own children.

I was brought up by just my mum. I have very strong memories of hating nursery school and finding the drop off horrendously distressing. I also hated going to after school club at primary school when all my friends were just going home and I was tired and wanted to do the same.

I was always very proud of my mum (she was a head teacher) and she did what she needed to do. I don't remember ever wishing she didn't work but I did wish I could have had different childcare arrangements based at home. School holidays were fine though as she wasn't working either!

I work (started at 3 days per week, then 3.5, then 4 and now 4.5 as they've got older) but my childcare choices have always been to have a nanny so the children are based at home. It's a more expensive option that I realise not everyone could afford (and my mum certainly wouldn't have been able to) but as we can, that was important to me based on my childhood memories.

Oh and in response to @fishlike, I agree - men rarely worry about these things! Though my DH also went part time when ours were small so he had them at home one day a week too. That was really important to me in terms of what it said about our respective careers and also made such a difference to the bond between him and the DC.

My parents worked a lot and I've really got mixed feelings about it. I remember feeling proud of them for having great jobs, DF had an interesting job (don't want to say what as outing) and DM had a managerial role. I also appreciate it gave us extra money, had new clothes all the time, holidays abroad etc.

However I went to grandparents during holidays and childminder before and after school and remember being very envious of friends who had Sahm's. I craved that life of being picked up from school and going back to a nice cosy warm home with a meal ready. Not saying that is right or wrong, just an honest account of how I felt.

I also have very fond memories of my grandparents who filled the holidays with trips to museums, parks, shops and farms.

As a result is has definitely altered how I parent. I'm at home, gave up good career, and will be for the foreseeable. DC come first 100%. Although I also appreciate that I'm lucky to be able to do it.

Fishlike I never said anything about trauma

My husband earns more than me so makes sense for me to stay home. My god some people love to be offended

My parents were divorced and my mum worked full time.

I definitely remember feeling upset that she could never pick me up from school. I had to go with a variety of childminders, of whom none were particularly nice. After school clubs didn't exist then either (80's)

Once I'd started senior school I used to let myself in. I felt very bored and lonely. Again, no after school clubs, no internet, 5 channels on the tv etc.

Things are different these days, the after school care is so much better. That said, I work three days a week, specifically so I can pick up/drop off and be around in the holidays for two days a week.

My mum went back to work when we were at secondary school as a college lecturer and my dad was a policeman. They were both home by 4pm and we had my mum home during the holidays.

I am very proud of my mum's stellar career and I can see now that being a SAHM was nor for her just like it isn't for me.

That said DH and I both have very flexible jobs that allow us to WFH 4 days a week between us. I have made good friends at my DC school and it's very important to me I can do the school run a couple of days a week.

Things are very different from my parents generation thank God and balancing work and a hone life is a bit easier now but I do feel regret at going back to work full time when my first DC was a year old although he has no memory of it at all!

@Fishlike it's a shame it's seen as a female decision. Although I've seen a few times on mumsnet where the men have an opinion but expect the woman to make the sacrifices for it (have seen SAHDs too of course). My DH did mention not liking the idea of nursery when our eldest was young, I understood his concerns but he never expected me to stay home, he didn't want to, so off to work we both went. Now I think he would be quite cross if I said I wanted to go part time or stop working and put the financial burden on him. He works in an environment where many of the wives stay home and the husbands whinge at the lack of money. In terms of care, he can see now how happy the kids are and that this works for us so not concerned about welfare etc (so I'd have a hard time u-turning and saying actually it's better for me to stay home ha) likewise, I wouldn't want him to reduce his hours.

Mum stayed home when my brother and I were little. I like that she took us to school and picked us up - it’s the one thing I feel I’ve missed with mine as we live rurally and they get school buses to school. Mum and I used to talk quite a bit going to school and back (about a 15min walk). I like that we had the evening routine of us getting home, her making dinner and helping with homework etc.

She did go back to work when I was older so I was first home in the evenings after school but by that time I quite liked that. She was always home by 5 ish.

Dad worked shifts so there was no routine around his work. Mum did the bulk of the family and childcare stuff.

Myself, I’ve been a SAHM, worked PT doing opposite shifts to my ex and now work full time as a single parent so all my four children will have had different early experiences. I have been doing term time work though so I’m home the bulk of school holidays. For childcare I use my ex, their older siblings and family and occasionally I’ll take them to work with me. I feel we don’t have as set a routine as I did as a child which I feel a bit sad about but the children seem happy enough.

My parents worked full time from when I was seven. I was a latchkey kid - came home from school, let myself in, made a snack, lit the fire and waited til my elder sister got home from secondary school.
She went off to uni when I was 10, so I was home alone for the whole school holidays.
I didn’t like my parents, so it didn’t bother me not seeing them. And it made me independent as I did my own cooking, shopping and chores.
I worked when I had my own kids, but I used a childminder when they were babies, then a nanny until they were 9 and 7, when they became latchkey kids during term time. They went to out of school club in the holidays. Again, both of them were sensible and independent. DD2 went off to Australia by herself for a year after uni, finding a job and accommodation after she got there.
DD1 used to teach her fellow students how to use a washing machine, wire a plug, cook etc, in amusement at their lack of basic survival skills!
I don’t think any mum should feel guilt about working. Men don’t. As a feminist, I’m sick of a woman’s place being “ in the wrong”. Just do whatever you need to do with your life, don’t waste energy agonising over it!