If your parents worked full time when you were a child, how did you feel about it?

[grumpyy]

As a child were you ok going to after school/ breakfast clubs/ childminders/ school holiday clubs?
Did you wish you had a parent at home around to do pick ups? Did you resent them for working all day and not being able to spend as much time with you.

I've just been thinking this as my DM was a sahm and never ever worked bar a little bit of sewing from home. Even though she was around I don't really have memories of spending loads of time with her either. She just sort of did her own thing and I did my own. Im thinking of going back to work now we've had our last and just wondering what it was like from a child's perspective if you can remember. Personally I think it would have been good for DM to have worked pt to build her confidence. I felt she was wasted in the home. (Not saying sahm are wasted btw! But I think it would have really helped her).

I used to let myself and my brother in but we didn't like always being on our own after school. I always make sure my kids are met with a friendly adult face.

I hated my mum working full time. I was a latch key kid and my parents were divorced.
I hated and really really resented it during the holidays when we'd be dragged out of bed to be shipped off to a relative for the day.

But what else could she do? Part time would've have paid the bills. My parents were divorced and my dad wasn't any help.

So while I despised it as a kid and did resent her for it as an adult I can logically see that it had to happen.

Now DH and I both work full time. I could drop to part time finically but right now I was to work for a great quality of life.

My mum was a SAHM but to be honest, I wish that she hadn’t been.

She had so much potential but sacrificed so much of herself to be home. My sister followed in her footsteps but tbh, now her dc are school leaving age she doesn’t really have much of a life for herself.

What’s worse is that her kids feel guilty/responsible for her instead of being able to just spread their wings and go wherever they want!

On the other hand it was really nice having a parent always there to help with homework/chat/turn up to school stuff. And on cold, rainy days coming home to a warm, noisy, busy house was a great comfort.

I work from home now and for me it’s the perfect balance. My children know that I have a good job but I’m here for drop off/pick up. I bring them to their activities and show up for plays and sports days. And in the holidays they can sleep in and not have to be up and out at school times.

For us it’s the best scenario. My other sister has a child who would love to be up and out at school time every day! So everyone’s family is different and it’s important to find what works for you regardless of anyone else’s opinion.

Mine worked full time, so did step dad and after work they came home to get changed and went out to an activity until about 8pm.

From age 10 I was left alone during the holidays and from 12 I had to babysit younger sibling - including collection from childminder and 2 bus journeys across town to home; all of the housework and putting small child to bed.

It was horrific and it really shaped me as a parent. DH and I used to work shifts so we worked opposites which meant there was always a parent here for the DC each end of the day. I didn't take up a high career because I wanted to be there for the DC. For me that was the right decision. I have never felt that I missed out, I just feel proud when I see them developing into well balanced young adults with good opportunities ahead.

Both my parents worked an awful lot and I was essentially raised by aupairs and childminders. My mum worked outside of the home so much that when my parents separated and my mum moved out I actually didn't notice because I wasn't used to her being around anyways. Their hard work enabled me to go to private school and have fantastic holidays, but I wish my parents had been around more. We are starting a family soon and I plan to stay off work until our children are at school, and even then only work part time (either myself or my husband) so one of us can be around before/after school for our children. I know everyone's different and different children need different things but it had a huge impact on my childhood. I'm an only child so I think the combination of being raised by aupairs/childminders and the lack of siblings to experience that with has been what caused it to be so impactful.

I've done the 'middle ground' and work 3 days per week. Not an option for many so I know it's a moot point.

I do have 3 children and the youngest is disabled so part time is all I can realistically do.

My mum never really worked after having my younger 2 siblings and whilst it was lovely to have around, I'd never want to be in a position of not earning (my dad was never financially abusive or anything but we were a large family and money was always tight)

Brought up with 2 full time working parents. Had a childminder sometimes after school, then when old enough, walked home by myself. Learnt to be very self sufficient (can cook a wide variety of meals) at a young age.
Never once thought ill of my parents. They worked hard to set a good example to myself and my sibling, and to provide for us, which I am forever grateful.

I know they can’t necessarily help it but the people who feel hard done by because their parents worked and say things like “to be honest I wish they’d been at home” - would you genuinely rather have been skint? I mean we can’t afford for me not to work. We wouldn’t have anything nice at all. It just all seems a little self obsessed to me

badwife

She was shouty and critical - nothing was ever good enough for her, everything from "you've only hung out the washing and unstacked the dishwasher, why didn't you take out the recycling" to "only 80%" through criticisms of my weight. I was not keen to have her home more.

I really loved getting the house to myself after school - getting some time and space to myself - it's interesting to hear that some people hated it.

I did notice that my friends with SAHMs were less independent and confident - e.g with chores, meal prep, travelling independently - but they all got there in the end, just often a steep learning curve at university.

Whatever your parents did, it was normal for you, surely?
As a child, life just was what it was. I don't think as kids we have capacity for deep and meaningful sliding doors pondering on our day to day reality.

(Mine worked and I had childminders most of the time. I recall mum working PT some of the time and she'd pick me up after school)

I just think I break my neck to keep my girls happy and keep my career ticking over part time and keeping money coming in. I feel like I’ve done my best. I’d be really gutted if my kids turned round and said they hated it

Holy I doubt that’s typical though. Most people work because they have to work.

I just think I break my neck to keep my girls happy and keep my career ticking over part time and keeping money coming in. I feel like I’ve done my best. I’d be really gutted if my kids turned round and said they hated it

Yes, but it’s a possibility isn’t it? People feel how they feel. All we can do is our best but your dc will be entitled to see their childhood as they see it!

@buzzbobbly I think this thread demonstrates that children are actually affected by how they’re raised and that it does inspire deep thinking.

My mum was home with us and i remember being bored a lot. I hated my brother so never played with him, friends went off to holiday clubs etc and had what seemed to be great fun, met new people and learned new things.
My daughter goes to nursery full time and has done since 9m old and she loves it! she adores her key worker and has her best friends there, she's doing really well in her development, so much more than she would stuck at home with me (that's just me, not cut out to stay home), i have never felt guilty about working, it affords us all a nice lifestyle.
You need to do what works for your family :-)

We wouldn't have been skint at all. We'd have just lived in a 3 bed semi instead of a 5 bed detached house. It was their choice to make. I know which choice I'll be making when I have kids

^^This.

I wish mind had worked, we went without so much due to lack of money. There's plenty of ways to work and be there for children.

We have a really good balance and hopefully they will achieve the same having seen it work.

It was the norm as far as I was concerned. I suppose this was partly because it was the norm when my parents were children (USSR) and bevause most of my close friends and from the same background and had the same set up. Very few people I knew had SAHP, the ones who did I assumed there was something wrong with the mother (it was always the mother). I assumed they were either sick (my mother was at home for a while while she had cancer), too stupid to have a job etc. That said it was common for mothers to work from home/work flexibly. As I got older though I just realised that the SAHMs were just very lucky but I don’t think it really made any difference to their children. It never occurred to me to resent my parents because I thought they were doing the default. Ultimately we would have had a terrible life if one of my parents didn’t work.

My mother worked when my older siblings were small but “gave up work” to look after me. My siblings were adults when I was born and had truanted and had quite troubled adolescences which they could get away with because both parents worked.
I then had to grow up in a family with very little money and a mother who felt dependent on my Dad and was an appalling role model. My ideal would be a parent working part time or from home if it were practical. Great childcare can be purchased when kids are little, but that doesn’t apply to teenagers when you really need to be aware of what they are up to!

IvanaPee I think this thread demonstrates that children are actually affected by how they’re raised and that it does inspire deep thinking.

I didn't say we weren't affected, I just said whatever we had was our normal. Our childish minds are mostly of the grass is greener variety.

We might think we'd we'd rather be out playing than (like pp example) having to sit in a backroom at mum's work, . Whereas the kid left to play outside all day might think the idea of sitting at mum's work the greatest thing ever. None of that means that grass actually would have been greener though, nor did we spend hours and days angsting over "what could have been".

Most of the comments seem to be adult-lens retrospection, or (sadly, a lot) of imagined/projected/advance guilt IN CASE their children today might not like the current situation.

Most of the comments seem to be adult-lens retrospection, or (sadly, a lot) of imagined/projected/advance guilt IN CASE their children today might not like the current situation.

Agreed. I'm sure my seven year old would love me to be a SAHM. He would also love to stay up till ten on weeknights, and to never eat vegetables, or do his reading homework.