Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

Well, whoever the fuck you are, this was my pondering too. Were there really that many, let's face it, peculiar women roaming around looking to form a collective of misanthropes? Cereal killers are very rarely budz with other cereal killers, for the obvious occupational hazardz.

I've always been a complete bastard personally.

Ponders ... is quinoa a cereal crop, I've certainly massacred that.

I once went on a date with a man called Nigel the Policeman who left his watch behind. He began to bore me so i instructed him to leave rather abruptly.

The next day he phoned saying he really loved his watch and he was outside and could he come up and collect it. I wasn't in a door opening mood so told him that i would throw it off the balcony for him. He said, but where will it land? I said, under the cherry tree. I think it was, in fact, an apple tree.

He continued asking me out for weeks, perhaps he wanted to put me under surveillance?

There was an OLD i met, probs called Martin, they generally are. Anyway, he told me in a jocular fashion that his ears were pointed and he could wiggle the ends. He wasn't joking and demonstrated this throughout our short date for fun. I burst into tears because i was so bored and we cut the date short. For a jape i thought it would be funny if i crashed very lightly into the back of his car. I didn't do any damage, it was just a tiny love tap. He was outraged, but it was a SmartCar.

thigh this is why they fall in love with you and always want seconds.

Treat 'em mean and all that! I'm an absolute bitch to DH using him as a bottle opener and offering his services all around the UK for my lovers, but he loves me being horrible and we get along that way.

I keep trying to post but my bastard children are always interrupting. I’m with you in spirit.

Also I am not pretending to be anyone. I lack the imagination / inventiveness.

Hello!

That actually was me. I didn’t sneak into your other post though Dangly and I am not any of the Danglys.

Original Ian, who are you when you’re not Ian?

Oh Project. It’s time to take them to the woods and leave them for a few days to learn skillz. It’s all the rage these days.

I’m still not quite over the unbridled joy of making two imaginary dogs talk to each other.

Thislido I still don't know whether we have a newbie called Ianthedog - seems unlikely. Although it's an excellent username.

Someone else (Noway?) tried to give me her four children. And I seem to remember someone else had loads too. It’s time for the LoinFruitOfThighland colony to be formed.

We are heading towards the end of the thread again - probs by the end of the day. Kerrazzzzy.

True, Ian could be a lurker lured in by the chance to crack an excellent joke.

Where’s little Getting this morning?

Royal posted her children to Project because we decided her life was shit anyway. Thislido prepared boiling oil and set it on her balcony to repel any smallz and I protested that I did not have a DBS.

Probs being upside down in Oz.

I’ve got boiling jam now. It sticks to the skin better and attracts swarms of wasps which provide an additional deterrent.

Well that's a trick you learned on A Wing.

thislido what do you mean "tried to?" I instructed them, from under my slanket, to post themselves to you. Who's got them if you haven't?

Actually, they could still be here I suppose, it's been a while since I checked.

Maybe they're in your jam.

Wonder if they ended up with DT and she fed them to Triangle the fish?

Does Triangle have a healthy appetite?

Nope, I don't have any in Triangle's tank, although he's giving me the side eye but that might be because I went on tour without him,