Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

I'm trying to colour match my bum tip, i think i used to be a 9, but that was when i kept dunking my arse in Project's tea, now I'm more of an 8. Do you offer a tonal matching service?

They do at the make up counter in Boots Dog

Dog haven't you had your colours done? There's a special procedure.

As none of us are allowed guests what you do is go to Reginald's house and walk arse first up the driveway. When you reach the door there's a little stepladder.

You climb the ladder and press your bumhole against the spyhole. You're not allowed to knock cos that's a fucking nuisance.

You just wait with your bumhole against the spyhole until Reginald is next passing her frnt door.

If you're really unlucky Reginald will be away on holiday but you must not move.

Ugh I think I've got oral thrush of that fucker, Mr Dirty Faeces' filthy cock!!

Ugh!!

It's a good job he got lost in the post Noway honestly if he arrives please do reject him, this batch is contaminated, but do not 'return to sender' please!

Too late Dangly. I signed for him earlier. :(

I want gin. It's upstairs though and I'm downstairs. Help!

Well, that's not very welcoming Thigh, even if I am you. I'm actually a 'free pisser' and it is my irreligious right to piss wherever and whenever I like. I can not contain my piss for you or anyone.

Send the thing you signed for to get it?

this I can't. He's broken. And I think Dangly forgot to send his key

You coukd contain it Owlish - I believe Tupperware is very handy?

Noway ok don't panic! I was going to set fire to him so just do that!

Set fire to the vile infested twat and if you cannot remember how we dispose if bodies around here come straight back for further instructions!

I was kind of hoping to get a bit of use out of him first - it's been years a while. Ah well, I'd better fire up the incinerator :(

Noway, all my Tupperware is full of... other stuff currently

noway do you keep your gin under the bed (a wise precaution) or are you making bathtub gin to honour baker ?

owl better out than in!

dog make sure you view the BumTips in all lights. Ask a friend to stand behind you with a mirror. A second opinion is crucial!

Thigh how do you do italics? I am still giddy with joy after having bold explained, but if I had italics I could daydream or go back in time.

Like bold but use ^ instead of *

I don't have a bathtub pooter otherwise I'd be happy to pay homage to baker (who is baker?). I keep my gin in my bedroom so that a) I don't have to share it, and b) I can reach it from my bed.

Does your Tupperware contain frozen mice, Owl? Or parts of dissected corpses? Or stool samples?

lido that's amazing Thank you!!!

AgnosticBaker who has come all the way from Minnesota to provide us with baked snax.

I would teach you strike through but I can never do it on my phone.

No yoga woman, I’m looking for doughnuts, fuck off.

strikethrough

This, erm, all of those and more no. Not at all, honest