I quit. I've had enough

[Mississippilessly]

Nearly 7 month old baby - sleep is getting progressively worse, not better. Pretty velcro during the day. I don't really get anything done. Has stopped feeding from my right. Cant pump to try and boost the supply because I just dont have the time. I look ridiculous. Spend most of my life bouncing on a fucking yoga ball in the dark.
Bored of people suggesting I have PND. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 7 months. I spend most of my time with a baby attached to me.
I'm not eating gluten or egg as he has suspected intolerances but I have got differing opinions from different paediatricians.

I'm done. I've had enough. No fucking way will we ever give him a sibling. What the fuck is the point of my life right now?

Sorry. As you were.

Lol.

Ok then. I will.

Hope you have a good day too.

It's a good job I'm not depressed. A cuntish poster like you could really do me in.

I’m not ‘cuntish’ enough to kick my cat about when I’m having a bad day. But I will enjoy my day, thank you.

Helmlover, by being so nasty to someone at the end of their tether you’re basically a woman-abuser but you seem ok with that, so I guess you and the OP are even 🤷‍♀️

OP cosleeping and BF doesn't suit everyone. Nothing wrong in formula and them learning to settle in their own environment.

My three not only survived this they thrived. Plus I used..... dummies.

Kept me sane. Do what you need to.

For the record, my screaming baby also had a milk allergy and was a different baby on nutramigen (marginally nicer than neocate, but not as stripped down). I would say that only very allergic babies should be offered the rank neocate first, but like all things it's a bit trial and error. There is no effing way I was going to put myself through a strict elimination diet, I just didn't have the headspace at the time.

Problem is I will do ANYTHING
But NOTHING works. I ceetinyl haven't chosen a hill to die on. I just want everyone to sleep. I domt care if that's in the same.bed, or a different one. I dont.care if its 100 degrees or 10. I dont care if it's with a dummy or without. Bottle or breast.
I just want him to sleep. Because I can see that he wants to sleep too (apart from the day he decided to start singing at 3am. It's a really, really good job he is cute).

If I put him on nitramigen - I'd have to give up BF completely wouldn't i?

What reflux meds was he on, what dosage and what weight was he at the time? (The red book should tell you, roughly).

Does he ever get hiccups or 'wet' burps?

He used to get hiccups loads. Not very much anymore.
Yes the odd wet burp.he was never very sucky, so if it is reflux its silent.

He was on Omeprazole and ranatidine. I cant remember the dose I'm afraid.

Hes been on and off the meds.
Weight gain has been good. He was 9lb at birth and has settled onto the 75th. Which is why no doctor is interested because we go in and he is putting in weight and he smiles at them.

@helmlover1
I'm going to be nice because I think you might also be having a bad day and break it down for you a bit too, hun.

Ill start by clarifying - Nothing warrants animal abuse.

This mum hasn't suffered one or two bad days where she got out of work late and then her kid got a cold and then she realised her car insurance was due blah blah blah. Shes done 7 months of broken sleep or no sleep. Would you like to try that?

Download an app which can set an alarm at a high frequency pitch to go off at random and frequent points in the night. Put your phone on the other side of the room so you have to actually get up to deal with the problem. Then have a go at turning the alarm off and not crying when it wont stop, even though you're doing everything you can think of. The alarm will be getting louder too. At some point it will stop, it could be after 1 minute it could be after 3 hours. It will start again in 45 minutes. Putting the alarm under your pillow and holding it down is frowned upon. The next time it goes off whatever you did to stop it last time will not work again. You will need to rock the alarm as it goes off, pace around and not, under conditions, be allowed to sit down. In the morning you will be expected to get up, dressed and make food, pay bills, clean, or possibly go to work. The next night will be the same.

On top of that, op has been responsible for creating and giving the actual food her child needs to survive. No one else has helped her with that. So as well as getting almost no sleep she is doing a physically exhausting thing too - it really is exhausting to create milk and then breastfeeding is exhausting too because babies are heavy and need feeding constantly.

What were talking about isnt just anger or frustration or a 'bad day'. It is a genuine physical problem (lack of sleep) which if unsolved can turn into genuine mental health problems (pnd) which the OP has done amazingly well to avoid this far.

Were also not talking about animal cruelty, really. One quick shove off a bed is different to the myriad ways animals are actually abused. Let's not diminish actual animal cruelty by branding everything that is slightly harsh 'cruel' - especially after it's been clarified that said cat was fine and had a tasty (stolen!) dinner later.

Reading that just made me cry. Thank you
I think a bit of praise has really helped. The paed said we put ridiculous amounts of pressure on ourselves ('especially if you're a slightly older mum, like yourself,'. I'm 31. How rude!!!)

My baby was 8lb 15ozs and on the 75th. He's a proper fatso as well, silent reflux here too.

We really didn't get on with omeprazole, made things 5 thousand times worse, some people swear by it though.

Ranitidine is great - if dosed correctly.

Sympathy. I have a three month old with silent reflux and he doesn't sleep more than an hour, cries whenever he is not being carried by me and won't take a bottle (believe me I'm trying!)

The thought of another four months of this is hell so well done for not breaking before this point! I am sure it can only get better from the point you're at now, it won't last forever.

Oh and this is my second - my first was formula fed, woke up only once in the night to feed and went happily to anyone and everyone. I haven't done anything differently this time really. So in case you think it's something you've done, it's not....

Ok. I'm quietly formulating a plan.

1. hold off the sleep trainer. I dont think there is any point unless I'm sure he doesn't have an allergy to something
2. get some more ranitidine. Give the dr a blow job or whatever it takes to get the damn medication.
3. either - go back on an elimination diet. Or sadly give up BF.

Bloody hell OP. You’re a hero.

My DS was quite similar to yours. Fat, smiling baby but had a myriad of intolerances. He was so big because he comfort feed almost constantly!

It wasn’t until he went on Nutramigen, ranitidine and domperidone did he finally start to settle (and stop peeing out of his arse constantly!).

Nutramigen is eye wateringly expensive but it may be worth trying it.

Dr will give me nutramigen.

I'm so upset at the idea of stopping feeding. I dont care about me, a lack of sleep wont kill me, but I hate the idea of him being in pain and not being able to sleep.

That's an excellent plan. Just having a plan itself will help you cope better with things, the useless feeling of "what the fuck is wrong with you, you tiny adorable bastard?!" with such feeling of helplessness is utterly depressing.

First stop plan - tick
Next stop - implementing it.

I would push that you want to try the mid to
high dose of ranitidine because whatever he was on last time didn't compute.

Agreed!

I'm not sure I can handle doing an elimination diet.
I want to BF so much but I also want my sanity and I want my baby to be better. Stopping feeding would make that so much easier.

But I love it. I'm actually crying at the thought of not doing it anymore.

Sod PND. I've got Stockholm Syndrome.

Stockholm syndrome is exactly it !

Just to answer your question, yeah, you give up breastfeeding that day.

I did mild expressing for a few days (not to empty, but just to stop pain, so just skimming off the excess).

I felt so guilty. I think I poted in here, in turmoil and agonies "My gp told me to formula feed, but am I the worst mother in the world not to do an elimination diet??"

90% of posters told me kindly to get a grip. 10% said basically that if I had to exist on hardly any foods, wasn't it worth it really, so my child could get the best start and they're only babies for a short while and it goes so fast etc etc and other such surreal and silly stuff that it actually made me give my head a wobble.

I can honestly say the guilt lasted approximately 3 days, lol.

Besides, I ended up breastfeeding another child a year later!

That's a tough choice, what is it about the elimination diet that you think you'll miss most?
I might be able to help.

My second son is allergic to dairy egg and wheat so I'm a dab hand at decent alternatives.

It's not so much the food. I found Om Bar a very nice dairy free chocolate, I have an egg and wheat free bread. It's just the thinking about it. It's just the headspace.

Away for 10 days next week..how hard would it be to be away and ff? What do I need to know?

Thanks Elspeth - that's really helpful! The guilt is daft, I know.