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Original poster

Working mums - how do you deal with the ‘you never get those years back’ comments?

144 replies

AprilSpring · 04/04/2019 16:51

So mums who do paid work as well as their mum job how to you cope with the head tilts and comments like
“They are only little once”
“And you’ll never get that time with your little ones again”
“The money isn’t everything you know”

Ive recently returned to work, so far so good on the major juggling act that has ensued. I’ve only been back a couple of weeks but I think someone has said something along those lines everyday!
I’m youngish for the position I’m in (but also had my first child in my 30s) so the women who are making these comments generally have grown up children.

I just smile and say ‘oh I know’ but today it’s unnerved me.

OP posts:
panicmodeonthego · 04/04/2019 16:51

Mind their own fucking business

LavenderFairyrunswild · 04/04/2019 16:55

I went back to work and had many comments. Even my mum says things like "somebody told your generation they could have it all".

My husband is not reliable. I need to work to know my kids will be ok. I know I can support them alone and that makes makes me feel very good about myself.

They prefer food in their bellies and a roof over their head.

RatherBeRiding · 04/04/2019 16:56

You need to find some barbed responses that encapsulate panicmode's sentiment without actually saying it! Grin.

Something along the lines of a VERY frosty "This works just fine for me, thank you". Followed by a head tilt of your own.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Greenlegobox · 04/04/2019 16:57

"Would you say that if I were a man?" and stare them down. Most people will jave the grace to look awkward.

QforCucumber · 04/04/2019 16:57

The money one annoys me - DH's wage alone wouldn't cover the outgoings in our house! Must be nice for them to have been of a generation that could afford to stay home.

A response along the lines of I like my job more than my kids tends to shut people down quite quickly though :)

Greenlegobox · 04/04/2019 16:58

Have not jave!

CantstandmLMs · 04/04/2019 17:00

I'm a Nanny and it pisses me off when other parents say this to me about my employers hiring a Nanny.

chilledteacher · 04/04/2019 17:00

"Would you say that if I was a man" works brilliantly. Particularly if you follow with frosty silence and walk away.

AdiosAdipose · 04/04/2019 17:01

I say "true but memories won't feed them or pay the bills so what do you suggest I do about those?"

MissBartlettsconscience · 04/04/2019 17:02

My particular favourite was always ' in your deathbed you won't wish you'd spent more time at work' ...

My response was I thought I'd be jolly glad of my pension as it would mean a much nicer deathbed.

Rainbodash · 04/04/2019 17:04

"Why don't you say that to my husband? Or is it just my career that is optional?"

PolarBearBubbles · 04/04/2019 17:06

'Weird, nobody ever says that to my husband. I'm keen to teach my kids that both parents are equal in the way we choose to work, parent and run a household.'

Original poster
AprilSpring · 04/04/2019 17:06

panicmode I wish I ducking could say that!

Greenlegoman I know right! I can guarantee by husband doesn’t deal with this shit! The woman that said it today calls herself a feminist!

Ratherberiding Yes I tried stopping in full flow by saying “we are happy right now” followed my packing up and walking off.

QFoecucumbet it’s not even about the money! I enjoy my job and am good at it! Plus like you we all like food and hot water in our house!

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 04/04/2019 17:06

"I can never get the house back either if we lose it through failing to keep up the mortgage/rent payments".

Jessgalinda · 04/04/2019 17:08

I usually ask 'so how did you husband cope losing those years, while you got it all.....I imagine he is quite resentful? Oh is that non of my business?' While smiling?

'Or wow your judgemental. Is it because you are a bit envious'

It's odd cause it's usually bloody women that seem to judge other women.

I show no mercy. Grin

madcatladyforever · 04/04/2019 17:09

You don't get those years back. I speak as a single mum who was at work more than I was at home. I wish I'd gone onto benefits and spent more time with him.
I don't look back and remember any of my working years fondly.

KickAssAngel · 04/04/2019 17:10

"I know - and DH went back to work after just a few days! Shocking how men just don't take car of their kids."

Misswontmissdontmiss · 04/04/2019 17:10

People used to say to me ‘don’t you worry you’ll miss her first steps?’

I used to say....

‘Well, I could pop to Tesco’s and miss her first steps so....’

runningtogetskinny · 04/04/2019 17:12

My then DH decided he "didn't want to be part of a family" when I was 7 months pregnant was actually shagging someone else so I had to return when DD was 18 weeks old otherwise I couldn't have kept our home. Funnily enough no one said that because I'd probably have killed them GrinThe odd person who didn't comment I told that maternity leave was a luxury I simply couldn't afford

PlasticPatty · 04/04/2019 17:13

You aren't abandoning your children. You'll be around some of the time. They won't forget you.

How about
"Yes, I'm heartbroken at having to leave my children to come to work. It tears me apart emotionally. My soul, heart and body long to be with them at all times. I have to build myself up to come in to work at all, and yet, as a family, we really need the money I earn, and as an individual I need the financial security and the intellectual stimulation I get from working. Thank you for your comments, and for giving me the opportunity to tell you how it is." The longer the better. The more heart-rending the better. Have them bored titless and in tears before you finish with them.

7circlemats · 04/04/2019 17:15

I say 'I love my daughter but after 4 days with her I can't wait to ship her back off to nursery on a Monday' and I honestly mean it. I was so much happier when I went back to work (although it is part time) after maternity leave.

SoHotADragonRetired · 04/04/2019 17:15

I don't. I roll my eyes, ignore them, and get on with it. I would literally walk away if necessary.

I'm not on a fucking Merchant Navy vessel. I see my kids every day. I have no time for guilt and guiltmongers.

Jessgalinda · 04/04/2019 17:17

madcatladyforever why did you feel the need to post that?

I am a working single parent. I keep a roof over my kids head, keep them fed and keep them warm. The youngest is now 8.

I look at my years a single parent with great happiness.

blackcat86 · 04/04/2019 17:17

I'm planning on going with 'yes but DD needs to eat. As a woman am i not expected to financially support my child and teach her that women can have career goals to or would you prefer I sat at home on benefits so that you could comment on that to'. Mic drop and walk away.

Jessgalinda · 04/04/2019 17:18

Oh another one is

'Hmm maybe you love you kids more than I love mine?....or what ever line makes you feel better'

And walk away.