Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

pineapple this is the most supportive thread I've ever been on :)

Caroline - once I broke down in my traveller at the toll booth on the Severn bridge. I think I was responsible for a ten mile queue back

That’s quite a commitment, pineapple. You must be very concerned.

Oh Getting :(. Now you've made me feel excluded - I no longer have a dh. I've been trying to source a fuckboy but no luck so far ...

None of this is funny it is stupid and doesnt make sense at all

Huh, OK lido I will be good for your sake.

Hello dear pineapple can we help you? Let me invite you into my home and bring you tea and cake.

Spot on, pineapple. None of it makes sense and it’s seriously unfunny.

It's the work of Pineapple, Noway. She's tricked me into excluding you!! We must resist....

It is

noway I no longer have a husband either. And I’ve neglected to have children.

You should hang around, pineapple, and try to inject more humour and sense. I’m sure we’d all appreciate that.

Struggling to engage with you here pineapple the non sequiturs make me confused

Is it wedding cake, Caroline, as part of our celebration of ‘husbands’? I never eat any other kind myself.

thislido you can have mine :)

Hi pineapple I am new this week. Are you with AC12? Let me wrap you in a slanket and offer you some snax. This thread is mega supportive if you embrace it. Why not give it a chance?

I wonder what Freud had to say about logical sensible humour.

Are you offering me a child, noway? That’s kind, but not after all this cake.

This Freud would say that logical, sensible humour secretly wanted to shag its own mother

I'm going offering your four children this. One of them is quite nice ...

noway there's never a Fuckboy around when you need one! But it always helps to have a checklist in case one turns up. Nowadays top of my list is 1) must do own ironing, 2) must make the tea in the morning because I am like a zombie, 3) must provide a working family car.

Cake? Someone has cake? I have no gin, no cake, no fuckboy. I am bereft.

Noway did any of the decorators happen to leave themselves behind along with the brush cleany stuff?

Four of them you say, noway. Do they work as a team?

noway there is cake a plenty, help yourself! Pineapple has had her chance.

Also why aren’t they baking you cakes?

No Getting, sadly. I think one of them was tempted to stay but then I discovered he'd stuffed the remainder of his lunch (a gregg's sausage roll I think) down the side of the armchair in the sitting room. Things went a bit awry after that.