Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

Sounds like he's safe... For now

I just thought a good witch burning would cheer Thigh up. She misses Dangly terribly

Hello thisters!

Just an update from my Peter Stringfellow memorial tour:

Well my friends I have met a man!! Yes I know I'm married to DH but this is a punter sooo kinky I've started an affair with him!

He likes to be shat and pissed on so saves me moving out of bed for anything at all so naturally I've fallen in love with him and left DH!

I'm just off for a shag/shit then to wash and style my bum hair for tonight's show! Am going for the peacock display again! Need more hairspray!

Oooh this affair is SO romantic! Please give blessings my thisters and wish me and my filthy perv lover a happy ending in all senses of the word!

(Technically he is my kidnapper but he's so fit with his disgusting habits I have Stockholm syndrome and am deeply in love with him now! I told him I could easy escape from him and hide his puried remains in the u-band a la Dahmer but I promise to remain voluntarily captive due to love n shizz)

Danga!!!!

Well, apart from him being a "man" I'm delighted for you. I suppose if you get bored of him we could always burn him at the stake. I've heard dried poo makes excellent firelighters.

Thigh has been lost without you. She's been crying into her slanket rather than pissing on it

Aww Getting well of course I do love thigh and yourself much more than this dirty bastard but I'm
SO enjoying his fetish!

You're right, when I'm bored of the fucker in a day or so we'll set fire to the twat and face around his charcoal remains and be all gay together like usual! Good plannage!

• dance around his ...

Dangly , it was surely only a matter of time until you found another soul mate! He sounds like The One! Please keep us updated re all the rude bits.

Just one word of caution, have you ever seen him fold a fitted sheet? Getting has warned me about men who CAN fold a fitted sheet - or is it CAN'T? - I'm slightly confused - but anyway just watch him. It would be awful if we had to burn him or hang him. Take care!!

Pooter ! [heart emoticon]

But is it CAN or is it CAN'T?

Oh no I don't know what to do now? Murder? Or not murder and stay in love?

Oh and an update on smelly doggy car problem, apparently what I need is CHARCOAL, so a good bonfire would not go amiss!

CarolinePooter I can smell murder! Can you?

dangly does he have any strange bodily markings? Have your hens stopped laying? Anyone in your postcode had the plague recently?
Just take care.

Yes, murder most foul!

It's CAN! Any mortal is capable of not folding a fitted sheet. Only witches CAN. Unless of course it's Schrödinger's fitted sheet, then it is both folded and not folded all at once

It's not murder if they deserve it..

Fair point getting I hope I have not accidentally condemned an innocent man to be burned at the stake!!

Oh but Getting it might be shroedingers sheet and ...

But I love him! The foul beast that he appears to be! (Only known him 50 seconds)

Congrats dangly this is sooooo romantic.

Summer I know it really is so dreamy! Thank you for your blessing thister!

Whatever you do, don't let him distract you from what YOU want in life. You are a half-dog, half-human stripper with rugby balls hanging out your yoni and peacock tail butt hair. You are an independent career woman and don't you forget it! (You're also our Thighland Thikipedia and we'd be lost without you)

Oh and thisters I've had a catch up (love made me blind for a few seconds) and I delight to notice that my best friend in the whole wide world pineapple showed up again!

pineapple you are an absolute living legend!! I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you soooo much for everything!!

Getting that is sound advice and I plan to take it and run with it! I have a little tear in the corner of my fanny now!

Summer you shame me by your gracious support of dangly I should have been supportive like you, and not make her doubt her beloved!

dangly I bet the sheets need changing...just saying ;-)

Dangly, whatever you do, don't let Mr Pooter and his gadget near your bedsheets.

Don't worry, Pooter, I bet Thigh is going to kick her arse for having a man and all of ours for encouraging her

Did you say pineapple ? Something here doesn't smell right.

Pooter it's ok I can roll with a bit of poo as long as it's my own!

Getting I hope we don't get 'done' off thigh tell her I'm still in love with her as ever but she married naked and forgotwhoeelse so I've no found love with a perv but might murder him yet.

Anyway must go for shag soon, Mr LoverLoverBuggermesideways is calling seductively ...

Well no wonder you're pooing like that if he's buggering you sideways