Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

I snorted at the screenshot of the woman munching the wobbly pink thing. Unfortunate as I am on the tube.

thigh only you can tell us why the Texan bats. Are you an oil baron?

Someone has definitely crapped themselves on this tube too. Thighlanders only wee themselves, right? I think if we wanted to go the full pop, we should rethink. It’s not very nice.

My DH is away for the weekend. So are the teens. I’m addled by this potential free time and need your revered advice. Option 1 is to craft a slanket out of hair from the dog basket and attack the secret snax cupboard with gusto. Option 2 is to clean the grout in the bathroom (thank you MN, without you who knew this is something that should be done more than once a decade) and maybe finally work out how to use the iron shaped thing that I’ve been using to block the snax cupboard door from the teens. I know this must have another function as someone has helpfully put a post-it note with ‘this iron shaped thing has a function’. What does this mean? In Thighland are there any suggested alternative pastimes other than gusto or grout? So confused.

Do you have wine? Do that instead. That’s what I’m doing.

1. Order a slanket. You might get next day delivery. In the meantime a blanket or duvet will suffice.

1. Have the locks changed.

1. Enjoy the rest of your life.

There is no need to take up ironing. Keep it though as they make a reasonable missile and it’s best to be prepared.

Does the grout bother you? If so, either lower your standards or shower with the lights off.

Welcome!

Project, how did it go with the visitors, did they survive Tottenham?

Maybe we are reading it wrong and ‘humane’ is a sub-species of bats.

Fuck knows, stupid selfish visiting time- wasting fuckers. I think they were well entertained. I did my bearded Kylie dance and who could fail to be impressed by that.

Suki there is another option of course. Find a fairground and go on the waltzas and get the waltza boys to spin you loads and squeal winsomely. They like that. Pick a pair of brothers and give them hand shandies behind the ghost train. Move into their caravan and when the fair moves on...go with them.

That'll be a surprise when DH comes home won't it.

Why do people visit for work? Can't they use telephones?

It's pathetic.

All work conversations should take place by fax. Even casual requests to see if your colleagues want a cup of tea.

Project if someone shat the train perhaps you should find and interview them. Maybe we are only fledgling Thighlanders at the piss level but this shitter is prepared to go all the way.

Isn’t it murder night? Who are we offing?

It was a little too pungent thigh. I may be a facially tattooed bearded Kylie impersonator with a cavernous yoni, but I have my standards.

We have friends coming tomorrow to 'see the baby' can we murder them? Hes 5 months old, he isnt very interesting and I do not feel like washing my hair!

I think our glorious leader has the solution lone. Text them a picture of the baby and don’t answer the door

Wolf no, no don't murder the visitors. Give them the baby and go find a new Fuckboy, free yourself, you've sacrificed enough.

thigh project oh god im so torn, both of those options sound amazing!

FUCK OFF 🖔🏼 i don't have fucking bats, I'm not in Texas. NOT IN TEXAS.

For the love of Thigh.

Project didn't you give your hotpants of gold to someone as an overcoat? What are you wearing to parliament? No wonder Bx is going so shitly.

thigh is think it’s like NLP. The bots don’t hear the negative, just ‘thigh’ and ‘texas’.

Try ‘Wolverhampton’

Shit, that’s why brexit is failing. I’ve accidentally been running parliament in the nuddy

Went on an OLD date with someone who tried to NLP me. And told me he was doing it.

What a fucking twat, plus his profile picture was a soft focus studio shot. I discussed that with him a lot. Kept bringing the conversation back to his studio session, he didn't like that.

Cunt made me buy him a cup of tea, that's £2 down the drain.