Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

Caroline the Ocado thing was a misunderstanding. Another wicked rumour spread by his BITCH WIFE

Oh, I see what has happened. She's got to all of you too. Her jealousy is astounding. She thinks she can come on Mumsnet and brainwash you all, just because she had 2 children. Well, the DNA results prove they're not even hers.

This is for you Getting

My ex has set up home with someone who makes a Jeremy Kyle attendee look classy. We’re nice middle class people. Last week when he had contact with DD he took her to a tattoo shop for three hours. If you have any advice about what I can about this I’ll be forever thankful.

Shit maybe they're your kids and you're his bitch wife, has he been gaslighting you into thinking you're his mistress? That old chestnut.

This is for you Thigh

Pan did your DD return with full face tattoos of all the members of Thighland? Is the steppenwolf a novelty strippagram?

pan do you have an integral garage?

Just seen a dog walking van that says posh pups do they reject dogs who can't hold their cutlery properly?

She returned with sweets and a mars drink purchased by the resident tattooists. She’s also started saying wart-er and not water.

It’s all very concerning.

I don’t have an integral garage. I do have a boot room. HTH

The sugar is to stop her passing out from the pain. Generous of them to provide the sweets for free

I once met a bloke called H - for Hard, i think. He said"i fancy you so much I have your name tattooed on my dick".

I was sceptical as i had only just met him and demanded he show it to my. It said your name. I was impressed.

I admire people who take a joke too far.

Pantone that was hth that you have a boot room. Are you the first Mrs de Winter? Je Reviens - is that the name of your boat?

Pan you could always teach her a fetching glottal stop - war'er

pan the middle class inoculations you’ve been relying on no longer work and are being overcome by new strains of Working Class. Are you sure they haven’t apprenticed her to the tattooist? You must send her to boarding school immediately. Preferably that one for thick kids with ponies as they are less likely to offer scholarships to clever poor children.

Of course Mr Shin-to-be doesn't use gaslights! Do you have any idea how dangerous gaslights are? He's the Health and Safety officer for 14 different regions, I'll have you know. Gaslighting indeed!

Is it a boot room or a mud room? Subtle but crucial difference. Can you hose it down ?

I admire people who take a joke too far.

Maybe we can get this in Latin as our Thighland motto. Has anyone crayoned us a coat of arms yet? A coat of thighs.

Thislido i always wondered where Anne went to school, she never had much to say for herself. More of a hanger on, just took the back passage to Kirren Island without question.

So true about the middle-class innoculations! They can and do wear off! I was middle class the other day and it was clogs to clogs in 24 hours! Don't listen to the anti-vaxxers. Get your daughter a booster.

This I thought our motto was "Explore Your Inner Thigh"

I always think of a boot room as just a porch really, a mud room is where it's at. Are you an arriviste pan? A bit nouveau?

I thought it was Explore Thigh's Inner Thigh.

Hang on! Isn't this OLD? If not, what the fuck are we doing?