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Original poster

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/04/2019 21:48

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

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MidnightBlue28 · 04/04/2019 22:55

Dangly careful with twirling those tassels... too much speed and you’ll take off like a Chinook helicopter!

MrsCatE · 04/04/2019 23:07

Getting. Bastard Cat is signed up to our great nation. He wasn't sure re species fluidity re DT but I explained about Elsa and sang Born Free to him. After I stitched my nose back on we had another frank exchange of views and he's now busy tooling up and will be on night patrol.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 04/04/2019 23:38

Project German translation is:

I vant to harvest your organs jajaja

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 04/04/2019 23:39

BLUE NO!

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 04/04/2019 23:50

Thislido what's your child catching hologram idea? We have the science honeyz and Reg is v creative. We can all contribute in our own way. Pooter can tell us how they did things before Chitty chitty bang bang was invented.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 04/04/2019 23:54

Cat what is BC transitioning to? A child? I let the cat in because he's violent and willing to be weaponised, if he's turning into a child he's out.

Getting objects to him being a cat and Thislido will boil him in oil if he's turning into a child.

I'm on your side here Cat, I'm helping you to guide BC in his psychotic decision.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 04/04/2019 23:58

DT thinking of you, Project has harvested a fanny for you as you will have worn yours out after your tour.

It's used, but still goes.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 00:00

And we've got a bucket of pubes and bum hair but Pooter has been promised first dibs. You can have the leftovers though.

There....she'll deffo return now!

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Grinchly · 05/04/2019 00:33

Hello Thigh ( waves furiously)
My problems remain the same alas, involving demented Ma, but I truly appreciate the hilarious and somewhat surreal charabanc excursions on offer here.
I am lying down, having no visitors and snuggling in my (virtual) slanket
The fuckboys said they'd be here four hours ago. No sign yet.
Typical.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 00:36

Grinch what of the leopard pissing neighbours?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 00:40

Grinch and your demotion, have you reverse achieved it yet?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 00:55

They're still offering to evacuate my Texan bats.

I wonder if i have shagged a Texan without realising it? Perhaps masquerading as a Midwesterner. I have a bit of a thing for Nebraskans so perhaps a Texan lied to impress me?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 00:57

How i wish I'd kept more detailed notes. "Man with shirt" just doesn't help after a decade or 3.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 01:02

I wish I knew how to do screenshots, now I've got a really angry looking man with a huge moustache and a bald head. Hr looks like a Hell's Angel. What does it mean?

I can categorically state i have never pissed off or pissed on a Hell's Angel.

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Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 06:52

Are you sure Thigh? You've pissed off everyone else

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 07:04

Midnight what did you find in the freezer?

Excellent MrsCat. Yesterday had a newcomer with a 73 year old Aunty who has dentures that can dent cutlery. I thought she'd be no match for Bastardcat Hi Norris

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 07:05

Bastardcat has a special place in my heart. We just needed to break him first

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 07:13

Grinchly this is why I gave up on getting Fuckboys to deliver my coffee. I just hope they haven't shown up at No 14 again. Poor old Mr Johnson can't handle any more surprises. We all know how weak his heart is

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 07:16

Lone it seems I may be a turkey. Gobble gobble

thislido · 05/04/2019 08:03

The hologram idea. This would work beyond children, who seem to be giving us less problems these days, although it’s wise to be prepared.

We get one of those adventure assault course things. A really long one. Easy to lure enthusiastic participants onto it. Easy to arrange a deep capture pit somewhere on route. But how to allay suspicions when they see their fellow participants are not emerging at the end?

Holograms. Enthusiastic running, shouting holograms.

thislido · 05/04/2019 08:06

Are a real pal

Caroline your missed indefinite article didn’t go unnoticed. Are you perhaps Russian? No judgement.

I worked for a Russian woman once. I had to read through anything important and insert all the missing ‘the’ and ‘a’ retrospectively.

thislido · 05/04/2019 08:08

I feel the holograms idea has wider applicability. Might they make more suitable work delegates than Barry the angry slanket? We might finally free Project from being a ‘manager’.

thislido · 05/04/2019 08:09

Thigh why are your adverts suddenly American? Are you experimenting with VPN to cover your tracks?

thislido · 05/04/2019 08:10

Grinchly you must upgrade to a real slanket. I’ve found mine a worthwhile investment.

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 08:12

I was thinking wider application for the assault course. For "husbands" and "managers" and "MILs". Place signs for pubs and Krispy Kreme donuts and your own business at the end and watch them all run

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