feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.

[Dramaqueen2019]

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I shouldn’t feel this way about my son, I look at him and just feel rage and it shouldn’t be this way. I feel so sad about it. I really do. I wish I knew how to change things.
I have 2 other children who I feel only love for, but with DS1 I just feel anger, he’s selfish, lazy and downright nasty at times. He’s making my younger Children’s life’s hell. He doesn’t respect our home, he makes an absolute mess and won’t clear it up. He’s been chucked out of college due to non attendance. He works so there’s that, but it’s hell to live with him, his attitude is disgusting. I dislike him, his views are horrible, I can’t even have a conversation with him because of his racist, sexist, homophobic views. He refuses to pay rent. He won’t even clean up his own room. I feel like giving up, been sat here crying for the last hour as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I would be happy for him to leave.

Fucking hell. Did you contact prevent?

pinkbluestripes no I haven’t asked him if he hears voices. But after speaking to family members a couple of days ago, with my dad he had hallucinations that his dead mum was in his room telling him he was a bad person, and was sat in his room rocking, them he planned everyone’s murders on his street. Thankfully he got to the doctors. Apparently it was pyschosis and family members believe it was schizophrenia but I’m not entirely sure as I was never told myself. He was on medication after that episode, but I don’t know what medication.

fazackerly yes police and counter terrorism are involved and he’s been referred to channel, which I believe is prevent.

You've had great advice on this thread, I just wanted to say you sound like a great mum trying to do the best you can in a bloody awful situation.
We want to love our children but he is making it pretty impossible for you.
Dont feel bad for feeling the way you do right now

MissChananderlerbong thankyou. I don’t feel this way right now though. Children’s services earlier told me what a fantastic job I was doing in an incredibly difficult situation, and I just thought how! I can’t fix it!

Oh, Dramaqueen, you've made me cry. I feel
For you so much, it must be so difficult and I'm just wishing you lots of strength.
I'm sorry I can't be as constructive as other posters but I really hope your son will have some help with his mental health very soon!

Oh bless you. You're doing so well for him op.

I really hope you get the help you both need ASAP.

Fucking hell you are absolutely BOSSING being a great mum, feel really proud of you.

Love is doing the right thing not the easy thing - you're living up to this sometimes heartbreaking truth and that's tough to do.

It sounds like the correct services are at least starting to join up too which is good - you need as much paperwork about concerns as possible, everything saved and somewhere careful.

16-18 year olds are often lost in the system between child and adult services - nag, nag and nag some more - the services I mean, not DS. Trust me, you have to keep on top of any service to for them to push progress but it Will be worth it!

Information is your friend at this stage - the more help they can give you during this hard stage where he may be thrown around a couple of services, the more likely it is that the right one to support you will be found.

We are still here whatever else you need and you don't owe us anything but if you want to keep us posted I would love to keep hearing how you're doing.

I'm not even a mum yet and I already want to be one as strong and good as you when I grow up!

Hidden his name, but this is worrying me.

Latest on his Facebook

And there’s many many more but wouldn’t let me upload more than 3 images

The first pic is from today. This is like a nightmare.

Edited photos to take out others names too who he’s shared these off

Fuck me.
OP you are being so bloody brave. You will get through this.

OP

I really don't know what to say, you are doing a brilliant job and I do hope you get the help your ds needs.

What surprises me is that his computer was not confiscated to be analysed by the police. Can they track his movements without doing this these days.

You are a wonder Drama Queen.

The NSPCC are a good shout to talk to.

Also info here: www.nottinghamcollege.ac.uk/life-at-college/information-for-parents/prevent-radicalisation-and-extremism

Turn off the internet, tell him its a precaution. If he kicks off call the police. If you have concerns that he is a risk to others or himself call 999. They would assess him in A&E.

justasking111 not entirely sure, but the police said that counter terrorism are very sophisticated and can hack into his comp, phone etc.

Early intervention team came out today, DS spoke to them, they said he has very rigid and inflexible ways of thinking, and unusual beliefs, and could be delusional. They’re getting a camhs consultant to come do and home visit with DS for assesment, which DS has reluctantly agreed to thankfully! Thankyou for all your advice.

My son is 3 and I hate him so much I mean I have unconditional love for him but he’s a cheeky little scamp who doesn’t know his boundaries, well you know what they are like, but if my love was conditional, he would have broken the conditions by now ahahah he’s a little git but I love him 😂

Glad they are involved once DS was 18 I am not sure who could have helped.

justasking111 I’m glad too. They said to DS today that if left till he was 18 it would be adult services which are much much different.

They were here for over an hour today assessing DS, I’m just thankful he engaged and spoke to them.

I didn’t warn him they were coming which was risky, but all worked out for the best.

Oh OP

You really are being exactly what a mother should be. You are doing the right thing by everyone. You are so incredibly brave to reach out and access as much support as you can, you have done the right thing.

I really hope that your DS can get the much needed help and support he needs whilst simultaneously you being supported too.

I empathise with your feelings towards your son, I am experiencing similar and it is a constant cycle of anger, hopelessness and guilt.

But we are only human and whether it's our child or a stranger bringing so much stress and frustration to our lives, it's natural to react in this way. You are not alone.

Keep posting here so that you have support for yourself.