feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.

[Dramaqueen2019]

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I shouldn’t feel this way about my son, I look at him and just feel rage and it shouldn’t be this way. I feel so sad about it. I really do. I wish I knew how to change things.
I have 2 other children who I feel only love for, but with DS1 I just feel anger, he’s selfish, lazy and downright nasty at times. He’s making my younger Children’s life’s hell. He doesn’t respect our home, he makes an absolute mess and won’t clear it up. He’s been chucked out of college due to non attendance. He works so there’s that, but it’s hell to live with him, his attitude is disgusting. I dislike him, his views are horrible, I can’t even have a conversation with him because of his racist, sexist, homophobic views. He refuses to pay rent. He won’t even clean up his own room. I feel like giving up, been sat here crying for the last hour as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I would be happy for him to leave.

Well tonight has been awful. A battle of wills because I won’t let him on my internet. I just feel flat at the moment,depressed actually but I need to snap out of It 😫. Got my youngest sleeping downstairs with me as DS1 been in my room waking him up every ten mins and it just isn’t fair!! I hope children’s services have an answer when they come tomorrow.

I really do feel depressed like completely flat. Can’t be bothered with anything. And I know I need to sort it out and not feel this way.

and I’m even more pissed off because ds2 told the social worker that he plays on call of duty and battlefield and I knew he didn’t, so I told her that, asked him afterwards and he said oh no I don’t and I don’t know why I i said that to her. I checked as I have family controls
on his Xbox and no he doesn’t. But why did he say that! Making me look crap! Gonna make sure she knows tomorrow that it’s not true. She can look at his Xbox activity reprort. He rang the police a few month ago saying some guy had been following him to and from school, ended up being all a fantasy/lie. Ugh! (This is my 12 year old with asd) Can’t be bothered anymore with all this.

Everytime I leave the room I’ve got DD1 trying to connect through Ethernet as I won’t give him the password so not going bed till he goes sleep. This is ridiculous.

You are doing so amazingly well OP, it's a hard situation. Enjoy your snuggles with your littlest. If you need to speak to someone please don't forget to seek help for yourself as you are just as important! Hope the visits go well tomorrow.

My goodness op. They need to get him out of there for you. Your life is a misery. Sending you good wishes and hugs.

They’ve put them on a children in need plan, action meeting week beginning 10th June, and are looking for somewhere for DS to move on to. Meeting will be here with children’s services, channel and some others too.

DS took my keys 2 days ago , I had to get the police out and locksmith. I keep telling myself this too shall pass!

DS was put on a child in need plan, and quite frankly it was completely ineffective. The action meeting was good, lots of good suggestions as to things that could be put in place to help him, but then once he started meeting with his actual social workers, either none of the things materialised, or he declined them. I met them a few times, mostly in tears, mostly begging for any help. I got none.

I hope it is a more positive experience for you.

DS will absolutely definitely refuse to engage so I’m holding out no hope at all. He’s already told channel he won’t engage

If it doesn’t work then I can’t think of anything other than locking the door. Social worked told me today that it won’t be classed as child abandonment but that I’d never forgive myself if something happened to him, and I get that. Feel shit for even thinking this but ye .

The problem with what the social worker said to you is that it places all the decision making with you, and if you are anything like me, you probably don't actually know what's best for your DS. We have also had Prevent, the police, social services involved, and I'm sorry to say that none were any help at all. I took him myself to various places like drop ins for young people with mental health issues, and he walked back out again. Counselling, I was paying £80 an hour for him to not speak.

Are you able to access his computer? If so, check and see if he has downloaded something called Tor. It is basically a browser that is a portal to the dark web.

Feel free to PM me if I can help.

After what happened last night and what my younger 2 children disclosed and they’ve not took him somewhere I have absolutely no faith in the police or social services. Police said they can’t take him into custody at his age and they would put it through to the emergency social worker etc, not even heard of them. Had child protection police officers here this morning but they can’t do anything either. I don’t even know wether I should say anything here that the kids said to be honest. I’m not sure I actually believe it’s true myself, but that may be because DS1 is my son. I fucking give up! Me and the kids slept downstairs last night and will be doing the same tonight by the looks of it.

Said he couldn’t go into custody due to his age, social services couldn’t do anything because it’s a weekend and none of my family or friends can have him because they have children. Well so do I!! Not that I think any of my family or friends should have h obviously.

Ended up with the police being here for almost 2 hours last night speaking to all 3 children and still nothing has come of it!

that sounds really shitty for you all, but I am not surprised.

Are you able to contact the emergency social worker direct yourself?

I’m planning on doing that in about half an hour

Gotta wait for them to get back to me. I’m fuming and this is serious stuff that’s gone on this weekend, can only imagine the response if it wasn’t. Ugh what can I do!

Can you try an emergency mental health helpline?

Just keep on OP. It must seem impossible and never ending I feel for you so much but you can see this through,

No I can’t see this through, not after what the kids said. Children’s services said I have to keep him here till Monday and needs to be a planned move, fuck that, my 8 year old said he plays tickling games where DS1s willy comes out accidentally. How that can be by accident I have no idea! And I do t want to take the risk. Children’s services don’t give a shit!

Have you managed to speak to the emergency social worker?

OP I've just read your full text. I don't even know how you're functioning! You are incredible and you're doing so well to keep going where others may have given up.

I'm sorry you are having so much trouble and that you haven't been supported as well as is needed.
Your son sounds like an awful hard work and it's awful that this is causing such a detrimental effect on you and your home life.

You are definitely NOT a shit parent. 💐

Yep she said they are trying to sort it but can’t till monday so he would be on the streets tonight. Not sure how true that is though if he rings emergency number. I don’t want to go to sleep because of what he might or might not be capable of. He has no remorse and I’m not sure he would care as long as he got revenge.

That is very worrying. Have you asked the younger children's school for help? You may get further taking action from they're point. May be helpful if someone else is supporting you and also fighting your corner?