feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.

[Dramaqueen2019]

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I shouldn’t feel this way about my son, I look at him and just feel rage and it shouldn’t be this way. I feel so sad about it. I really do. I wish I knew how to change things.
I have 2 other children who I feel only love for, but with DS1 I just feel anger, he’s selfish, lazy and downright nasty at times. He’s making my younger Children’s life’s hell. He doesn’t respect our home, he makes an absolute mess and won’t clear it up. He’s been chucked out of college due to non attendance. He works so there’s that, but it’s hell to live with him, his attitude is disgusting. I dislike him, his views are horrible, I can’t even have a conversation with him because of his racist, sexist, homophobic views. He refuses to pay rent. He won’t even clean up his own room. I feel like giving up, been sat here crying for the last hour as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I would be happy for him to leave.

Oh Op, just read your full thread - how awful for you. To be honest, I'd kick him out and change the locks - he can go to his dads or somewhere else but at 17 he's old enough to sort himself out. Don't let him bully you or your other DCs anymore. Good luck!

Will see what happens with children’s services tomorrow, they couldn’t do anything yesterday when I rang as was the weekend.

I got kicked out at 16. For nothing other than my step mum disliking me. Kick him out op. He's interfering with your younger kids? Out. You w done enough.

Good luck today OP. Sounds like he is one troubled individual who needs professional help. I think you need to be totally hardnosed with SS today, and say that the risk is too great for him to remain with you and that they need to remove him to a place of safety/therapy.The problem with that is that those places costs them, and so they are reluctant to do that if they think you can cope. You need to be clear that you cannot cope.

Have you tried someone like NSPCC for advice?

this is the NSPCC's help and advice number 0808 800 5000

My DS was a nightmare at 17. If I could have divorced him and never seen him again I would have , but I couldn't because he was my son and I love him. My other Ds was also a really difficult teen in a different way but equally challenging.

You just have to hang on in there. My DS'are grown now and are both wonderful, caring men whom I'm really proud of. It does get better, just those teenage years are awful. I was so stressed and had younger children who suffered too. I just kept telling them that I trusted them to make good choices in their lives even though at the time they were making terrible ones in the hope they would start to !

Op, I think your instincts about your son are right and you are doing everything you can to protect your other sons.

Wishing you strength to cope. Would ds1 go to his Dad's?

Everytime I leave the room I’ve got DD1 trying to connect through Ethernet as I won’t give him the password so not going bed till he goes sleep. This is ridiculous.
Take the Router with you. When you go to sleep slip it into the pillowcase, flip the pillow over and sleep on it. Confiscate the Ethernet cable.

DS took my keys 2 days ago , I had to get the police out and locksmith. I keep telling myself this too shall pass!

Buy a bumbag and put house and car keys, wallet etc in their OR get a keypad on your bedroom door (so only accessible by tapping in a code) and put things you don't want him to access in your bedroom.

I'm sorry you and your younger children are going through this - you are all in a tough place. His father needs to step up here - sounds like you are bearing the lion's share of this burden.

Social Services etc may have meeting after meeting, mean well and tick off their boxes but, at the end of the day, you are left to deal with this, protect yourself and your younger children. I applaud your strength. I'm not sure if, at this stage, I personally would not now have changed the locks to the house and dealt with the consequences afterwards. At least your younger ones would be safe.

Maybe consider getting yourself some 1:1 counselling once he is gone as your emotions will be all over the place and you may then also be in a more depressive state.

Courage and strength to you. 🌹

Social worker is coming out today after school to speak to the kids, she’s also put the referral in to young persons housing and DS1 will be going with her for an interview there to decide what level of support he needs.
Police were considering issuing a ppo when they came out after I reported what younger DS had told me, to remove younger DS for his safety, but the other officer said she didn’t think that they needed to go that far. I would have not been impressed, if anyone should be removed it should not have been him.
His dad won’t have him, and he can’t right now anyway as he’s in hospital.

And I’m sure DS1 doesn’t understand everything properly. Yesterday he asked why there’s such a big police presence round here lately, so I said oh maybe the area, he said no I mean at our house, so I said what do you mean? Because of you, do you understand that? He said no not really then asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him

Supported housing makes it difficult and expensive apparently because he’s in work. Action meeting on Tuesday.

Like arganlady my DM dumped me at the local housing office with a bin bag of clothes and told them I had nowhere to live any longer, at 16.

For yours and your other kids safety I would advise you to get the locks changed and tell him he needs to leave. If he was willing to engage in any help or support then there’d be a chance for this to work out, unfortunately he isn’t.

And the willy accidentally coming out during tickle games at 17?! I can not believe the police didn’t react to that!!!!!!

So he's sexually abusing his brother on top of everything else. I hope they all pull their fingers out and start helping you soon op!!

He won't be in work when his employer finds out what he's been doing to his younger siblings, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

I hope he's been booted out of the house now. It's not your problem whether he sleeps on the street or not when you've got innocent victims to protect.

How are things moving along OP?

As he is 20 now I doubt it. Also you gave your personal email. reported for that.