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Original poster

feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.

443 replies

Dramaqueen2019 · 03/04/2019 21:32

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I shouldn’t feel this way about my son, I look at him and just feel rage and it shouldn’t be this way. I feel so sad about it. I really do. I wish I knew how to change things.
I have 2 other children who I feel only love for, but with DS1 I just feel anger, he’s selfish, lazy and downright nasty at times. He’s making my younger Children’s life’s hell. He doesn’t respect our home, he makes an absolute mess and won’t clear it up. He’s been chucked out of college due to non attendance. He works so there’s that, but it’s hell to live with him, his attitude is disgusting. I dislike him, his views are horrible, I can’t even have a conversation with him because of his racist, sexist, homophobic views. He refuses to pay rent. He won’t even clean up his own room. I feel like giving up, been sat here crying for the last hour as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I would be happy for him to leave.

OP posts:
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middleeasternpromise · 22/04/2019 21:12

Well played Dramaqueen - tempting though it is to challenge him, I would keep it strictly poker until you have some ideas about how the other agencies are going to respond. I just hope the police can do something about this dangerous individual in the states. These are the times when technology feels very much the enemy.

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 22/04/2019 21:49

Thts what I said to my Cousin today, that technology doesn’t help, would have been so much harder to get into anything like this in the days before tech.

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justasking111 · 22/04/2019 22:11

I suspect the individual may not be working alone but part of a much bigger picture.

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Families
justasking111 · 22/04/2019 22:12

How on earth do teenagers find these weird websites chat rooms, are they groomed from computer games I wonder?

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 22/04/2019 22:45

No idea how they find these websites. I know my DS plays hearts of iron and flight sims, not sure what else.

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Ilovemysleepthief · 22/04/2019 22:59

Are The early intervention team going to have him assessed by a psychiatrist? Sounds terrifying having to go through this alone Sad

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 22/04/2019 23:15

He’s being assessed yes, he had an initial assesment by early intervention, then an assesment by a camhs psychiatrist and he is coming out for a second assesment on Wednesday. A woman from early intervention came along with the psychiatrist from camhs also.

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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 22/04/2019 23:28

This is what he thinks about the assessments though

feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.
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Gamechanger12e3 · 23/04/2019 00:46

OP you are amazing!! You have done all you can do in terms of getting him support.

On another note though, i really do feel you need to safeguard yourself and other 2 children now. If you were to make him leave I'm assuming he wouldn't have easy access to this online community as he wouldn't have the internet? Also as now other services are involved they'd want to house him to keep an eye as hes high risk.
He could be told to hurt you or your children by his online friends as your a 'sinner'. You and your children are not safe in that house with him in his current state xx

MerryInthechelseahotel · 23/04/2019 10:54

How are things now Dramaqueen?

MadeForThis · 23/04/2019 11:46

You're doing an amazing job. Stay strong.

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 11:55

gamechanger exactly what keeps going through my head, but without him coming to Connexions about supported housing, there’s not much I can do, and Children’s services aren’t interested! I don’t want him here, well I do, to keep an eye on him, but I worry about the younger two.

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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 11:56

He just keeps telling me this is all on me and if he can’t be a pilot now it’s all my fault, all mine.

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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 11:57

Someone previously mentioned callous unemotional traits... just read up on it... spot on.

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justasking111 · 23/04/2019 17:21

I had a good old nose around that game Hearts of Iron, very interesting, especially reading the geeks on the forums I can see ripe pickings for someone looking for young uninformed minds to mould.

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 19:40

I’ve never even looked at the forums, I’ll take a look now.

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Butteredghost · 23/04/2019 21:29

Oh drama this is just awful, I am crying for you reading this thread. What a nightmare. Stay strong - you are doing the right things. Hoping that your son, your real son, not this extremist version, comes back to you one day.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 23/04/2019 21:34

I just wanted to add my admiration for your courage in an unbelievable situation. It's ironic that Children's' Services didn't want to be involved because you are parenting so well! I'm furious, on your behalf, that his father seemed to give him back to you when things got too difficult? However, it is a good thing he did because you have taken the necessary action.

I hope this can be resolved safely for everyone. I have absolutely no insight into what can have caused your DS to head in such a dangerous direction. I think, from RTFT in one go, that you have moved from despair through frustration to anger? Stay strong and know that many people are watching out for you, if we could do more we would.

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 22:14

More than angry, I just hate this! Does this look like grooming to you or not? I don’t even know what’s going on here. Details been took out

feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.
feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.
feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.
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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 22:15

My DS is the messages in green

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MrsJDornan · 23/04/2019 22:18

Oh op Thanks I'm sorry you must be so stressed when are they coming back to talk to him? Are you going to show these messages?

Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 22:23

The psychiatrist from camhs is here in the morning at 10 thank the lord! and I’ve already passed these messages and a few others onto the man from channel.

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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 22:24

I’ll be showing the messages to camhs too in case he tries to pull the wool over their eyes which I know he will.

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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 22:25

I also recorded him from outside his room talking in a fake American accent. So can show them that too. It’s all so weird! So so weird!

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Original poster
Dramaqueen2019 · 23/04/2019 22:28

I’m actually really mad at children’s sevices! It’s not just DS that’s a worry, but also 2 younger children! Feel like ringing them and saying he isn’t staying here and as he’s 17 they have a duty of care! But I know nothing will come of it 😫

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