feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.

[Dramaqueen2019]

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I shouldn’t feel this way about my son, I look at him and just feel rage and it shouldn’t be this way. I feel so sad about it. I really do. I wish I knew how to change things.
I have 2 other children who I feel only love for, but with DS1 I just feel anger, he’s selfish, lazy and downright nasty at times. He’s making my younger Children’s life’s hell. He doesn’t respect our home, he makes an absolute mess and won’t clear it up. He’s been chucked out of college due to non attendance. He works so there’s that, but it’s hell to live with him, his attitude is disgusting. I dislike him, his views are horrible, I can’t even have a conversation with him because of his racist, sexist, homophobic views. He refuses to pay rent. He won’t even clean up his own room. I feel like giving up, been sat here crying for the last hour as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I would be happy for him to leave.

ontheedgeofthenight I bottled it after 3 hours and came home to let him in. Ugh.
Asked him to come back at half eight today because I was tired (not the real reason) I needed him here because fire brigade came round to speak to him about fire safety. But he hasn’t come back and now I’m in bed.
He just said no and leave a door open. No, not doing that.
Plus side I have lots of fire alarms now! Ohhh and Children’s services have rang today after getting yet another referral through from mental health, they’re ringing me back tomoz and have agreed that he can’t stay here. Asked me if any family can have him, I told them no because they all have children.

thatcurlygirl youngest DS is in with me now.

He said he were at his dads earlier when he wouldn’t come back.

How have things been today?

He’s leaving tomorrow

I went to take my youngest to cubs, left my 12 year old here (it’s round the corner) when I got back, DS1 had come round, made DS2 leave with him against his will locked all doors so me and ds3 couldn’t get in, rang ds2 made him come home. Last straw! How dare he! He’s going to his dads in the morning for now, and Children’s services will be finding him alternative accommodation. DS1 told me I’m horrible, that’s fine.
How dare he! He asked me could he come here after he had been at his dads, I said yes back at 9 after cubs, so he purposefully came here at 8.45 and took ds2 and locked us all out.
Feel like I can’t sleep because he’s here. Which is ridiculous.

How dare he take my child! I was so close to ringing the police, if ds2 had come back a minute later that’s what I would have done.

Wouldn’t have know where ds2 was if it wasn’t for my neighbour telling me DS1 had took him.

Sorry I meant picking DS up from cubs not taking him.

That truly is awful OP - thank god for your neighbour. My heart aches for you and I hope you get help soon the alternative accommodation is for the best.

Just read the thread.

OP I truly hope that all the agencies come together to help keep all of you safe. Because I can hear that you don't feel safe, and that your younger children are not safe.

Please please report your older child taking the younger one to the authorities. They need to be ensuring there isn't a next time.

And I'm so angry on your behalf that camhs let you down when he was younger. Twice. If they had provided the needed support then you might not be in this position now.

You are not the problem. Look after yourself and your younger boys and keep asking for others to look after your eldest until it is safe for him to be back with you and his brothers.

I would have rung the police. You poor thing. He needs to go.

He's absolutely a danger. I would have wanted him out tonight too op.

Hopefully will be sorted tomorrow. His dad asked if I could just keep him here for tonight which of course I said yes to. Children’s services who rang today said they had had a meeting and the result is an assesment needs to be carried out and they will be looking into alternative accommodation for him. DS1 is refusing saying he’d rather live on the streets than pay rent but I’m sure he will change his mind. He said what will happen if I refuse to go, i said well your under 18 so you have to. I obviously don’t want him wandering round the streets. I still love him whatever DS1 thinks. I feel like shit.

emerencealwayshopeful I didn’t report him to the police but I’ll be making children’s services aware of it tomorrow. I didn’t know whether I should have reported to police. God I’m rubbish at this. I’m so angry at him for doing that!

I never thought he would do that or I wouldn’t have left ds2 here, ds2 had already had a bad day, I had to ring school today as someone on the bus was telling him to hang himself and telling everyone else to stay away from his sort (autistic) I feel so bad for him, he’s had a horrible day 😕
He was happy though before today because yesterday his teacher rang me just to tell me what a kind hearted boy I had (this is ds2) and said I should be proud. I just thought, yeah must be luck not parenting, as look at DS1 🙄

DS1 clearly hates me

Just he is pushing you because you are his mum. Whatever emotion he is showing towards you (ie hate), you have to rise about it and not give him the responses he wants from you.

What Young Minds told me to do is apply some of the same tactics as I used from when DS was first diagnosed with autism, ie be calm, clear, concise. Easier said than done I know, but I find that when I respond to his behaviour in kind by getting angry, that's when the plot is truly lost.

Good that you have got CS involved, but don't let them fob you off. You need action and you need it now. So keep asking what they can do for you/DS now.

Good luck x

Children’s services finally came out today, later than they said but never mind and they will be back tomoz. I do get the impression they will fob me off though.

How did it go today?

I’m not sure how it went. They had a strategy meeting on Friday and will be out again on Wednesday so I will know more then. She told me to not argue with him and just walk away and that he knows what he’s doing while he’s acting so calm. She told me to take the internet away from him, which I did while she was still here, he went in a strop telling her she has no jurisdiction etc. After he said children’s services better find him a place quick cos he’s not spending a minute longer than he needs to in my house. DS hasn’t spoke a single word to me since! Not one.

He told the woman from children’s services if I stop him using the internet he’s going to cut my wires, she advised him that that was fine but I’d be phoning the police as it’s criminal damage. This seems to be going on forever!

How are you this week op? I’ve been thinking about you x

Op just a thought, do you feel that he has an AntiSocial Personality Disorder?

OP

Please let us know that you and your younger sons are safe.

You are doing brilliantly. Please know that. This isn't your fault. And you are not to blame for your younger son being victimised either.