feel awful, I look at my 17 year old and feel hate.

[Dramaqueen2019]

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I shouldn’t feel this way about my son, I look at him and just feel rage and it shouldn’t be this way. I feel so sad about it. I really do. I wish I knew how to change things.
I have 2 other children who I feel only love for, but with DS1 I just feel anger, he’s selfish, lazy and downright nasty at times. He’s making my younger Children’s life’s hell. He doesn’t respect our home, he makes an absolute mess and won’t clear it up. He’s been chucked out of college due to non attendance. He works so there’s that, but it’s hell to live with him, his attitude is disgusting. I dislike him, his views are horrible, I can’t even have a conversation with him because of his racist, sexist, homophobic views. He refuses to pay rent. He won’t even clean up his own room. I feel like giving up, been sat here crying for the last hour as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I would be happy for him to leave.

Sorry I would reply but DS found this thread, which is why I’ve not replied. May be a good thing though :) xx

Don’t know how to post now seeing as he’s seen this!

He said I found your mumsnet thread, I said ok. He said we need to get rid of the hate here. (Hope you’re listening DS) I explained it’s not him I hate just his behaviours. He said he’s moved away from it. So we shall see. Hi DS 👋

Explained how it’s hard to feel anything good about someone, son or not, when they have so much hate in their heart towards everyone. He disagrees with my description. But that’s the way I see it. I hope he knows I live him anyway.

Love *

His case has gone to multi agency channel panel today (nothing you’re u aware of DS) and I will hear back of them before the end of the week.

Your doing great op.

DS, your Mum loves you very much and your thoughts and feelings are disturbing for strangers, you must be able to see how awful they make someone who loves you feel?

You're

Thankyou

How's it going op?

Hi OP's DS - HRTWT but your DM wants to help you really, but you aren'tt making it easy for her.

It's excruciating isn't it - why don't they see it more your way? They would if they could but generally life is quite a tough thing and it really can't go our own way. It would be so much harder for you if you were thrown out, please try and make your home a more pleasant place for everyone.

Your Mum really does have a point about burning bits of paper - the littlest things can start really big fires that can easily get out of control.

Aviation is a great industry to work in - there's so much more that needs to be done besides being a pilot and flying planes. Good Luck Op's DS.

I don’t think he’s talking to me, came home from work and went straight to bed.
Not spoke to him since yesterday.

Locking the doors tomoz and going out with the younger kids for the night. Sounds harsh but I’ve told Children’s services that’s what I’ll be doing by email. I can’t do this anymore. Life is hell. Really awful

@JustPondering2019

I'm sorry it's so awful for you. Maybe getting away would be a good thing.

Google pathological demand avoidance - a type of asd. I wonder if it may be this? Sorry you are going through this.

I just wanted to offer a hand hold as someone going through similar with their DS. We have hit so many new lows over the last 8 months or so, that I have started to become numb to it all.

I'm in two minds about Prevent. But hope that it helps.

Is he smoking weed? We didnt kjow our don was
He hid it really well. Made him exactly the same. I bought online urine tests and made him do one. Came up positive so called Frank for advice and dealt with it from there on. Even if youvtjink drugs are unlikely i wouldnt rule them out.you mention stealing money so it sounds reasonable.

Best thing you can do as a parent is to put him out. Not threaten to put him out, put him out! Im guessing he hasn't had a whole load of discipline in his life and left the way it is is only gonna get worse.

Ive just RTFT and see you say he says he's really anti drugs which is what i just suggested.it does sound like he is in a completely delusional psychotic state, but bear in mind my son and my brother in law who also had similar psychotic delusional episodes to what you are describing were both smoking cannabis and both claiming convincingly ro be ardently anti drugs.
My BIL sounds a lot like your son. His schizophrenia and psychosis and other episodes were belived to have been triggered by cannabis as a teen.his ideas were also completely ridiculous, he believed he was going to be a supreme ruler, could only speak to special people as others weren't entitled to be included or would understand,thpugh he was special always had secret plans, etc at times and the only thing which helped was for him to be sectioned and treated with meds until he stabilized it's really exhausting dealing with that level of unpredictability and irrationality so I completely feel for you, coupled with the stress and disruption of really appalling ultra teenag-ism, total nightmare. Even though you want to stop, just keep going.upure doing great!!!.sending hugs.

How are you OP?

Not good

My youngest son has just come down crying because of him this is ridiculous

What happened about putting him out of the house?

@JustPondering2019 think you may have had a name change fail sorry if I'm wrong just in case you need to change back for any reason xx

Is your younger one safe? Can you have him in with you at nights while dynamics are so difficult in the house?

You poor thing

We're here for a hand hold @JustPondering2019