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Original poster

Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 01/04/2019 19:07

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

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18
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 10:28

I'm really shocked that no men come to Thighland to try and date us - there's loads of women right here who'll do owt for a monster munch. Not me obvs since I've already had my hymen repair operation.

OP posts:
CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 10:31

thigh are you trying to tell us something?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 10:35

pooter i don't think I am, but i may have suppressed a subliminal message and be unaware of it.

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TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 10:47

Why does my baby cry everytime i go to eat. How do I tell him to piss off in the nicest possible way without biting his head off from severe hunger?

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 10:54

LoneWolf You must put on your earphones and crank up your fave music very loud and eat your snax oblivious of the screeching and enjoying your tunes!

Babies can be greedy, they have had their milk and now they want our snax! Just NO!

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 10:56

wolf your baby is just training you. He is now your pack leader and must get first dibs on all the food. Is he a rotund child?

Butteredghost · 02/04/2019 10:58

MrsCatE I'll try changing his bowls, the poor thing really looks gross.

TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 10:59

He is a very greedy child, I fear I may have to release him into the wild to fend for himself. The constant snack interruptions are unacceptable. I JUST WANT MY BACON AND EGGS!!

TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 11:00

He will never lead my pack!

M3lon · 02/04/2019 11:02
keepforgettingmyusername · 02/04/2019 11:03

My toddler has just thrown an almighty tantrum all the way around Tesco. I could have walked out but had to purchase his ridiculously expensive Oat milk. Am also now skint. How can I rediscover the loving feelings I had re toddler earlier today?

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 11:03

Ha! Forget about hot food! Put the bacon in a sandwich for later. Scoff it quick while he's distracted by looking at himself in a mirror.

TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 11:05

Reason number 15786 to never have a second child- unbearable hunger and lack of snax.

TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 11:09

keepforgetting I think in your case it may be best to just throw the whole baby away and start again. Oat milk is not acceptable.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 11:10

Hello M3 howzit hanging love? Can I interest you in a tipple on this fine Tuesday morning?

Pint of Wodka ... or Winka?

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 11:13

keepforgetting I agree with Lone. That one's broken, take it back and demand a refund from God! He will understand once he's done a few nappies and nightshifts in our world! Then you won't be skint anymore!

Everyone's a winner!

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 11:14

Yes but it might be like those mad families who have 6 boys because they are desperate for a girl....forgetting can you do internet shopping? I have just found out Holland and Barrett do free delivery over £20, and have saved a fortune on buying my peppermint tea.

TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 11:17

Have one of you peed in a hotel kettle recently? It seems someone on AIBU is having trouble regarding hotel kettle piss.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 11:17

Pooter that's a point, could get the same problem with the next one, or worse! Just ignore the child until you do like it again, I reckon!

Is Holland and Barrett a place that does ready made bum tea to save us steeping our own enormous bums?

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 11:20

Lone I read a bit of that when I forgot not to look in AIBU, I did think it was one of us having an accident whilst trying to steam our fanny a la Gwynnie Paltrow!

It's because we are all incontinent now, we are just used to pissing our slankets and have no control anymore! It's a good thing!

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 11:20

Was it the Ritz? Could be some of Gwynnie's disciples who couldn't read the instructions.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 11:21

It might have been thigh she did it once!

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 11:23

dangly dunno about bum tea, I read as far as "accepts Paypal" and pressed the button!

TheLoneWolfDies · 02/04/2019 11:27

Dangly I just can't help myself. I tell myself theres no point in looking because its all the same crap and everyone is nuts but it just draws you in. What if they are BU? What if they should LTB? What if their DD SHOULD have been invited to that party? So many questions.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 11:29

What's wrong with pissbum tea? Just caring n sharing innit? People are sooo picky. Probs *pineapple pissing in kettles through sheer jealousy, she seems the type.

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