Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

My ad is for bloody 'pretty' dresses Ugh!

This is because I forgot not to look in S&B and clicked on a trending topic out of purely being a nosybonk.

It was declaring THE school run dress! It was ICK (and I do mean the fish disease!) Now I've clicked on it, the whole damn shop wants my attention!

Go AWAY!! Bonmarche, you are barking up the wrong tree!!

I've got Project's old man ad - the one with no life insurance. And Gin again.

I done us some money! Green thing and red thing in the corners are picked onion and roast beef monster munch. The yellow and pink things are intertwined ‘S’ and also ‘C’ because we are Smug and Clever, and also the S can be for Snax and Slankets. They also represent the infinity of our nation.

Drat. Picture.

why deny him the potty. Let his teddy use it and get given treats? Maybe daddy could use it and get given a treat? Just say HE can't use it because he's not a big boy. Then wait.

Reg well that looks like legal tender to me! I love it that's awesome, while you have the crayons out how about some weapons down the sides?

Sadly his dad picks him up from nursery and they return home expecting things like food and clean trousers. I have been up much of the night with feeding baby and wailing toddler. Think I might indeed retire to the sofa with snax. TCO is not my cup of tea and I’m running out of chocolate chip cookies though.

Also this.

Caroline that’s genuinely a genius idea! Not sure I’ll get DH onboard though 😂 I do think DH and I should start getting choocolate buttons for using the toilet!

petty you are so clever! I forgot to update my passport so have no photo ID and Brexit (spit) is a bad time to renew. Could you do me a quick likeness so I can partake of modern life? Anything will do, passport, Tufty Club, etc. Many thanks xx

Reg that's the best money I've ever seen!!

Did you say that you had some googley eyes and beaks? They might be nice on it?

why we used a doll but the chocolate buttons did the trick!

Why he might be a mini Dark Lord in the making, like Project's Dark Lord.

Project will be better able to advise! She know's how to bring up Dark Lords!

Here you go.

I've got a step Dark Lord too, but I didn't bring him up until he was 12, I can help with Dark Lords after they reach 12, but I do understand that this means it could take 10 years before I can help with this.

Cor Reg that money is FIT.

Also why later on you can stick little targets in the loo for them to aim at. (Have 3 pissy grandsons)

Thigh is back!
I am in a shit mood today. I even cycled an extra 7k to burn off the anger. It hasn't worked. I'm pissed off and tired. Help.

Drunk eyes.

Right, when he gets home tonight he is banned from the potty and his toys are getting all the gold stars! Dangly I’m afraid if I still need help with this in 10 years I will definitely have left him at nursery!
The money looks fab, do you think my local co op will accept print outs of it in return for choc chip cookies?
My advert is for the JumpIn trampoline park - not convinced that’s a good plan I’m the Easter holidays with an incontinent 2 year old!

Reg that is the BEST currency I have ever seen! [heart eyes emoticon]

Oh yes Why the yen of thighland is definitely legal tender if buying snax or Wodka!

Or Winka!

Toasty all cyclists are angry, I've noticed this, they don't even laugh when I gently bump them with my Thighmobile for a jape.

Stop cycling and roll around in your slanket eating snax and crayoning money - look at Petty's example and follow suit.

Reg you've done a art!

Why could you jump on the trampoline and be incontinent together? Embrace the piss? We have.