Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

M3 have you become a morning drinker (no judgement) is it due to the clocks going forward and backwards and forwards? Or are not been out on the lash all night and caught a ride home on a milk float?

The Bank of Thighland employees can be called Bottoms.

^^ or have you.

Ffs, cannot type as not drunk.

keep what’s it using the oat milk for? It strikes me that water from a tap is probably a good substitute.

Also toddlers like taps. Do some tap stuff and it will prob alt laugh endearingly again. But only do this if you want to prolong your slavery.

If the sun says it, it must be true!

wolf AIBU is like something contrived by the English Tourist Board. It features bear-baiting, witch-hunting, public hangings and scrofula. But it is free!

Where is the Midnight lady who taught me how to 'fartle' ?

I think she is lost in cyber-space!

I am just going back in time to find her, won't be long ...

@MidnightBlue28

We are all here!! Come join the funz and japes!

Pooter a free ticket to self loathing and depression. What more could you want?

AIBU is a poorly thought out concept. Imagine appealing to human nature to decide if you are unreasonable, well it's just unreasonable! And to cap it all you will always be found unreasonable due to human nature erring on the side of the negative spin.

It's lovely here where you cannot be wrong! Even pineapple is just so wrong she is right! Gutted I missed pineapple last night for more fruity shenanigans!

I have rather fetching stripey knee length socks and long boots.

Bought tights but the train was as hot as hell so kept them off.

Had a disastrous trip to the train loo. Sat down to do my (serious -TMI?) business only to feel my bum go cold. Too late. Deposits in toilet bowl which is now sloshing around with water almost up to the brim (I shit you not again). All my undercarriage dunked in poo water. . Had to clean down and make the best of it as

FUCKING PHONE!

As I'm off to a client meeting.

Waaaaaaaa

Oh bugger, I forgot how fast these threads move. Okay, new problem: I posted online asking for advice last night as had inadvertently been rude and forgotten a meeting. I then was rude to a whole bunch of additional advice-giving people by forgetting to come back to thread aided by DH comforting me with cider

Do I blame the whole jolly lot on one of my DC as I’m sure I had a less forgetful brain pre-motherhood? Or do I eat cake till the embarrassment goes away?

(Thank you for advice, lovely thighcolytes, am pleased to report I’ve been forgiven this morning though I will still gift chocolates to be on the safe side. Not to you lot, though, you can get yer own.)

Nutter cider based forgetfulness is always forgiven. But the cake....what of the cake? Where's our cake - and the lion cubs and machine gun toting giraffes?

OMG poached.

Poached I think you're having a bad day and there's been a lot of piss based kettling and bum tea shenanigans today. If I were you I would purchase and drink from containers with intact safety seals todays. Not real seals, plastic ones.

Where's our cake - and the lion cubs and machine gun toting giraffes?

Well when you put it like that, suddenly cake seems very easy by comparison. Okay, here’s cake, but I left the armed safari animals in my other coat, what can you do eh 🤷‍♀️

I thought all threads were like this, it's like a Tesco conveyor belt. Actually Lidl.

Nutter cheers for't cake, that's enough for me but what about Dangly she's running out of Winka.

dang wtf! You could have warned me you time travel! I spent ages thinking the netherworld was out of sync with reality and actually it was you fecking around with the timelines!

I am feeling ever so much better after a nice relaxing hour long tea break with my physics pals. We have all decided that we will never adventure out into a school EVER again. I think this is an important step in bringing them to the way of the thigh....I look forward to completing the slanket takeover of my department!

My life is shit because I need two things that don't exist.
Please can you find me Heinz Cucumber Sandwich Spread and a grey linen dress with pockets and sleeves and kind of baggy. Pockets are non negotiable. Big pockets.

Your reward will be my happiness

I'm sure I saw a dress like that in next last week....

Oh judge give up on your pre-child brain. My grown up DD had to take her child to see a psychologist. The first appointment she got the day wrong. They kindly issued another, for weeks later. The second one was for a different clinic, so she was half an hour late, having first gone to the wrong place. And then she had to explain her super duper parenting skills to a sceptical professional.

Did it have pockets 67chevvy?