Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

Shin do you not realise that MrShintobe in a randy old dirtbag who says ja ja ja ?

I liked him!

I'm sitting here very elegantly in my new dress. I'm the size of a small dog and my dress would fit an antelope but that's ok, it gives me growing room.

Bum Tips are a goer I think, we could open an Instagram account and be 'influencers'. How hard can influencing people be? You just sit around with a grey background gurning at the camera and yelling people about your 'bubs and hubz'. #makingmemories #bumtips #sparkling #mybestie see look, I've got the hang of it already. AND I've got the perfect (wonky) dress.

Well I never! Mr Shin-to-be is a fine gentleman who has never said ja in his life! Admittedly, he has a problem pronouncing Fuchsia, but that's beside the point!

Shit all of us shagged MrShit when he visited recently. He even shagged M3 and she was dead.

Rabbits hmm, an interesting idea. We could be reverse influencers. How i wish i understand Instagram - is it like holiday snaps?

Nonsense Mr Shin-to-be would never even look at another woman now that he's met me. I'm the love of his life. We're even getting married in 2025 once he leaves his BITCH WIFE. He never even had sex with HER. He's waited his whole life for me. The DNA results prove it.

Thigh yes, it’s a bit like holiday snaps but you edit out all the shit and make like your life is perfect. Having a shiny bum hole certainly fits into that ethos.

Pineapple

1. possesses crassulacean acid metabolism (CAM), a photosynthetic carbon assimilation pathway with high water-use efficiency,

Translation: its weird and doesn't like water much like us

1. the second most important tropical fruit.

Translation: outrageous, it is clearly the most important fruit ever.

3.first cis-regulatory link between CAM and circadian clock regulation.
Translation: Pineapples are woke man and like their sleep: like us

4.Pineapple CAM photosynthesis evolved through the regulatory neofunctionalization of preexisting genes and not through the acquisition of neofunctionalized genes via whole-genome or tandem gene duplication.

Translation: neofunctionalisation: who doesn't like a bit of that eh? we do

Ergo, thus and therefore, we are EXACTLY the same as a pineapple. Innit

thigh I don"t understand instagram either but I know it's all #hashtagthis and #hashtagthat we need to get #downwiththe #kids

Morning everyone just checking in.

I think rabbits should be head of pr with her instagram skillz.

Thighland will get to 50 million in no time.

nakedscientist I love you sooooo much

There pineapple see, we ARE clever innit?

The only one of you who is clever is also naked. Disgraceful!

Alternative reality:
(Click along to the tune)
Agadoo doo doo push pineapple shake the tree
Agadoo doo doo push pineapple grind her gears
To the left to the right jump up and down and to the Thighs
Come and dance every night sing with a Thighland melody

Barely needs editing and is smug, clever and stupid at the same time

Naked you're like a shiny bauble, so entrancing. You really are a honey aren't you? Look what I'm married to DT - she's not even violent, it's amazing.

I'm wondering if we would reach more people to facilitate recruitment if we had our own topic on MN. AIBI, Chat, S&B, Thighland...
Obviously, I have my own topic, but I've just eaten it.
Q) What has a hazel nut in every bite?
A) Squirrel shit.

Is pineapple ok? Has she gotten trapped in the deep dark depths of AIBU? Its ok pineapple, YABU, but you can change! We're here to help!

Dog i tried AIBU, the others wouldn't let me and waved their piss stained slankets under my nose until I came back to Chat. Project literally patted her slanket and gave me a snack.

Also Dog i asked MN for a section waaaayyy back and they told me to lie down and eat chips.

I'll ask again.

Good morning lovely ladies. Shin just phoned me at work. Said it was an emergency. One of you is clever AND naked ja ja ja. Well, I've got a bit of time on me lunch break. I'll meet you behind the Tesco at 1, pretty lady.
By the way, did you get that flea ridden dog of yours under control?

Shit I'll meet you, don't be startled if I'm dressed as a giraffe.

MrShit hello again!

Now you can only have naked in a foursome with her lawful wedded wife (hey we haven;t had the wedding yet) thigh and her other bride fermat and then I will be jumping up and licking your balls from my own situation.

Well I'm going to start a massive law suit against pineapple and shin

There was definitely something funny going on yesterday, and I blame them.

I am SO traumatised because they lured me into S&B and as good as promised me a pony. I dreamed about Winkie all night!

How dreadful to wake up knowing it was all a sham. I now suddenly identify as a pony owner, which I never did before. Now I want to have had a middle class childhood, with rosettes and friends called Bunty and Jacinta.

Unfortunately I was assigned working class at birth. Surely this can't be fair?

I like a long one that ends in head Thigh ja ja ja

Pooter shhhh it's all ok, you can ID as anything you like here so it's all true, you ARE a pony owner and you're brother was Quentin.