Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

I have a feeling that Getting is around here somewhere!

Ooh now I do like that vicar Petty !

Ooh it makes me want to say 'More tea vicar!'

Why has the vicar got a tampon string hanging down his right leg, or is it a tapeworm?

Yes to the penis shoes. Perfect!

Oh yes Dog or could it be he has a dribbley willy?

Vicar of Dribbley?

Well....you pop off for just a few hours and people start googling cock slippers.

I suppose it is Tuesday after all.

WHY IS MY SIMULATED ANNEALING GOING TITS UP WHY PYTHON WHY DAMN YOU

Fucking computers.

sorry didn't mean to kill the thread with massive coding rage - it just can't be contained....

I'm off to scream into an empty field for a bit....as you were....

M3 - would now be a good time to remind you about slankets and snax, there, there, come and lie down in this darkened room, that is warm and smells of piss. It will all be alright soon.

M3 breathe deeply, smell the piss, and......relax.

There, better now.

M3 cuddle up to the cock slippers, very soothing.

Thank you my good friends....I need a lot of help unwinding sometime...the cock slippers are just the perfect thing!

Well, that escalated quickly

Bloody hell! I go off to make a dress and feed children and you're all getting your flaps out. Maybe I should go back over to S&B ............

My dress is finished though and I'll soon be the talk of the town!

Rabbits you can only be happy here now, there's nothing for you in S&B, you've morphed.

Also they will never accept you in a linen sack, whereas here there is no judgement.

I see your still talking about me. Your not that clever and you all pretend to have friends.

Oh good, you’re back, with your funny little ways. What problem have you brought us?

You're here again, Pineapple Hello! Your spiky fruitiness has been sorely missed.
Come on, you're safe here. You can tell us what your problem is, a problem shared is a problem halved and all that.
Tell us in bite size chunks, if it's easier. We'll help you slice through all the complications of life.
We won't judge.

A Grocer is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any pineapples? "
The Grocer replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of pineapples, but we will be getting a delivery tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the pineapples are.
The Grocer, confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of pineapples, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the Grocer and asks "Where the hell do you keep the pineapples, I need some pineapples right now!"
The Grocer, getting frustrated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady
"Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your pineapples from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T".
"Very good!" he says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct.
Now the Grocer finally asks "now spell, Fuc, as in pineapples. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in pineapples?"
To which the Grocer replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

Lad Haiku you do?

I wonder if Pineapple if freckle cock Pete still miffed that I dumped him for making me stop watching Neighbours as we shagged. Pete, it was Kylie and Jason's wedding!

Pete when I used to phone you drunkenly at 3am asking if you wanted to get back together you weren't interested then. Why stalk me on MN pretending to be a female fruit now?

@nakedscientist

Naked is there a fun maths fact about pineapples? There's a little dingaling in my brain saying there is.