Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

Rabbit We have reigns and form for astral projection here. If you decide to make a voyage to S&B we will hook you up and reel you back in when required....

I think its one tug for 'bring me back' and two tugs for 'holy shit the're giving me a make over BRING ME BACK!!!!!!!'

moral have a friend cut the tight bit open and sew an elastic band in.

That way when it heals, there is a stretchy bit, hey presto, one moving (and still attached) hand

I'm not for turning Dangly. No turning going on here. Hear. Hare. Here.

That's a poem ^

can I pop into S&B just like, occasionally? For a bit?

NO.

Why would you? After 10 minutes you've seen everything that will ever come up. After that it's just repeats.

Bleach/not bleach
Scythe hair/not scythe hair
Gadget?
Bullshit magicr potion
Surgery?
Recommend me clothes to fit into my chosen niche of society
Products/clothes to intensify my internalised misogyny

There, now you never have to go back.

*moral have a friend cut the tight bit open and sew an elastic band in.

That way when it heals, there is a stretchy bit*

That way, when it heals, you've got a fucking built in catapult. Genius.

Well you won't get catapults in Style and Beauty. They are such bores.

Ok, you've convinced me.

I'm sewing serenely, I imagine I look like a swan - surrounded by linen.

Billy that's genius. If I were you I'd get down to your local hospital and offer to help clear their backlog in surgery. I bet they'd be so grateful, I'm sure we can advise on how to stitch up after if that's an issue.

Diy cybernetics, you're onto a winner.

And yeah, s&b are way too boring for built in catapults

Billy where have you been all our lives?

You have found your true spiritual home! You will be feeling your inner thigh like there's no tomorrow now!

M3lon that's great, so you could just tug me back? Not that I'm going over there or anything. I'm really not. I'm too busy seeing.

When M3 was dead (long story, read up on last couple of threads) I went over to the spirit world to chat with her about thigh's granny and the deeds to the castle, so anyways Dog had me on a lead that I was to tug if I needed help back! Except Dog went to sleep on duty as thisters are likely to do because of our heavy napping shedule, but somehow it all worked out in the end!

Short answer yes we can!

Is it stretching @thighofrelief101 remit to get her to retrain all of the numpties in coffee shops who make tea the WRONG WAY?

They give you a cup of lukewarm water with the teabag next to it. Ffs

Never mind. I made them re do it and treated myself to a panini and Brownie to make up for the disappointment.

I'm too busy seeing

Exactly. Seeing the light.

poached the only solution is to carry a travel kettle at all times. You can steal one from a hotel, but empty the piss out first. Order tea as usual. Plug kettle in. Make a proper cup of tea. It's wise to carry your own tea bags, because coffee shop ones are often shit.

I truly have found my spiritual home.

Someone is going to have to teach me how to astral project though.

Don't want to get lost and end up in something tailored instead of a lovely fluffy slanket

I keep testing and testing, I got one BFP yesterday and now its negative today.

How do I pregnant and why dont I pregnant now?

shortandsweet

You need to sacrifice a virgin chicken to ishtar on a new moon, have sex once a month when a magic stick says you are just the right temperature and then wee on a stripy stick exactly two weeks later.

If that doesn't work, check you are having sex with someone who is in posesión of a fully working human penis.

@billywigsting

I have to have sex?
Fully working human penis?

I'm not sure you are legitimate.. but I will try your helpful tips.

Anyone e have a chicken spare? Has to be a virgin!

DT we're nearly half through the the thread

Will catch up now..

My ad is Stena Line - they're trying to send me to Ireland! Tena Line maybe but no, no ferries.

I’ve got a child gate ad. We need to install them around Centre Parcs as it sounds like Thigh’s next door cheery fuckers have escaped and homed.

Moral - Petty has a lot of haunted wax and can make you a bionic hand. You could gradually become Steve Austen the 6 million dollar man and Petty will also cut off your leg and remove one of your eyes and make your head emit little clicking sounds. Only if you want to though - or you could just go to the Dr.

Now it’s offering that I become a hypnotherapist. Muwahahaha.

Rabbit we can't ban you from S&B but we don't understand. Why, why would you go there if you are here? Ask yourself this question.

Would you rather:

a) have a lovely time with people who are fun and lie down, eating and napping where all your failures are applauded

b) have people laugh at you and call you a fat, ridiculous bastard who is not good enough.

Mine is telling me to get a job