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Original poster

Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 01/04/2019 19:07

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

OP posts:
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18
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 16:34

It's OK Pooter, you're old and still grieving for Winston.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 16:34

Oh good are we ok again now? Smile

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 16:35

Thanks thigh I won't let you down again!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 16:36

I've had a new business idea.

You know how weirdos who aren't Thighlanders bleach their bumholes? Well - we can make a line of sharpies in bumhole colours! I would think people will need to match the sharpie to their bumhole and then colour themselves in.

Instead of felt tips we'll call them BumTips.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 16:36

Pooter's a good sort! She can sew a vicar!! At least I think that's what she said!

LadAlive · 02/04/2019 16:36

I worry that it was fruit based body snatchers, Thigh.
I have instructed russian poisoner to throw out all tinned fruit, I quickly ate the grapes and easy peelers, I am to fruit what pigs are to traitors visitors.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 16:36

It's fine DT we've been through worse. I'm pretty nauseous with the mention of pearls and dresses though.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 16:39

Yes it was all very strange for a minute there!

Oh well back to the proper weird shit! Nothing to see here!

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 16:41

thigh so you mean that instead of bleaching their bum hole they would just simply colour their whole self in the same as their bumhole with a bum coloured pen?

Sounds marketable!

LadAlive · 02/04/2019 16:44

Bum tips. I would be puce.
Tinky Winky in a slanket.

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:45

thigh could we also sell patches of hair to fill in the rest of our bodies with?

I do feel like my armpits are standing alone against the march of the waxing brigade...

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:47

after a barrage of dresses, my ad feed is back to....drumroll....health insurance!

wait - what? Is someone trying to kill me again?

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 16:49

thigh the BumTips are actually quite a good idea. People could write little messages, e.g. "not here" or "don't even think about it"

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 16:50

M3 don't die again! It's effort for you writing in brackets!

Mine is trying to sell me a new build 3 bed semi!

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:53

CP you really are a zen master...because of course the bumhole really isn't there....its a hole...it only exists because you think about it...

Very deep.

Hopefully thigh can come up with a T-short slogan version!

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:54

"Neo, there is no bumhole"

LadAlive · 02/04/2019 16:56

Earlier I had a military-style walking jacket (walking?!) but it did set me pondering about a military-style slanket.
Who was it that can crochet?
Crochet gaps would also prevent the roll off of off target snax, they might catch in the gaps before falling out of reach.

*off of off I shall rename my russian poisoner that.

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 16:56

m3 it sums up modern life.

Please don't die again!

M3lon · 02/04/2019 17:00

I'm certainly not intending to die...and although I just accidentally got my thumb pinched by a powerful magnet, it didn't break the skin let alone deliver a fatal wound.

I'm getting pillow and mattress adverts now which is much much more my thing...I do indeed need a lie down...

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 17:00

lad I think we established that nobody could crochet but some of us would quite like to....perhaps the rot set in at that point?
A futile wish to better ourselves...the sudden yearning for a teeny pony. I think we'll need a lot of therapy for this one.

RabbitseatDogs · 02/04/2019 17:01

thislido and Pooter I'll have to whisper this in case I get arrested ^"I just stupidly went in a posh sewing shop (a drapers ffs) and bought two patterns. Neither of them are like my favourite dress. I got carried away".
^
Thigh I don't undeservedly or reservedly apologise for bringing clothes onto your thread. It's just you said you'd solve my problems and you haven't, it's not very fair but I can cope. I'll be fine. I really will, no honestly please don't worry, I'm fine. I'm going to make a smock that isn't my favourite dress. Cold turkey for me.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 17:03

Yes Lad we found out we couldn't! Excellent idea though!

We only wanted to be able to after the crocheted Vicar was suggested! After all who doesn't want a crocheted vicar!

M3lon · 02/04/2019 17:06

My DD can crochet...well she can make a crochet slug.

I suppose if she kept going long enough you could wind it around yourself over and over into something that would probably look like a giant curled out turd...

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 17:09

Oh I'd like a crocheted slug M3 ! Does she do commissions?

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 17:10

Yesss! I've finally been offered a job at MN by the little yoga woman!

I lust be more qualified on a Tuesday!

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