Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 01/04/2019 19:07

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
thislido · 02/04/2019 13:11

For the Thighland awards ceremony

www.hampsteadbazaar.com/clothing/dresses/new-6134-dress-velvet.html

thislido · 02/04/2019 13:17

You could ask on S&B but I don’t think linen sacks are their bag and they’ll probably try and make you bleach your bumhole.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 13:20

Wildboar who has told you you need to lose weight? Don't listen to them! Listen to us instead!

You do not need to lose weight you need to
lower your expectations and relax!

What could be nicer than lying down on the sofa and biting into the first cream egg if the day?

Being thin is not very funz! Living in Thighland is very funz! Eat the cream egg then go down for a nap! Wake up and have another! Report back on your progress!

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 13:21

rabbits I'm sure linen napkins would work. I was forced to make some japanese apron dresses for my lazy offspring, and I used a really thick linen. There were no pockets on the pattern, but the offcuts yielded a pair of pockets each. I did hem them all round before attaching because I wanted them curved. Make them twice as large as you think you'll need, and remember not to sew them at the top!!

thislido · 02/04/2019 13:24

Boar, you must see the fat as a opportunity. How much have you got to we can weigh up how best to deploy it? Just roughly, on a scale of averagely fat through to ‘they’ll have to take a wall out to recover my body’.

PettyLaBelle · 02/04/2019 13:28

Can anyone who can time travel take me back to 1984 so I can shag Morten Harket? Take On Me just came on the radio and I have a hankering.

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 13:29

£160 for a dress?? Thanks lido, now my adverts think I'm minted.

thislido · 02/04/2019 13:30

You need to start a family sweatshop, Pooter.

thislido · 02/04/2019 13:31

We could get several of us in each dress, which brings down the cost.

PettyLaBelle · 02/04/2019 13:33

Who asked for a portrait? I’ve had to leave the house without my crayons so I done you a art on my phone.

Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems
CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 13:33

Sadly, lido I already am one!

PettyLaBelle · 02/04/2019 13:34

The bits in your hair are snax. Specifically cornflakes and pilchards (like Mr Twit) and monster munch.

67chevvyimpala · 02/04/2019 13:35

petty you have a look of the late Elizabeth Taylor ;)

thislido · 02/04/2019 13:37

chevvy your promising sounding link didn’t work, can you paste it again?

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 13:38

Ooh petty/reg it was me!! It is a stunning likeness..almost too good for my passport but I will certainly use it with great pride ;-)

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 13:42

The attention to detail....the careful allusion to the sitter's lifestyle....the traditional yet modern style...this has all the hallmarks of one of our Great Portrait Artists. One for the ages. Thanks petty/reg you are amazing!

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 13:49

Should be hung in the Tate Modern! Be very proud Reg and Pooter you are a very attractive lady indeed!

BillywigSting · 02/04/2019 13:50

I'm moving house soon and the new house has builders in it at the moment to make it livable. They are doing basically everything wrong (except for the polish plasterer who actually listened to us and managed to do a great job despite a bit of a language barrier).

How do I stop him (and moreover his electrician) from being a lazy gobshite and doing what is easiest for them rather than what has been asked for (non of which is all that difficult)

Also how do I get dp to chill out a bit about the whole thing. He's spent the last six weeks very highly strung, snappy and generally unpleasant and is starting to thoroughly do my nut in.

Even his mum (who is usually just as bad if not worse than he is) is telling him to bloody unclench)

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 13:57

Billy do you have a machine gun or another kind of automatic weapon? I find these to be remarkably effective at making people do as they are told and not as they want to.

You can also use it on you DH.

If there has to be a massacre make sure to spare the Polish plasterer and he can be your new DH.

BillywigSting · 02/04/2019 14:01

No but I do have an interesting selection of chefs knives, all of which are very sharp and some of which are quite long, would that do do you think?

Our new neighbours seem quite nice and have already had to put up with useless builders noise, would a machine gun be a bit loud?

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 14:05

Well yes of course anything that allows you to appear sinister and not to be messed with. This could have the advantage of a silent killing spree should you need to follow through and do the necessary.

If you do any killing, please report back to Thighland and someone will be along to help you dispose of the bodies. It always helps if you have an integral garage and keep pigs.

CarolinePooter · 02/04/2019 14:05

billy the joy of a machine gun is it's over pretty quickly. One neighbour will say to the other "Did you just hear a machine gun?" But after a few minutes they'll have decided it was just a car backfiring.