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Original poster

I can solve all your problems, forever

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 20:41

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

OP posts:
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Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 18:44

Right, I've tracked you all down again. It was difficult as you didn't leave a forwarding address. And I have to say I'm utterly disgusted. This thread reaches levels of depravity I never thought I'd see on Mumsnet. Is this really the image of motherhood you wish the portray? Foul language, slovenliness and sexual deviance?
I have half a mind to pen a letter to those in charge. I'm sure they'll be as horrified as I am. Luring innocent Mumsnetters to your thread and feeding them with nonsense. You ought to be ashamed.

DanglyTassles · 28/03/2019 18:53

Oh hello again PaulineBot, but wait ... didn't you die in about thread four? Confused

Oh never mind anyway, as you were

Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 18:55

Who is Pauline? I am definitely not Pauline and refuse to be accused of being so by someone which such terrible personal hygiene

DanglyTassles · 28/03/2019 18:57

But Pauline, you ARE Pauline!!

Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:04

I am merely a concerned citizen who came across Thigh on AIBU. I was shocked by the number of Health and Safely Laws steaming privates above a boiling kettle contravened and thought I should follow you all before someone got hurt

Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:05

You do realise your excrement is full of harmful bacteria, don't you, Danglytassles. And that Dangly Tassles can lead to strangulation?

CarolinePooter · 28/03/2019 19:07

shin sit down and rest from your journey! Dangly has been traumatised by Pauline/Bot and now sees her everywhere. You don't sound at all crazy, so hopefully you are not Pauline!

Do you have any problems thigh can solve?

Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:13

Thank you Pooter. I am grateful that you agree I'm not crazy. Far from it. I feel I'm the only one here with any common sense.

Yes, I do have a problem you can solve. I am to marry Mr Shin-to-be in February 2025. I am currently trying to decide which colour chair covers we should have. Fuchsia pink or Duck egg blue?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/03/2019 19:13

Shit I've got a solution for you. Perhaps you could write to MNHQ and complain about us? I think you'll find they don't care at all. We're all riddled with the pox, piss ourselves, I've progressed to shitting through a hole in my wall. We've possibly killed hundreds of people and missed Schrodingers cat most cruelly.

And you want to complain about us being slovenly?

OP posts:
Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:18

Thigh I've never been so offended in my entire life! You just wait until I tell Mr Shin-to-be about how badly I've been treated

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/03/2019 19:18

Shit tell us more about Mr Shit, is he clean living? Does he have freckles on his cock? Does he have a bad back?

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/03/2019 19:21

Shit tell your whiny, sissy little bitch of a boyfriend that I'll kick him in the cock and punch him right up the arse all day every day.

OP posts:
Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:24

Well I never! Mr Shin will write a letter to MNHQ immediately (well, after he's finish putting his kids to bed in the house his BITCH WIFE convinced him to buy for her). I always find a male voice more authoritarian, don't you? I'm sure with a man involved, this highly offensive, nonsensical thread will be discontinued.

CarolinePooter · 28/03/2019 19:26

shin you have quite a problem with those chair covers. Duck egg blue is a tad old fashioned atm but could easily have come back in by 2025. Fuchsia (and thank you for correct spelling!) is pretty timeless but rather difficult to accessorise without going full Buckingham Palace. (We've just put thigh down for her nap, and will consult her later on.) Do you have a mood board? Thigh has one!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/03/2019 19:29

Pooter why have i been put down for a nap? Am i being myself too much?

Shit i don't care, this is about the 6th thread. I've accepted there's no end to all this.

OP posts:
Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:32

Thank you Pooter. I value your decency. I am certain Duck egg blue will make a comeback, as that is the colour of Mr Shin-to-be's eyes. On the other hand, a Fuchsia was the first flower he ever gave me.
I like the idea of a full Buckingham Palace wedding. Don't you think Kate Middleton is just SO inspiring?
I got a free mood board when I had my colours done

CarolinePooter · 28/03/2019 19:35

shin you do sound unlucky in love. Is mr shin being totally upfront with you? Do you have suspicions ? MN would love to hear every juicy detail, and you will get plenty of good advice in Relationships.

But in Thighland we will help you solve your problem...permanently

CarolinePooter · 28/03/2019 19:38

Colours? OMG!

Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 19:48

Not at all, Pooter. I'm the luckiest woman alive. The day I met Mr Shin-to-be was the greatest day of my life. Well, so far anyway 😁. Our eyes met across an empty room at a Workplace Safety Seminar. It was like being struck by lightning. I quickly checked the weather forecast to see that no storms were expected in the county for the next ten days.
After the talks were over, he approached me and soon had me engaged in a rivetting discussion of the dangers of finger-trapping in folding chairs. We smiled at each other and at that moment we realised it was true love.
He informed me that he was married, but he would leave his wife for me. I just needed to wait until he broke the news to her and the children and put the house up for sale. But it's all ok. We meet in a very cleanly hotel room once a week where he confirms his love for me. I couldn't be happier

M3lon · 28/03/2019 19:52

(carolinePooter - maybe you could lend shin some 'actually my husband is a well hung spiderplant' from the stash I left you?)

Gettingnowhere · 28/03/2019 20:00

Strewth, Shin. Sounds like you two deserve each other

Shinofsolace · 28/03/2019 20:01

Thank you Getting. We certainly do

CarolinePooter · 28/03/2019 20:11

M3 ( desperately shuffling through stash of good ideas) are you sure you meant to leave me your valuable contributions? I am overwhelmed at the responsibility, and may have to hire a storage unit to keep them in. The drip feeding is OK in the bucket, but the puns and hyperbole need a room of their own. Help! Please don't go, I can't cope!

CarolinePooter · 28/03/2019 20:15

Oh dangly, I shouldn't have ignored your instincts... There is a foul miasma emanating from shin

Could it be....bleach??

M3lon · 28/03/2019 20:17

(don't panic CP I have only moved to the other side, not gone to S&B....being dead changes very little, except I can now shit through the wall without needing a hole)

(ps. woooo....wooooooooooooooo)