I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

Oh Bx, don't worry about that. Project is secretly TM™ and is passing loads of funz lawz which we are financing with crayoned Thighland Yen ¥

Ooh, I thought the crayons were all used up on the MOT certificates

I thought it was my misspelling of Noverchock.

Blue you can't put weight on, it's in the Doctor's instructions.
So just lie still, piss in your slanket until the 1st of May and all calories will disappear down the crack in the sofa.
You'll be 2 stone lighter.
I'm a scientist (I qualified same time as Thigh passed her nursing thingummy) I know for a fact, calories don't count when you're lying down.
Fact.
Actual fact.

I think we are being monitored. So disappointed that it was political spam rather than spam spam. Think what fun we could have had with a Nigerian prince or an aloe vera-based pyramid scheme.

Java use your broken foot as an opportunity to turn that frown upside down. Lie down for 6 weeks, preferably in a hotel. Tell everyone that you must have silence or your foot will become gangrenous and fall off. A 5 star hotel would be safest.

Oh yeah - the law is now that it is whatever time you want it to be. I can’t be arsed to pass any kind of blanket law based on farmers or daylight or whatever...HARD WORK.

Just pick the time of day you’d like it to be and adhere to that. Feel free to inform your boss when you wander into work 3 hours late. Crayon your own certificate. You have Theresa May’s full permish.

Project it's surely not possible that we're being monitored? Nothing and no one has been spared our vitriol and "rearranging" skillz.

Lad if i eat 4 roast beef dinners in bed will i lose weight?

Wouldn’t be surprised if they’re looking for political inspiration thigh.

I think we are reverse influencers and herald the coming of a new dawn.

Also, there’s not many people who know as much about mass murderers as you thigh. Could be useful in our politically unstable, post brexit wilderness

Also, David Cameron, if you’re reading this, I think you are a cunt

I like the idea that we are inspiring Theresa May

I have the ideal stationary for our rise to political power

whispers I have a week off work so will be lying down and fully embracing my inner thigh

How thick is the book getting? Might need quite a few pages

As thick as I am Project

Just a week, Midnight? Does your job not offer Forever Leave? Demand your rights, woman!

Not if you're sitting up.

Fully paid Forever Leave, or you post "that video"

They’re a charity... no forever leave...

Regardless of my lifelong mission never to accidentally flatter anyone, Getting, that book is not thick enough.

Well now Virgin Trains are telling me I could get from Manchester to London in 2hr 23 mins!

How bizarre!! Also a lovely comfy sofa keeps popping into my peripheral vision, followed by a lovely comfy bed! Things it knows I like!!

Aaaaaagh! We are being monitored for sure!!

Project/TM can you pass a law about no more monitoring, I'm just not into it!

Not very charitable to you then, are they Midnight?

Danga, none of this Virgin nonsense. I prefer shagged-out old trains

Lad can I keep all the names that are already in there? I used to have managers and a husband. I vaguely remember something about children too

I think I’ll abstain from mentioning that!