I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

I've noticed you spit rather than swallow these days Thigh. That might explain the gag reflex

Dangles I've just noticed your username spells out a cry for help - DTs. You should have been more upfront about your problem.

To prevent DTs you should drink all the time, tell your husband it's medical and not because you're a pisshead.

Getting what? When did you write Blackpool in a circle on your cock? I thought you were giving me a lot of seaside rock.

And the stripes? Herpes?

I was giving you a lot of rock. Since when are you a geologist? Have Mumsnet been advertising Qualifying Geology Degrees to you?

Nope loans and Gin - a scary combo.

Nice work on tricking me into noshing you off, you only needed to ask. I put all my cockmunching behind me when I had my hymen repair.

I've worked out why there are so many ads for gin - they're following the Jim Jones method of recruitment and mind control.

Fun fact: it wasn't Kool Aid - it was generic Kool Aid. Couldn't he have splashed out just once?

That's a point thigh I should indeed drink all the time! I don't want to risk drying out!

I don't want to be on the wagon do I? Where would the wagon go?

I have an idea, I could possibly rig up a mobile drip unit to mainline my gin/wine/vodka straight into the ugly vein that sometimes appears on my forehead! I could tell DH that it is to medicate my herpes!

Hope everyone's having a Happy Motherfucker's day! [heart emoticon]

I'm not.
House is full of the fruit of my womb, they're sitting on my sofa.
House is full of floral smells and laughter.
Fuckers.

Huh that's not on!! Tell them to fuck off Lad

Tell them 'Fuck of fruit of my womb it is MOTHERFUCKER'S DAY and not FUCKER'S DAY! So fuck off with your obscene floral displays and happiness!!!"

Do a big 'tut' at the end to really hoover the joy out of their souls!

That'll learn em!!

I told them to bog off in no uncertain terms ‘Fuck off out of my house you interlopers visitors!’
They just laughed louder and longer.
Russian Poisoner/GrandMaster is laughing with them.
The hairy earholed выродок.
He has supplied vodka shots with blueberries.
No novachok.
He’s fucking useless.

Hang on, isn’t motherfuckers’ day actually fathers’ day??

I’m having a splendid mother(fucker) day. I beat the dark lord in a fight for the last packet of hula hoops by being the more selfish, childish and petulant of the two of us. I may even have stamped my foot.

I’m also slightly drunk and hiding in my in laws bathroom. Definitely winning motherfucker day here,

I’m drinking wine.

Well I've only gone and managed to SOBER UP haven't I !!!

Balls, Tit and Fuck!!

I don't think my drip is working properly!

thighofrelief101 I have brokken my foot and I can't put any weight on it... I have to keep all weight off it until at least 1st May. How do I not put weight on?! I am unable to even walk, so can't exercise... any idease?

Blue you've come to the right place. We're experts at not putting any strain on any body parts whatsoever. I'm off for a nap, but I'm sure someone will be along shortly with excellent advice involving slankets and Monster Munch

DT what did the deleted post say?

Hi thigh!

It was a spammy video link

Gremlin thanks, i was wracking my brains how we could possibly have been more offensive than normal!

I thought it must have been my jibe re Jim Jones being careful with the housekeeping money for the mass suicide.

Plus i haven't made any offensive remarks re Dr Mengele v Dr Shipman, not one!

The video was something about David Cameron. who has given us Brexit which is economic mass suicide