I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

And I’m just getting ads for Mumsnet jobs. It’s as if they think I should be doing something better with my time. Fuck that.

I hear you Petty. That little tightroping woman is getting right on my tits. If they had a vector image of a woman in tracksuit eating donuts in the break out area and scratching her arse, I might be tempted to click.

Project !! I mean TM (you are on the telly right now looking fit)

Anyroad do you know how to make a nuclear bomb, we got stuck without you and the scientists have bailed on it!

You just can't get the staff for a genocide these days!

Petty is there a way we could edit the little tightrope walking woman so that she gets blown up by the haunted bomb? That's an ad I would watch over and over

PettyReg we do need the bomb!

But I think the PettyFilooo is for people's yonis after some unqualified bastard started massaging them in an unprofessional manner!

I suppose I could call Trump and persuade him to push the big red button Dangly.

But he’s such an arse, he’d probably blow up the wrong thing and then do we want the extermination of Guatemala on our conscience?

I think we’re best off knocking up something in the garage with the science honeyz

Hold on!! Why am I not being offered a job at MN ??

I'm offended!! Why am I only offered gin and cruises and horrible tops???

Project yes I see there's scope for error if Trump get's a little bit 'button friendly' or mistakes it for a fanny!

OK we must do our own, I must learn patience! I think Take That wrote a song about this important topic.

Dangly you make a very pertinent and worrying point. Can Trump distinguish between the big red button and a fanny?

This is alarming. Perhaps I should have the secret service take him out.

Actually maybe I should just stop worrying about brexit altogether and just bomb more shit.

Project you're killing me. Maybe literally...

I didn't go out. (Am not really following the this thread, but I am drunk).

Well done Charley. That's ok if you don't follow everything. Feel free to double dip with the questions. In essence, we are a "No Movement Movement". We are the "Women Who Won't". You are proud of you for not going out.
Dangly is also drunk. She'll explain things to you

Well done Charley. Why go out when you can get drunk at home?

Charley I am here!

Fuck it i had an extra nap at the wrong time and just when i could have helped decide about big red fanny buttons.

Project next time you are at the HoC and people want to talk about Bx tell them you're bored of that now and want to work on funz lawz. Then bring in protected naps for adults ffs!

It's ok thigh we are far more likely to annihilate the universe at the accidental press of the wrong button than Trump (and I don't say that lightly!)

So you can rest easy! 😊

Well exactly DT also i want TM to issue individual temperature bubbles for when arse out cooling isn't enough! Will have to spray arse with cooling spray now.

And dog sunglasses for when dogs give you that look to make you did shit.

Oh finally! I got an ad for a job! It's been shark vacuum cleaners and villas for ages.

I'm getting Avon rep MLM shizz and Hyundia shizz!

Oh I need a nap!!

Got an ad for London zoo, ok but I'm setting them free and taking home the lions. Poss zebras too, they look funz. And the giraffes! I seriously need giraffes with machine gunz for the cheery waving children who have ruined my life.

Oh great, now Barclayz wants me to borrow money, so silly of them.

An ad for a mattress! Finally, that means i can go to bed. Night DT xxx