I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

Just thinking we do have an impressive amount of maths n science honeys in Thighland. Just wondering whether we are becoming the Manhattan Project?

Project last night we came dangerously close to being put into a coma by the ads.

You issued a war cry telling MN to cunt off and stop insulting you and to come forward and explain their algorithm.

I reported your post and demanded an explanation. Nada. Boy they're scared.

Oh wait, Lily at MN wants a screenshot of the ad. Ha, we won't be sucked into that malarkey. What we want to know is why Thighland in particular is under ad attack.

Lily@mnhq

M3 evil Granny kept her teeth in a glass by her bed - could it be her gnashers that you are being attacked by rather than mini vampires?

Whatever you do, don’t alert them to the fact that I am secretly Theresa May thigh.

Why else would I hate my job so much?

Project there are times that you are on here and in the HofC at the same time - I've seen you on telly. I wonder if that's why TM is talking such nonsense - she's messing around in Thighland at same time! It all makes sense now.

Dog did your Argos Fuckboy ever turn up? Can you still be bothered with him? What did you want him for anyway? Was it to cover your feet and give you snax or something?

It’s all part of my master plan to find a group willing to feed Gove and Johnson to the pigs.

Oh Project you are so clever! But.... you've suffered through 5 or 6 threads of this shit when you could have just asked straight out right at the start?

You know that we love a bit of murder and body disposal here but only on Fridays generally. Saturdays is sex night and, as you know, Sundays is when we always sort out your life and career.

So - as it's Saturday - are you saying that you want us to help you have sex with BoJo? (no judgement)

Oh great, the cheery, waving children from next door have just said hello. That's my day ruined.

Why am i suddenly responsible for the cheery little slags' socialisation skillz? It's not something i promote.

(female profs don't often hang together...we suffer a huge amount of internalised misogyny and tend to view each other with suspicion...well its that and the epically low probability of finding each other in the sea of cock we inhabit)

(I'm not surprised we gravitate to thighland though...the venn diagram for female physicist and off the wall batshit crazy is basically a circle)

(speaking of the sciences, do we have any medics of the undead around? Each of my bites is swelling into a giant red/purple pustule...I have a horrible suspicion i'm incubating the next generation of bitey feckers - your Gran's teeth would have been a walk in the park compared to this)

(female profs don't often hang together...we suffer a huge amount of internalised misogyny and tend to view each other with suspicion...well its that and the epically low probability of finding each other in the sea of cock we inhabit)

Sea of cock

(I'm not surprised we gravitate to thighland though...the venn diagram for female physicist and off the wall batshit crazy is basically a circle)

Who me? Well, now you come to mention it... guilty as charged.

I'm afraid that any medicine i administer is likely to be chocolate based, however since you're already dead i can just smear some ethereal Nutella on your bites. It's not shit, honest.

M3 I think you need the wizard, off 'Zapped' to heal your carbuncles!

i used to know him, I'll see if he still lives in this century.

(thigh I'll have to pass on 'I can't believe its not shit' Nutella, something about it doesn't survive the astral transference...it ends up tasting like cheese)

(Zapped guy sounds promising though! Or..does anyone know if Wizbit is still around?)

Just thinking re skillz, mine clearly is propaganda. I have been following the Goebbels model of appealing to the lowest common denominator. Clearly this has been the wrong approach, i should be aiming for most insane common denominator.

I think we attract those by default thigh hence our clusters.

(a skills inventory might be useful - I feel I can bring some programming skillz, some very VERY strong opinions on the applicability of quantum theory to explaining homeopathy, the ability to take apart and reconstruct all forms of rubiks puzzles [except the clock because...fuck that], a small brass key, about two kilos of ghost snax, and the next generation of meso-vampires hatching from my pustule raddled skin)

M3 i do think you're right, a skillz inventory is wise. Would these be actual or perceived skillz? There are times that my megalomania clouds my judgement of my abilities.

(oh perceived for sure! I mean believing you can do something is at least 96.3% of the battle.)

(I've changed my mind....send the Nutella. If I smear it in a ring around myself then its superb stickyness will trap the meso-vampires as they emerge and prevent them from getting loose in the netherworld. I'll be able to clean them up later)

I have skillz as per below:

When I'm a dog:

Fertilizing thigh's rose
Being fat

When I'm Brian from Hull:

Yoni massage within a Yoni
Crack whoredom

When I'm me:

Fetching people back to Thighland (who got lost in the bowels of AIBU, S&B and Housekeeping).
Napping
Eating
Getting pissed
Murder

I just feel depress't that tonight is sex night, my stomach is roiling with boredom. There were so many cocks on here last night that I nearly vommed up my snax.

I feel agitated, little sparks of anger are emanting from my brain. The cheery children verbally assaulting me was more than i could stand.

Could we build a bomb instead? That would be super funz.

My Skillz

Self aggrandizement
Inventive spelling
Napping
Eating
Smoking
Having a chequered past
Thinly veiled sociopathy