I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

Hey now steady on, thislido love, no need for all that, I'm just trying to make an honest bob!

Can I interest you in a booking on Wednesday afternoon? It's all Kosha!

A bit petty filous.

At least this "man" seems to be useful

Useful ain't the word love!

When I'm not high on crack I'm a skilled professional, expert at my craft I am. You'll not be disappointed I can tell ya!

Just be careful girls. If he mentions "love" or "weddings" or "babies" get the pepper spray

Getting love I don't think the Mrs would approve if I go around talking like that to punters.

No, I'm strictly professional me, if you've heard the one about me taking my pants down it's ONLY because I was too hot in the room that one time!

Danga what are your thoughts on chair covers and mistresses? Have you got a big cock? Is it freckled?

Cross my palm with silver and you won't be worrying about anyone't thought on chair covers or mistresses!

Once you'e had a peace of the old Donga pie you'll never want another fuckboy again!

Strictly business though, if I take my pants off and reveal my large freckled cock it's only because I'm too hot you understand so no tattling to your mates about it like a fishwife!

Hey Donga I'll have you know we're not wives to fish or any other aquatic creatures

Getting Calm yourself down love and book a nice relaxing yoni massage.

That'll take the bee out of your bonnet. No need to get your panties in a knot!

I don't know! Wimin!!

Ooops 😂😂😂😂

Ok so y'all know that I'm trans/species fluid?

Well sometimes I ID as Brian from Hull ok!

(did I miss anything? did anyone have a go on it in the end?)

(thigh no luck on the deeds as such, but when I'd finally removed all the vampires from about my person, I did find one of them had coughed up a small brass key. Might that be of interest?)

M3 before I became a Brian from Hull parody offering yoni massages I went over to the spirit world to have a natter with you about thigh's Granny.

You were too busy running away from the vampires and I couldn't make the connection.

(dangly yes its been a bit of a fraught day if I'm honest. I wouldn't normally mind being smothered in vampires, at least not if they were the super hot broody variety...but these were excitable wee fuckers...5 inches tall... and very VERY bitey.)

(then I had to haunt radio 3 for a while...it turns out being dead doesn't get you out of choir responsibilities...)

I don't like the sound of tiny vampires M3 they sound exhausting, kind of like children!

I didn't know you could sing! I'm so impressed! Maybe you could trot out a haunted jingle to promote Brian's Yoni Clinic next time I transition? He's crack whore now you see so needs the money!

Dangly I'm glad you got back ok. I forgot I was supposed to be holding the end of the Flexi lead in case you needed rescuing from the vampires.
I only lay down for as few minutes and now it's suddenly late, and I missed having a go on Shit's big one.
I think I keep falling through a wormhole in time.
And my Argos fuckboy has not turned up.

Now I'm wondering if everyone else has fallen through a time wormhole.

I’m intrigued by the idea of miniature vampires. Like a tiny, disappointing Edward Cullen.

I just realised we never fed MrShit to the pigs.

Doghair I think everyone here fallen down the same rabbit hole as Alice. We're all mad as hatters in this place. AIBU to ask why the school playground mums are never this much fun? They never talk about yoni massages or vampires or Argos Fuckboys

Don't forget we had our yonis massaged inside Project's yoni then she was chafened and sad so half ate half applied a petty filoo.

I don't know how we will ever attract new people to our clinic. I suppose the one's who stay enjoy it the most. Should we be more normal to reach more people? Can we?

M3 are you pals with fermat and naked?