I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

MrShit when you talk about ‘shin magic’ are you talking length or girth? Whose shin? Peter Dinklage or Usain Bolt?

Long enough for you?

Interestingly mumsnet is asking me if my job is a bit draining. They are definitely spying on us

Crikey. That IS a big shin

Ready and waiting down by the river for you Project ja ja ja

That's one enormous cock MrShit i think I'll dance on that pole.

It will be the dance of your life, Thigh

MrShit we’d love to but fridays we tend to drink heavily and assassinate.

How are you fixed Saturday?

I'm fixed the same way every day Project. But my BITCH WIFE expects me to babysit for her on Saturdays

Project my ad is asking if I'll cope with the clocks going forward and has a baby on it. Like I care.

Why are MN trying to mess with our brains? They're trying to re-engage you in your career so you have no time to fuck about pissing your slanket in Thighland. It's devious.

Tell us more about the BITCH WIFE Shit.

Do you feel she has let herself go? Doesn’t tend to your needs properly? I reckon we can help you with that

I think it heard you say I had a job thigh. I may only reveal false information now.

I am secretly Theresa May.

Good point. MrShit Friday is murder night, Saturday sex night and Sunday we sort out Project's career. We don't really have any control over the schedule it's just murder by hive mind.

I use the phrase hive mind as a secret code, i don't understand it but i was given a subliminal message earlier by MN.

Shit is your wife frigid, a whore, slovenly, fat or bored by you? Does she go like this when you speak?

Did you get bees Thigh?

I’m thinking of spud in trainspotting 2, by the way now. Junkies don’t know when the clocks go forward and neither does Thighland.

My eyes are watering Mr.Shin, I have altitude sickness.
I'm going down.

No no no! No stamping on tennis ball.
The point is... you swing leg (to which stocking full of ball is attached) around with all of your might.
It is American Tan tights and they stretch as wide as the M1, you skip before the cheese wire of nylon approaches your free leg.
I never did.
The tights I was given were always laddered, I think it interfered with the aerodynamics, it wasn't that I couldn't be arsed to jump.

My husband calls Castles 'Rooks'. He is not to be trusted.

Project i didn't realise I was a junkie, it explains so much. Do I chase the dragon and write poems re daffodils?

Lad but that's correct, castles are rooks! I've never agreed with a man before, i feel unusual.

She trapped me, the BITCH WIFE, that's what. All I was doing was looking to get myself a nice bit of titty for the night. Bit of a squeeze. Good for the pecker ja ja ja. She had a nice set, so I gave it to her. She was loving it. Couldn't get enough of the old Shinnie ja ja ja. So, I left her place in the early hours, straightened my ballsack and thought that was the end of it all.
Fast forward a few weeks and she's fecking preggas. Silly bitch wasn't on the pill. Took no responsibility, did she?
Well, she still had a nice set and she promised me they were going to get bigger, so I did the decent thing. Demanded a DNA test. Put a ring on her finger. Took her up the aisle. Told her I loved her and all that. What else could a bloke do?
So mini Shin comes along and he's beautiful. Absolutely image of me, right down to the appendage. I knew that lad was going to end up just like his old dad ja ja ja.
But as for BITCH WIFE after everything I'd done for her, all she could do was moan. "I'm tired. The baby needs formula. We're out of food. Can you move your feet so I can vacuum under them?" Moan, moan, moan.
Then I met ShinofSolace. At a Health and Safety conference I went to to get out of a few days of eork. Daft bird but still tight. Well, I wasn't getting any at home, was I? I'd learnt chicks like the whole marriage thing, so I told her I'd marry her.
Then she led me all to you. Told me there was sexual deviance and I didn't have to be told twice ja ja ja

Thigh there are a few simple ways to tell whether you are a junkie. Do you feel disconnected from society? Prize time alone with your habit above the company of like minded people? Have you sold your sofa for crack?

MrShit give me a few minutes. We need to think about what to do with you.

Oh MrShit you're a real man aren't you? Just what this great country needs is a lot of men like you. I really fancy you with your interpretation of a big cock. Reg is having a party, we could all meet there. What's your wife's name?

Wife's name? She has a name?

Shit since your cock is so long are you able to stick it up your arse? I bet you can't.

Let me check the lie detector results. It might be on there.