I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

Getting I've got vacuum cleaner ads too. Specifically the ad says "find your perfect vacuum cleaner" what's that supposed to mean? A bit imperative.

Maybe Pauline/Shin is subliminally spamming us all with her vacuums and zoflora shizz hoping we all become more like Mrs Hinch and less like us!!

Dog I’m pretty sure if you call Argos up and should ‘SEX!!’ they’ll know what you’re after.

I’d try it daily. Phone up, shout ‘SEX!!’ and then hang up.

I feel I fit in with A B and C. In fact I’m already getting anxious about how to split my time between clusters without FOMO.

Can i apply for SMP 9 weeks after the birth of mg baby

Project is the lack of time spent in the funner clusters giving you a dose of C cluster?

I’m not really sure I belong with the narcissists. You know, because I have no flaws.

So which cluster is the cool/not cool, but shouts SEX down the Argos orderline? I think you've missed a cluster out.

Oh Project I am perfect as well so also cannot identify with the narc thing, but all is not lost, don't forget we have Borderline, Anti-social and my personal fave Histrionic to choose from in cluster B too!

We can be a little bit of everything!!

Dog you're right, there's a cluster missing!!

Will it be Cluster Z? Oh dear, I'm not qualified for this ... thigh help us out here, what cluster is cool/not cool and shouts SEX to Argos please?

My husband is as wily as a Russian poisoner, he texted back ‘can’t reply to your texts, darling. I have no signal’.
I was thinking of buying a squeal of pigs to deal with him but realised I need him fund replacement slankets and snacks.
Argos fuckboy supplied slanket, don’t know if he had a freckly cock as genitals are of no interest to me.
I would blame my age but it’s a lifelong ‘meh’ of mine.
I faked it for 40 years.
I could be a spy, actress or politician.
AF (Argos Fuckboy) did get socks from drawer, I don’t think he wanted too but dog, practising her stilt-walking (only back legs for time being, ‘stilts’ being borrowed feet from pouffe) seemed to unsettle him into compliance.
I fit into A, B and C.
I could never do jury service not because I’m not stable, I’m simply too indecisive, lazy and eternally pissed off.

Oh dear, am lying down and making up a whole new cluster would require a bit of effort. Here goes:

Cluster Z

Willing to kidnap Fuckboys
Happy to kill for fun
Practical re body disposal
Unconcerned re public opinion
Lazy re toileting n personal hygiene
Paranoid re constant threat

Lad your husband sounds like a worthy foe! Is he a Russian poisoner? Does he put cats in boxes and look super chuffed with himself? Does he play a lot of chess and attempt to communicate via yoghurt flavours? Is he a ballet dancer with a habit of trying to seek sanctuary?

Speaking of Russians I'm very very very very fucked off with Russians atm. Can't elaborate but i am.

HHHUUUUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHH! GGGGNNNNNNRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I really want a gin now. Anyone else?

No cats in boxes, he's unsure of them says they are 'inscrutable'.

He puts his balls in boxers, that's quite a skill when you are as old and dangly as he is.
He reminds me of being a girl with a tennis ball in a pair of tights tied to my ankle, happily tripping up at every jump skipping.

Ballet? Well, he has been known to tap his foot to Led Zeppelin, so I suppose he is artistic and athletic.
I'm not proud of him but the dog likes him so he's safe for now.

Also I used to work at Argos and can confirm that it is stuffed full of fuckboys.

Reginald we have noticed your absence

It's Friday so Dangles will be at the Advocaat.

True but am always open to a shot of the ole gin in me glass regardless of what else is already in there!

Lad does your husband play chess and go batshit if you eat yoghurt that is any flavour except for blueberry?

Phew, I have been successfully pigeon-holed - I am indeed a Z cluster.
Now...did someone mention GIN?
Or should we have vodka a sop to the Russians?

*As a

What's all this then, ladies? I've been told by my lovely lady friend, Shin that there's sexual deviance going on here. Tell me more about that girl with the tennis ball Lad ha ha ha

Shall we have a shot of vodka in our gin?

HUUUUUUUUGGGGGH GNAAAAAAARRRR HU HU HAAAAAAAAAGH

Make mine a double, Dangly ha ha ha