I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

Dog re coolness. It's not cool to be cool - even less so to care. But, as you say, that creates a problem all of its own. By not being cool you become cool and therefore uncool.

It's fucking Schrodinger again! Why is that man obsessed with us?

Pooter if you are an OAP do be careful not to get OAPaedoed - you could be getting groomed as we speak.

OK - I am going to say I'm a B with a splash of A and no C. But is my crippling humility a touch of C? It's really getting in the way of my obsession with body disposal methods and indeed making me anxious and fearful (a bit) but mostly impatient and with a rising bloodlust.

Pooter the way to deal with people who cruelly mis-racist you is to don your white cloak and hood and erect a burning cross on their lawn. Also sing some rousing renditions of "Swanee" and "Mr Bojangles" it's not cultural appropriation if you laugh whilst pointing at the noose.

I'm doomed to frostbite then
She is a Border Terrier, poo would only cover half of one foot, even then she can only poo in embarrassing situations such as in front of neighbour's gate while DH is boring them silly chatting to them, after she's had a 2 mile poo-free walk.

She could order from Argos but she couldn't answer the door to Argos fuckboy, latch is too high.
She needs stilts.
I will text DH to leave work pronto and return home via Argos.
Then he can begin to train our very intelligent dog how to use the central heating, how to open drawers for socks, the difference between socks and pigs, how to walk on stilts.
I am exhausted thinking about this list.
I shall remain prone until he comes home.
I can do this.

She has put the honking pig on my foot for insulation, not, you understand, for me to play, she's too intuitive for such insensitivity.
She is trying her hardest to help.
It's not her fault, it's my husband's fault.
I don't have an integral garage but rear garden is secluded and dog can dig deep holes.

(imagine there's no heaven.....its easy if you try....)

(in other news we don't have actual monster munch...just the ghosts of dearly departed snax....essentially every time a wotzit or munch escapes your clutches and disappears down the crack in the sofa... slowly over a period of weeks, it melts from your reality into ours.)

(thigh I confronted your Granny with her chequered past. She got pretty huffy and started ranting about some pot plant of hers you killed...but she eventually agreed to do some astral projecting and have look around for the missing documents)

(so if you see a ghostly slanketed form poking around, please don't assume its me and start feeding it monster munch - I've been stockpiling snax for bribery purposes and we will lose our power over her if she's well fed)

Ah DogHairEverywhere my frozen brain added an 'H' to your 'sit', which is why I detailed her daily shitting routine

M3 it really is a good job you're dead, don't mention the Delft china whatever you do. She'll ectoplasm you and no mistake. Even Rentaghost and Mr Claypole won't save you then.

thigh i think i am all of the clusters too and at the same time none of them!!

Schrodinger's clusters!!

Lad could you get really murderously annoyed with your DH and use your anger as an inner furnace until your slanket arrives?

www.cheesebrush.com/mrclaypole/mourning

Perhaps we can set up a Tribute to M3?

Dangly your exhuberance i would have thought marks you as mostly B, also your exhibitionism.

But you're always very keen on murder which is likely A. Your binge eating and drinking would point to C.

Yes, i think you're a real all rounder! Brava!

(Your Granny's back...and she's looking smug....its sending shivers through the length of my slanket!)

(OMG...she's brought vampires...shit...I can't even...ARGH!)

Oooh, I do like it when someone brings vampires

M3 tell her it was Pauline who broke the Delft, quickly!

As you know you do have a national anthem but i know that you have been wanting a song about me personally. Here it is, the committee has decided:

www.bing.com/search?q=another+you+the+seekers&qs=AS&pq=another+you+&form=EDGEAR&cvid=a46aa21303653ffdada5cc800ec56ee9

You're welcome

When I'm on this thread I keep getting ads for vacuum cleaners popping up. I think Mumsnet is fighting back!

It's beautiful thigh it perfectly sums up the way we feel about you.

There will never, ever be another you!! [heart emoticon]

I do think your Granny should stop scaring poor M3 with vampires though, she was just there Resting In Peace and communicating clearly and helpfully in brackets with Thighland and the next thing, BAM, she is being terrified by vampires.

I'll see if I can make a connection to convince your Gran to call them off. I used to be psychic, remember when I connected with your rubbish when storm Freya or a maniac had strewn it all over your garden? It spoke to me!

Dangly, be careful. Shall I put you on your Flexi lead so I can haul you back if you get sucked into the nether world?

On a different subject, I'm quite liking the idea of ordering an Argos fuckboy.

Oh yes thank you Dog I knew I could count on you to keep me safe from the vampires.

We'll have a code. I'll give one tug for 'I know I've been a while but I'm ok just hanging with M3 for a bit' and two tugs for 'Yikes!! Yank me back to Thighland soon as, I am in imminent danger of becoming a vampire dog!!'

M3 you never told us if you had a nice funeral. Was it a quick slide into the river job, or more of a Princess Di? I do admire a well planned funeral. So much more final than a wedding ;-)

I have seen people on S&B agonising over What to wear to a funeral? Good Lord (I refrain from telling them) wait till you hit middle age! You will have a dedicated funeral coat which will get trotted out several times a year...

Dog hurry up and order it's a BOGOF deal for fuckboys at the moment!