I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

I found one sticking out from under your couch when I was sucking up the Monster Munch from your carpet

A leaflet, I mean

Getting do you think my humility gets in the way of my towering intellect?

Getting yes, thanks for being my Roomba. It's because you're in my thrall that you do these little things. If i saw you as human I'd be grateful.

I think your boobs get in the way of your towering intellect, Thigh

Getting so few people refer to my towering intellect, do you think I'm a victim of tall poppy syndrome?

Thigh I think this is your megalomania playing up again. Nobody has mentioned your towering intellect because they've been too busy talking about freckled cocks, salmon fishing rights and half cats.

I know it hurts that both Naked and Thepersonyouthoughtwasnakedbutwasntnaked have been ghosting you. I think you need to talk to M3 about that

Maybe Naked ran away because she didn't really want a species fluid dog for a pet.

Dangles i think Naked fears my towering intellect and admitted poor behaviour as a spouse.

It's understandable i haven't even pretended that I'll try to be better, because I won't.

Anyway, enough about me Getting, let's talk about you. What do you think is my more pronounced feature? Towering intellect, humility or megalomania. After you've decided we'll talk about me again.

Btw Dangles there's a thread in AIBU (don't look, I'm telling you all you need to know) about psychopaths. People are scorning armchair diagnoses! Just when we had almost catalogued people into PD Clusters. It's valuable work, we're keyboard healers.

I know you were asking Getting but I think your meglamania is the most pronounced, not to mention the most divine feature about you thigh.

thigh I won't look but how silly are they in AIBU?? Of COURSE we should be attempting to organise people into clusters, otherwise we would have literally nothing to do at all! Oh but that's ok too!

Three very good points Danga.

Thanks for stepping in for me. I was too busy drying my hair to consider Thigh's megalomania.

We MUST organise people into clusters. Then write labels on their foreheads with Sharpies

I wonder if Naked and Thepersonyouthoughtwasnakedbutwasntnaked have got married to each other? They obviously have much in common.
Often the greatest genius's are destined to live a life of aloneness, Thigh, with possibly only a roomba for company.

Which cluster would I be in

Dog/Gin That's ok, I heard someone say 'not cool is very very cool' I did't know if that meant they themselves were cool or not cool but didn't worry my head further!

Expect an official diagnosis of your cluster from Dr thigh very soon and don't worry, they are all so wrong they are right!

Never mind personality clusters, I think posters on MN should have scores like on TripAdvisor. People who have called me a "smug racist" for defending a long dead author can have a symbol for a poison flask and yellow hazard tape, so I can easily avoid them (shudder)

Oh I feel so stupid for being conned by shin - I am always falling for these tricks. I am a gullible OAP and most of my pension has been taken by cold callers. Please advise, O Thighland !

I am cold.
I am home alone apart from the dog.
She is a) too short to reach the central heating controls.
b) is intelligent but hasn't had training to know which button to press
c) has fat 'fingers' so would press all buttons at once, even if a) and b) didn't apply.

How do I get warm without moving? ( I can't just flood myself with warm piss as I don't have a slanket).
I have tried to instruct her to fetch me socks but she brings a rubber honking pig.
Pig would not even be useful in body disposal.
I fail on some many levels.

I was going to have my morning nap but I can see there is some important work to be done re catagorising people into clusters. I have no knowledge or training as stated in my disclaimer but it's OK cos I have a medical degree in Psychiatry that I crayoned earlier, in blue.

Lad is she a large and hairy breed? If so, can you not just make her sit all over you, like a large, hairy rug. Added bonus, if she's like mine, she would lick up any bodily secretions you may produce.

Cluster A

Cluster A: Paranoid, Schizoid, and Schizotypal Personality Disorders.

Cluster A is called the odd, eccentric cluster. It includes Paranoid Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, and Schizotypal Personality Disorders. The common features of the personality disorders in this cluster are social awkwardness and social withdrawal. These disorders are dominated by distorted thinking.

Cluster B is called the dramatic, emotional, and erratic cluster. It includes:

Borderline Personality Disorder.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Disorders in this cluster share problems with impulse control and emotional regulation.

Cluster C is called the anxious, fearful cluster.

It includes the Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorders. These three personality disorders share a high level of anxiety.

Lad you're being a bit defeatist here - Argos do a same day delivery service as do Amazon in some cases. You could have a slanket so quickly if you ask you dog to order for you. Can the dog piss on you to warm you up? Do you have a jumper? Does the dog have a jumper? It should.