Thigh? Where is thigh?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I’m so confused.

But Thigh that will make you look like a manager

This is our 4th week of crime and nobody has arrested or even deleted us.

Does this mean they think we're playing a game? That we're playing*?

Mwa ha ha.

Getting with my pissy slanket, full face of face tattoos and willy forehead transplant i look like a manager anyway.

Was yesterday Thexit? I don't like the thought. We don't have politics here, we just come up with excellent plans then implement them.

S'not Thexit yet o thigh t'is 29th March.

We should be stockpiling food but I'm just eating it all as usual.

I'm stockpiling it in my stomach.

We surely don't need to be having Thexit in Thighland, it sounds like pure effort.

If only the PM would put herself down for a long nap instead.

Thigh, I have troubling news. I was in WH Smith with fuckboy and he was flicking through the car mags. As usual he was taking an age, reading each one for some time before deciding there was nothing of interest. "Well they've got that wrong" - "It's all adverts these days " -blah blah. (Naturally I came over a bit drowsy, and affixed my FakeEyes for a few long minutes)

Just as we were leaving I caught sight of the latest "Take a Break". It was only bloody Pauline on the cover!!

Apparently she has sold her story; tragic widowhood, successful makeover, etc. I was hustled away by fuckboy who was bored after 15 seconds, but the brief glimpse I had rendered me speechless. Nowhere did it mention her career as a murderer/fantasist/kidnapper OR WAR CRIMINAL. WTAF????

I couldn't buy it because someone might see me, but perhaps some thisters can find a copy? Probably your most annoying manager has one hidden under her "work".

Wtf have I missed?! I lay myself down on my chaise longue for a nap armed with my Gin IV and way up a week later covered in monster munch crumbs and drool to find shizz has hit the fan. FFS! On other hand, no one realised I was missing -hhrrumphh - I could have been kidnapped by one of Reg's haunted mannequins and hidden away in AIBU

MrsCat !!!

Hurrah!

I thought you'd abandoned the thighway and was busy baking for your husband and knitting tea-cosies for the PTA in the hope of a stint as Chairman.

I thought you'd had your bumhole waxed for your dh and were doing 100,000 sit ups in pursuit of the 'body beautiful'.

Thank god you were in your slanket this whole time.

Would you like a pint of wine? It IS Friday after all!

Cat how do you think I feel? 8 years ago I was banned by MN for being an attention seeker. What's changed? Nothing, nothing at all.

I thought you brought the lion to me yesterday when I was being murdered and getting a demi wave put in my hair by that sneaky bitch Pauline.

Pooter that money grubbing whore! Had she set the whole thing up with Take a Break beforehand? It's a low blow to destabilise a whole nation just to sell magazines!

I wonder if her fanny rejuvenation is in Hello!

Thank you Dangly it would be rude to turn down such a lovely offer re wine, may I have a cheeky half pint gin chaser too! Wotsits for everyone, yeh!

I agree with the Great Thigh and all citizens of Thighland. Threats seem to gear up on Thursdays. I wonder why?? I have a feeling in my water that the snake Pauline is a clone .... da da daaaaa!

Oh Pooter what is this about Pauline in Take a Break?

She would have got PAID for that shizz and after all she put thigh through!!

When I get up from this fifth nap I am going to get that bitch and shizz is going to get real I can tell you!

After my tea and after my sixth nap that is!

Keep on with the Goading Thigh - you bought us to this wondrous land to worship nap between your glorious, welcoming, giant thighs from those darklands of AIBU and God forbid, Style.

Here yo are MrsCat - please decant into pint glass.

And a side order of

Cheers!

Why did they call me an attention seeker? I'm worse now, much much worse.

How can I ever, ever, ever know what's correct if one minute I'm banned and the next I'm not despite behaving in a worse fashion?

Don't get banned again thigh ! We all lost our minds when you got drugged and became a Pauline-Bot

Dangly, I fear this just the beginning. She is a stone cold killer and/or fantasist. She will evidently stop at nothing. We must keep a close watch on thigh. Thigh, would you object to being chipped as a security measure? A microchip disguised in your undergrowth, and some actual chips in case you feel peckish during your next kidnapping ordeal.

Cat, we have never met, but l sense you are cool in a crisis. Of course the bitch has been cloned!! This explains so much.

So basically, Pauline and her vile facsimiles could be anywhere on Mumsnet AT THE SAME TIME. This changes everything. We must comb through the forums and report any sightings. Obviously MNHQ won't listen They always ban the wrong people. It's got to be mob rule from now on.

Pooter you have me very concerned. I was just about to terminate Pauline (after my tea and my sixth nap of course) thinking that would be an end to it.

But now the thought of lots and lots of Pauline's running about having their hair demi-waved, cooking from scratch, promoting improvement and waving their dirt devil handies around as if they own the place!

Well t'is exhausting! It's enough to make me need a seventh nap!

Dangly, the first thing is to keep your strength up. Make sure you have something like Horlicks before you nod off. The original type is for Night Starvation, but there is a new blend to help prevent Day Starvation. (Much like Day Nurse and Night Nurse.)

Rest, rest all you can. Don't try anything too hasty. A plan must be discussed. Sleep tight!

Pooter you catch me in between naps, now this is important shizz so i will try to stay awake long enough to help formulate a plan.

If not tho could you please formulate a plan and I will try to stay awake long enough to implement it at my end.

I like the Horlicks part of the plan! I do intend to add this nutritious beverage to my next wine order!

Should I go to the vet and ask to be chipped? It's £20 for a Jack Russell and I'm similar, in welcoming skillz at least.

I am surprised they banned you Thigh apart from your pissy slanket, facial and body tatoos and the forehead willy you seem so normal.