Thigh? Where is thigh?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I’m so confused.

HI YA !!! < kung fu kicks Pauline bot in the chops and then moons her> you want ballet bitch?! Take this jete in the mush and look at my unbleached arsehole!!

THIGH! THIGH! WE NEED YOU!

Wake up thigh, you must help us to get you back.

It's slowly making sense to me now.

dangly pointed out the article on Surrendered Wives, and after I read it I needed eyeball, never mind bum, bleach. It is perfectly obvious that PaulineBot is actually Surrendered rather than Insane. The thing is, would it do any good to stage an intervention?

First, for diagnosis, I think we could pose some questions.

PaulineBot how often do you wash your towels/your feet/your slanket/your dog?

Slow one fingered typing lag!

Thigh ,welcome home!

pauline, were you made to wear pink as a child? Did you do ballet rather than Karate? Did your parents insist you grew your hair long? Did they buy you unsturdy shoes?

YOU HAVE BEEN SURRENDER GENDERED

Pauline! Fuck off, your hair looks shit and I can see your pores from here.

See pauline if you were a thister you would greet that with a delighted smile of agreement.

Being thigh makes you strong!

RRROOOAAARRR let us piss our slankets and rejoice.

Am I too late PaulineBot? I was thinking of getting some colour in my hair...you know recapture my youthful spirit ...and you know...maybe make myself worthy of the odd male gaze or two? I'll save you if you promise to never let word of it get back to Thighland....

ps. Don't tell the others!

M3 please don't be seduced by the shiny things....it's how they lure you in!

And don't be a turnslanket !!

but...but...am I worth it? AM I???

I'm so confused...

Ah M3 please don't be seduced by the hype! Citizens of Thighland aren't bothered about being "worth it*

If only darling naked would come back from her snooze, she could do us an equation. She will explain the complex interaction between "but I'm worth it" /"but I can't be arsed"/"I'm too far gone now" /"there's a wedding coming up and I'll shame my family if I don't make an effort"/"It's lovely in my slanket....."

Don't be a surrendered wife like Pauline, it is v bad for your IQ!

Look away M3 here comes the science bit.

I should know better..I've been to the heart of the dark empire...I've seen the thousands of swatches of identical hanging in a range of solutions, being stretched and heated and dunked again and again....I've seen the 'shineometer' and the hair thickness calipers.....I've been out for dinner with the enemy...I've gotten drunk and yelled at them about how 'women, your friends don't think you are quite as ugly as you think you are' is not actually a feminist masterstroke but in fact yet more beauty based oppression...I've ranted into my wine about the need for them to take responsibility for the invention of scented tampons......

Oddly that's the last I heard from them....apparently they declined to fund my research after all.

BUT BUT BUT...I'd be happier, more successful, have more friends...if only I had slightly less shit hair...or slightly fewer wrinkles, or slightly less of the EU butter mountain around my waist...or slightly flasher clothes....or shaped eyebrows...or nail polish....or a fabreeze scented foof...aarghhhhhh save me SAVE ME THIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

M3 while thigh is having a nap and pissing her slanket after her ordeal I feel I must step in to help clarify a flaw in your musings.

Do not forget you are aiming for FEWER friends not more!

The aim of reverse improvement is to have an easy stress free life of relaxation and enjoyment! Do not encourage new friendships by liking attractive and selling fragrant!! Good god woman that could lead to guests !!!

Now we don't want that do we?

NO! I say this with your best interests at heart! Give your head a wobble eat some galaxy and put yourself down for a lovely nap.

Gah * looking attractive and smelling fragrant of course!!!

< Posts phone through nearest letterbox of condemned building>

M3 I would like you want to look at the following two statements:

A: I enjoy lying down and resting

B: I enjoy scrubbing floors until my hands bleed

Are you more strongly aligned with statement A or B?

M3 , as dangly says, the aim is to have fewer friends but nice ones. There 2 types; the first type you are always pleased to see - you don't mind them dropping by at short notice, and your only concern is whether the milk and cake cupboard is full. You can drop by at their house and they don't feel the slightest need to tidy up.

The second type are quite nice, and you really would like to be friends with them, but you are anxious lest they judge you. Sometimes if you brazen things out, you and they both admit to putting up a housework facade, and they move into type 1 friendship. Cherish them!

So really, Thighdom can work to find fewer, but better, friends!

Pooter do i really want more type 1 friendships? I haven't had type 2s since our dear Queen Victoria died.

Thigh , it is very true that type 2s become optional after a while. There's only so much socialising one can stand!

Just having a little think on ponderings and stuff:

Isn't Pauline Bot strange calling thigh a fat old slag and NOT meaning it as a compliment?

I hope she thought that I was a fat old slag too when I got all puffed out swinging the machete around her face! it's such a pity I needed a nap too much to press on with that!

I hear what you all say...I do...I just think I need some purple stripes in my hair....its all my own idea...I'm not subject to peer pressure...or multi million pound advertising campaigns...I'm not mindless brainwashed or shallow...I'm doing it for meeeeeeeeee.

Oh wait...there's a tear and share cinnamon bun with my name on it - pass the slanket!

dangly do you mean to say that it is ....okay to not want to welcome guests into your home? To NOT have erudite dinner parties for select groups of up and comings?

Why...why have I spent my whole adult life feeling like a failure just because I want to hide in my shit hole of a house and never EVER let anyone in?

Also, is it really okay to just eat food rather than instapouting it live?

I'm learning so much my brain may explode.

M3 , dangly my home is my castle, and sometimes it's nice to pull up the drawbridge and pour down some boiling oil!

M3 if your brain must explode it must!

Mine has done many times with multi outcomes but ...

YES! you are free now from all modern confines!

Now you are realising to lower your expectations your life experience will take a full moon turn for the better!!