Thigh? Where is thigh?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I’m so confused.

Good job you warned me Pooter I got to a page with Megan Markle on and then it fell open on the first page of Pauline's piece! Well obviously i cannot turn the page over but the last thing I can see is "So I was delighted to be invited to cater a wedding this week which ... ^ and then the rest is on the next page!

So I ask you thisters, is this OUR thigh's wedding she intends to infiltrate and th'abotage or is she just a sad old hag who has nothing to do but cater and occasionally drug and kidnap thigh as a side gig?

reg, you must get a dog to lie at the foot of the bed in case of monsters. It's really the only solution.

Good dog, dangly, I think you have sniffed out a dastardly plot. That Pauline is an evil stalker. She craves what Thigh and Naked share, a love that transcends time and space.

However, forewarned is forearmed. Security must be stepped up, and a police car parked outside at all times. thigh must be electronically tagged. Perhaps a drone should be deployed to interrupt a helicopter kidnapping. Pauline is known to have access to a yacht. Watch out for any strangers wearing Breton tops.

Ugh I've just read that surrendered wife article on line...bloody hell!

Pooter I know!! WTAH?? Surrendered wife!! I mean Huh??

And yes!! This requires a full military operation! shall we call the RAF, the Royal Navy, the Royal Marines and the Budhists of Bodhinyana Monastery, in Serpentine, Western Australia, to protect our blessed wedding?

Safety is going to be a major problem, but definitely monks - they can dance and chant while they scan the crowd. I think Royal Wedding Protocol comes into play here. Meghan and Harry was really just a dress rehearsal for thigh and naked 's union. Not sure if we'll be calling them thaked or nigh on the tea towels? Hello magazine will probably send out a press release.

I am terribly excited!

Has anyone organised wedding favours yet? If I see even a hint of sugared almonds I won't be held responsible for my actions....

Maybe we could ask the woman who made the cock candle to make a bulk order?

M3 it is an excellent idea to start planning this!

I do see a few snags though. There are going to be an incredible number of guests...especially now it's been mentioned in Take a Break magazine. That is on a par with Hello Magazine and Vogue. Everybody who thinks they are Somebody will obviously be desperate to get an invitation. Guests will all need a full body cavity search before being admitted, in case one is Pauline.

The problem with having too many guests at these fancy events is that the gift bags tend to end up on Ebay. Shameful!! No member of the public should be allowed to profit in this way.

I think we should make the wedding favours Ebay-proof First suggestion - monogrammed stun guns for all guests. They could file off the monogramming but it would ruin them. Second suggestion - give each guest a twelve pack of "Months of the Year" granny pants, clearly labelled Empire Made : Boilproof Elastic They would serve as a gag gift/ really useful depending on age

Problems, problems...Thigh and Naked , perhaps it would be easier to to elope? But I know you have dreamed of this day for many years (NO JUDGEMENT) so if you go bankrupt paying for it, I will defend you on XaibuX with every fibre of my being.
One answer could be sponsorship deals Promise to think about it!

hmm...oh! could we do a cast of every guests genitalia! Like a photo-booth...but with rather more plaster of paris mix?

Would have the advantage of not needing to get out of your slanket to do one....

M3 even better we could have one of those 3d laser machines that produces a perfect replica model. We could have a booth for the scanning and one to print them out. Each table's models will be used as centre pieces, then the guests will be asked to guess which genitals belong to which person. Hilarity will ensue!

Where is everyone? Is it weetabix wednesday in Thighland?

Has Pauline swanned through and hit the mute button?

M3 this is sinister.....but perhaps she is merely preparing herself for her new career in the media. I know she already uses 18 different products on her face alone. That must be time consuming. I am an innocent about bum- bleaching. Does the effect wear off? So many questions....

But where is thigh ?

This could be serious!

Has she been kidnapped and taken over again by that wicked Bot?

Has she blown away in storm Freya ?

Has she got cold feet for the wedding in case it leads to the future murder of her beautiful betrothed, naked

Did she run off with Getting ?

Has she thoresaken us to. become a monk and is busy doing her alms round?

Or did she join the circus?

THIIIIIGH WHERE ARE YOU? Please COME BAAAAAACK?

dangly I am feeling worried too. I feel as if my security slanket has been ripped away.

Is thigh moonlighting as an MP? Minimum wage and all the canapés you can eat? There are plenty of vacancies in my local job centre.

I know it's very concerning!

Has she fallen down a hole and now roaming the sewers just shitting freely with the rodents?

Is she off sick with megalomania?

dangly If she's in the sewers, did she fall or was she pushed?? Her megalomania is usually well controlled. Is she trapped under a fallen tower of stockpiled Brexit Spam? Has NDN pushed her too far and she's in the garage with some plastic sheeting? Has she had a dodgy batch of Monster Munch?

Please Thigh , send us a sign!

Oh dear Pooter if Monster Munch has killed her I am switching to Skips

Maybe the monster under the bed got her. I think we need a rescue mission!

HHHHHUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHH! GGGGGGGGGHHHHHHRRRRRTRRRRRHHHH!

Reg we do!! We need a rescue mission!! Can you drop by for me on your dragon please I will come with my machete!

HUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGH HA HAH HRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHAHAG !!

These slankets are so cosy, I keep nodding off.
If I can help (from my prone position) in your search for Thigh, let me know. I could send out searching thoughts, perhaps.

Gin you can hop on the dragon when she passes and then just stay asleep the whole time if you fancy the ride?

I will be napping through some parts of the rescue for sure!

Bring some bread and a prong, we can toast it on the dragon when we are awake. Butter - no Vitalite!

Sounds good, I guess a dragon would be a quite warm place for a doze. I could bring marshmallows for toasting.
Do we have a description of Thigh, so we know what we're looking for? Or do we have to unwrap every pissy slanket we find? I wouldn't want to disturb anyone who doesn't need waking.

There is a thread with her self portrait somewhere, hang on ...

reg your dragon fox combo sounds just about right. This is no time for delay!

Here's her latest ID:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3431069-Do-you-want-to-see-a-drawing-of-me

She's so talented AND fit ... sigh!