Thigh? Where is thigh?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I’m so confused.

AIBU to want revenge on my DP's ex? Even before his untimely end, I knew there was something going on. She was showings his dick pics to all her friends and (although it was massive) they were all laughing and pointing. He was so humiliated he turned to online dating, but could never find anyone as nice as me.

Eventually, after a sad accident which happened while I had an alibi, I became a forlorn widow. I had a makeover but my life was shattered. I went into a fugue state and kidnapped my nemesis thigh. She was rescued by her scruffy slanket buddies, and I am in the wind/on the lam (you choose)

Anyway my nemesis is getting married again soon. She is being a fucking bridezilla about it, and her and her friends have been all over the internet planning her stupid wedding. I have a nice friend who could maybe get the catering gig if he concealed his tattoos.

So, WIBU to disrupt her nuptials, maybe like in Lorna Do one (I had a classy education even though I am only a woman)

Or should I seek REDEMPTION

Woof Woof

WOOOF WOOF WOOF WOOOOF !!!!

What is it, dangly ? I can hear you barking from here. Are the grownups ignoring you again? They never learn! You'll lead them to the problem and then they will be pleased and give you doggy snax.

I am still avoiding going home, there is an escalating hazmat situation regarding all 3 grandsons and I am glad to be in Xiabux.

Xiabux???? Need a nap.

But if it's in Xanadu that's fine.

I have to say you make an excellent dog Dangly I know there are some on MN who scoff at the idea you can identify as a different species but you are so much more yourself as a dog.

A land where nobody dared to go
The love that Thigh and I came to know
They call it Thigland not Xanadu
And now, open your hospital gowns and see what we made is real
We are in Thighland not. Xanadu
A million dogs are dancing, Thigh you are, a shooting star
An everlasting nappin' 'n' snackin' world and Thigh's here with me, eternally
Not Xanadu, Not Xanadu
(Now we are in Thighland) not Xanadu
not Xanadu, not Xanadu
(Now we are here) not Xanadu
Xanadu, your phone lights will shine for you, not Xanadu
The love that echoes of long ago
You needed the MN to know
They are in Thighland not Xanadu
The dream that came through a million posts
That lived through all the 'husbands'
It came to Highland not Xanadu

T.h.i.g.h.l.a.n.d STOP autocorrecting use out of existence

We are being ATTACKED I say.

Gooooood girl Dangly....fetch the bone.......good girl.......liedown, liedown, Good girl.

Ooooopps, Dangly, not my queue..... giveitback........giveitback.....giveitback...GOOOODDD GIRL

Magic, naked !

I've had an extremely distressing dream.

For some reason I owed an extremely small pig. This pig was the size of one of your rugby balls Dangles.

Anyway, it was quite farty so i popped in in the bath. The bath was full and the pig shat itself a lot in the bath.

No matter how much I drained the bath and ran the water this pig kept squirting shit in a barnyard manner all over my plastic bath.

Pooter tell me more about this sad accident you are so far absolved from blame for - was it leprosy of the cock? I have seen that before. That's why a stick on willy willy not is far preferable. Dishwasher safe.

Wooof Wooof

Wooof Woooof < and can i just add what a lyrical genius you are, i am so proud to call you my owner >

Wooof Woof Woooof < thank you Small I am truly myself now I've ID'd as canine, of course I will still expect all my usual human privileges at the same time, plus special treatment and understanding, but I just feel more 'me' as a dog >

Scampers off for a piss under thigh's rose.

I have great news.

I have captured and rehomed a dog called Jeff from AIBU. He was fucking sick of having his character maligned and being called a cereal killer.

I'm having him ordained as a vicar along with you Dangles.

NC as might be outing.

Can I put my name down for a puppy, please, when Jeff and Dangles do the enevitable.

Wooof Wooooof < OMG thigh I saw Jeff's picture he is well fit, I hope he fancies me, does my fur look alright? >

Gin i have an eternally shitting pig, would you like that?

Dangles you stink of piss and have a stick on willy, you're a siren.

Gosh, what a attempting offer, Thigh, let me think about it.

Gin yes, you can have the whole litter I'm not maternally inclined! Prefer sausages!

Hey thigh , sausages! Now THERE'S a use for the pig!! I never liked that one anyway!

Oh thank you kindly, I'll just let him sniff my backside on the first encounter, must play 'hard to get'. I'm playing the long game.

Now I'm going to have to be a vegan and save the pig, so it never gets turned into sausages . What do I do with the otter that currently lives in my bath?

Dangly since you're a novelty stripper with a rugby ball routine you'll have to really work hard on making "playing hard to get" believable.

Gin us animals have no mercy, we eat each other, it's the law of the jungle.

Or the law of the garden in my case!