Thigh? Where is thigh?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I’m so confused.

Pooter !!! Come back !!

Wake up!

I need to tell you about my disciplinary ...

So they hauled me into HR and my manger was there, she way trying to bring up my lazy attitude and hold it against me like the beeeyaaatch that she is, but then she played right into my hands when she added:

"And another thing, we are just not happy that you spontaneously turned into a dog this morning"

AHA! The moment I'd been waiting for I looked her dead in the eye and said ...

'Are you INSANE?'

Well I saw her defences crumble because she knows that she is, she's a manager after all! So a corner of her mouth was twitching and I turned to the panel of HR and I said 'Do you realise that my turning into a dog is proof of my 'species fluid' status and therefore a protected criteria? I have this conversation on tape and I will be issuing a list of demands later on and if they are not met you will find a letter plops onto yonder mat from my brief.

They all SHIT themselves and started to back-track about me being a dog 'Oh it's ok, your a good girl, yes you are, yes you are' etc. I was not for turning! I said 'You will comply with my list or my solicitor will be applying for a tribunal, if you want to meet with me again I shall be bringing a union rep... I drop the mike!'

Insane manager fainted and the HR panel stared at me like

So what shall I ask for?

I've been waiting for the new thread!! Thought I'd missed you all!

hellen !!! < jumps up and licks face >

I'm a dog now and thigh and naked are getting married!

Gosh what did I miss! Had a bereavement so been awol! Where's Elsa? I have milk...

dangly well done! You are strong in your righteousness!!

I've had a little nap now, I'm not used to the good stuff and I came over all peculiar. I think the cook is heading for the cage, but a lot of people are really invested so I'll keep drip feeding.

Ooh hellen are you from the olden days? I read the archives before I came to thighland, and you are really going to be needed once we catch Pauline. Thigh wants to SHIV THE SKANK but I don't think that's very nice

Dangles what to demand from your HR department? Hmm, there's so much we need and want. I've been doing a lot of crayoning of Thighland yen ¥ but we all know about my thing for trans dog strippers. Mostly i think you need early retirement on triple pension plus a FUCK LOAD of snax and wedding slankets for all. Naked needs a bouquet and we need rings light enough for M3's trained sparrow to place romantically on our fingers.

Right on thigh that all sounds very reasonable. In fact it seems to me they are getting off lightly if they provide all of that!

I might add a clause that I can blackmail them for additional funds every year a
month before Christmas too!

So I want to retire on a fuckton of income for life, wedding slankets and snax, rings light enough for sparrows, a decent bouquet and I think they should lay on a fully catered venue with overnight facilities for all don't you?

I'll just go and see if my manager has woken up yet ...

What I want to know is are we Thighlanders an ethnic minority or are we more of a religious group? I feel like either way, we can all campaign for our rights like Dangly has. I am not sure if they will let me wear my pissy slanket in the kitchen as they might think it a health hazard esp if I wear it in the traditional manner with my wax arse. But I would like to be allowed to work lying down and at a much slower rate in the traditional Thighland manner. Also I will need a few weeks off to attend Thigh and Naked's wedding.

Small I will ponder that, while I wait to check the cook's phone again. I am having a lovely time in the rest home, I get my meals on a tray which is pretty fancy. MNetters are still mad with curiosity about the phone scenario, so I'm going to attach a diagram for them.

Dear Sir, I would like to apply for your Reality TV Show. As requested, I have no useful skills or talent, but I am fanatically well groomed. PS would it be possible to bring my boyfriend? He is well fit and has lots of lovely tattoos. Yours, Pauline

Dear Lonelyheart69, I have all the attributes you require. I would love to dine on your yacht, and could even provide my own cook. He has some tattoos but not gang ones. Yours, TheMerryWidow xx

Okay I've got 'Didn't I tell you, MIL fed the twins fruitshoots when they were 4 and totally destroyed their virgin gut bacteria!' in IV form, or I've got pink tablets with 2%w/w 'well technically the tree (that collapsed on the NDN car) is on our side of the boundary, but I really don't see how that changes anything' and small white pills that are 100% 'okay I admit it, its a reverse'.

I'd have more choice, but my supplier is stockpiling for Brexit...

thigh Okay but you don't want that sparrow anywhere near your actual fingers....its a bit of a humper to be honest. Best if you get it to drop them on a cushion or something, then flap your hands around like your defending a jam sandwich from a pack of wasps till it flies off.

Pooter is it that you have reeled in the Bot?

M3 I'm a bit worried your grade A dripfeed is running low. I myself had stockpiled a fair bit but the cupboard is looking pretty bare. XaibuX to resent all my so called friends thinking I will share after brexit? They are all narcissists and I have been gaslit

Hello hellen!

dangly does the best updates, but she’s a dog now and Pooter is on Melon’s drip feed. There was a bot called Pauline who captured Thigh and now we think we’ve ensnared her with a cunning lonely hearts ad so that we can shank her / turn her into a double agent, depending on whether the doves or hawks of thighland prevail. And there was some stuff on a bus but I was drunk for that bit so I’m not sure I can explain it.

Welcome back!!

Don't forget the upcoming wedding Project set to rival that of Kylie and Jason.

Oh yeah and thigh and naked are getting married but I’m not sure who’s the wife

Sorry dangly I have been so relaxed in the rest home that I haven't opened any post yet. I think I will leave it on the mat at home, where possibly Fuckboy will unthinkingly sweep it up and put it in the recycling. He is doing the bins with extra diligence in a vain attempt to win me back. yes I know we took our vows all those years ago, but I am being wooed by a man who can cook!

Also, I have my XaibuX audience to consider. They are hanging on my every word, and want me to YouTube when I next look at the cook's phone. BTW I am still pondering what his name might be, I foolishly forgot to ask.

On religion v inborn, all I can say is that thigh is my saviour, but was she born thigh??

Pooter well, my birth certificate does say Thigh on it. But Thighland was borne of a need to spread resistance and pissing to as many women as possible.

Well fucking hell. I go off for a couple of days and come back to weddings and dogs!

I have a few questions about Thighland. Do we have a national greeting? I’ve been hovering by the monster munch wondering if I’ve seen any of you furtively hoovering them all up, but rubbing thighs (mine or theirs) at strangers is a quick route to legal action. I am now a ‘person of interest’ apparently. So perhaps a less forward gesture would be better.

Do we have a currency? I done a art of one.

I had another question but I heard wine opening so I’m going to punch dp in the arse and drink all the wine.

If I may; Thigh I And I are to be neither husband nor wife, but Thighpartners bound together by sacred Slankets

Hurrah! My Mummy naked is here!

< barks excitedly >

naked I am your new dog!

I have been so comfortable in my new slanket that I dozed off...can I train you, Dangly, to do a trick, I have sausages. Will you fetch my slippers, my feet stick out the end of my slanket.

Oh yes Gin I will do anything for a sausage!

While you're fetching my slippers, will you collect another selection of snacks on the way back... Goooood Dangly. I am a modern reward based clicker trainer.