Thigh? Where is thigh?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I’m so confused.

Dangles you are trans species, species fluid. Half way between a vicar and a dog. You are also a sex worker, and part snack. You are what Britain has been built upon.

Poiter is this cook trying to traffic you or entice you into joining his cult? The lovebombing has set my Thigh twitching. You're a very valuable commodity and have many skillz.

Gin why did you lurk rather than join in? We are very kind and welcoming, we judge no one here. The best thing about Thighland is that it is not possible to fail.

We applaud failure and reverse improvement here.

Are we on thread 3 or 4?

thigh having just checked 'Threads I'm On' it would appear this is thread 4.

Dangly you should also reveal your plight on Twitter.

PS how did you get on at Crufts?

Thigh I am racked by feminine indecision and letting things simmer. For some reason many Mumsnetters want me to LTB, not realising cook is just an option at this point. Anyway, they all want me to spy on him a few more times then report back. I may do this for quite a long time.

Excellent advice Pooter I am exited for my disciplinary now! i'm ready for the beeeeyaaaatches. I wonder if Pauline will be there?

< sharpens teeth >

Oh I haven't been entered for Crusts yet Pooter, I've only been a dog for a few hours!

thigh , naked yooohoooo ... please can you enter me for Crufts?

or Crusts [confused}

Or

I've a trained sparrow that can fly the rings in if you want? I started with an owl but its head was easily turned and it always looked like it was eyeing up my date's tail for some sort of emergency snack.

The sparrow is swift and efficient but may not be able to carry anything to blingtastic due to its somewhat inferior power to weight ratio.

Thisters, has anyone got a dripfeed they can lend me?

Sure...this ones full of 'oh but actually it wasn't a mini it was tank' and 'well I didn't want to mention it but actually he had a knife'.

Shall I stick in your arm, or do you want to drink it neat?

Dangly remember to start your disciplinary with a short prayer, maybe sprinkle a bit of holy water on the panel?

Hey M3 that's the sort of thing, thanks!

Intravenous fine BTW.

I'm going to start a MN campaign to bring back Mrs Dale's Diary. There is a readymade audience, I am sure. "I'm rather worried about Fuckboy" was always a good opening line.

Sorry, my mind always wanders when I'm in the slammer. I'll check cook's phone when I've had a nap.

M3 could I also order one of your finest dripfeeds. I would also like it straight into my pulminary vein if poss. TIA

Pooter stay focussed!

Could you score me some shit and hit me up when M3 instals my dripfeed please?

Sorry, dangly I drifted off thinking about Mrs Dale's Diary and started tasting lemon curd sandwiches. Proust, innit?

Anyway, M3 's shit is grade A and no mistake, but I have a low threshold so can easily share.

M3 I can feel it starting to work!

'I could go to my mum's but I don't like to bother her'

'I don't know how I'll survive, I've never worked a day in my life'

'Someone at the school gate didn't speak to me last week. Should I slash her tyres?

'I have 4 children under 5 and my husband is a lazy wanker. But I luurve him. Should I stay? Ps my parents own our house'

IT'S TOO MUCH CAPTAIN SHE CANNAE HANDLE IT!!!

Pooter stay with me!