Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Mums of Boys...

137 replies

WithLotsOfSprinkles0 · 28/02/2019 19:54

...please tell me to give my head a wobble.

Ive got a 1 year old DS, I've only ever wanted one child but the things people have been saying lately have been worrying.

Of course he'll be spoilt and lonely like all onlys (Hmm) but also because he's a boy he'll leave me when he gets older and his own family.
Girls go shopping with their mothers when they're older and are close to them, boys aren't apparently. I would just brush thus off but it is actually How it is in my family.

Me and my mum go shopping, have a drink together but my brother barely sees her or texts her.

How has other mums of Boys relationships been? How do you keep in touch when they're older?

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 28/02/2019 19:57

My boys are only young so I can't tell you about them keeping in touch when they are older but as a girl I can tell you I dont hang out with my mum. So even if you have a girl that kind of relationship is not guaranteed.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 28/02/2019 19:58

Well mine are only 18 and 15 but I can tell you that we are rally close, that is get hugs every day and we talk and talk and talk.

I desperately hope this doesn't change when they settle down.
My brother sees more of my mum than one do and speaks to her more often and my dh is closer to his mum and dad than his sister is so fingers crossed.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 28/02/2019 19:59

Sorry so many typos

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 28/02/2019 19:59

I’m incredibly close to my boys. They are 15 and 12 and we have a lot in common. I have a daughter too but I wouldn’t say we’re closer because she’s a girl, we have the least in common though of course I love them all.

EhlanaOfElenia · 28/02/2019 20:00

When you were growing up, how much time did your DM spend with your DB? Did she go to his sporting fixtures? Did she teach him how to cook? Did she have chats with him over a cuppa in the kitchen? I suspect not.

I have boys, and I spend so much of my time with them. I take an interest in their sports, in their online games (fortnite), in their games (Star Wars Armada). We sit and chat and cuddle.

My DSis has 2 boys, who are now in their 20s. She did the same with hers, and she is so close to them, they spend a lot of time together.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 28/02/2019 20:02

I was an only child. My relationship with my mother was terrible because she was horrible to me. I was never lonely. However it is hard now that my father is getting older and I have no one to share the burden with (although this is exacerbated by my parents having my quite late). Would also dispute the idea that boys leave their parents while daughters stay. My father is his mothers main carer. I on the other hand am very busy with my children and struggle to find time to help him.

ShowOfHands · 28/02/2019 20:05

MIL has three sons (37, 34 and 32) and they all live within 15 miles of her. I see her daily (we work together!) but her sons see her at least once a week. We go on holiday with them, eat out with them have them over for dinner all the time, message or phone daily. She's the centre of family life and adored. Her dd? Lives 200 miles away (but v v close and speak daily).

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/02/2019 20:06

Mine are 23, 20, 18.

23 yo is in our lives 100%. He texts, calls, sees us. Lives a long way away though.

20 yo we rarely hear from. He’ll react to my texts etc. Loves us but is more distant (geographically)

18 yo. A mixture of the two.…

A dd would be closer I think. Although she might emigrate to Australia. Who knows.

Ylvamoon · 28/02/2019 20:12

My DH speaks to his regularly, he sees her regularly is say they are quite close! He has 4 other siblings, and they are similar, I really think it's down to how your family functions.

enjoyingscience · 28/02/2019 20:15

My brother lives close to my mum, she has his DD for weekends, babysits loads, goes for lunch weekly, sees him loads. I live 300 miles away, WhatsApp every few days, see her a few times a year when we go for school holidays etc. I’d say we were close but they are far closer. He’s always been a homebody, and I’m not.

MouseTheDog · 28/02/2019 20:16

My DB is nearly 40 and is very close to my mum. He calls her almost every day and sees her most weeks.

Middlrm · 28/02/2019 20:17

My boy is only 14 weeks but my husband is close to his mum, he thinks the world of her and we see her every week if that helps x x

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2019 20:20

Following Smile

Lemonsquinky · 28/02/2019 20:20

Boys are great because they have different interests so you learn so much stuff. Mine are 14 and 11.
I don't have any relationship with my Mum as she is abusive. I tried for 40 years to please her. I never did and she started abusing my dcs so I stopped seeing her. I don't think girls necessarily spend more time with their Mums.

Lilymossflower · 28/02/2019 20:22

Bullshit stereotypes, I know loads of adult guys who are well close with there mums.
Your relationship will be what you make it..

Don't let patriarchal social constructs imposed by other people affect you and your sons life. Break the social constructs instead

JRMisOdious · 28/02/2019 20:23

Out boy’s 16 (years), can’t get rid of him! Seriously, he’s much more loving than our daughter was at the same age and says he’s going to look after us when we’re old (can’t wait to get my own back). Our 25 year old daughter told us long ago she’ll put us in a home without a backward glance 😂

As for losing touch when he has his own family, that’s up to you. don’t be a pain in the arse and be as kind to his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband as if they are your own (even though you secretly know that no-one will ever be good enough for him ..... )

strawberryredhead · 28/02/2019 20:23

Those are just silly stereotypes.

Original poster
WithLotsOfSprinkles0 · 28/02/2019 20:24

Thanks for the replies, it has got me thinking.

My mum did Sit down with my brother and have a talk with him when he used to live at home. He moved out when about 23 and he pretty much keeps himself to himself.

It does depend on the personality.

My friend was tellling me she doesn't see her her 12 year ds as he's on his Xbox or out with his mates, but I suppose that's with all pre teens and teenagers.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 28/02/2019 20:26

Ds 24 only moved out last November - see him a few times a week. Phones most days.

See ds 26 every week as he lives a bit away. Phones about twice a week. Still all come on days out /family meals in.

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 28/02/2019 20:33

DS is 9 months. In 17 years and three months he’s off to uni and we’re retiring to somewhere in the sun. 😂 but seriously, I see my job is to bring him up to be totally independent so that we can also enjoy our later life ( I gave birth at 39 so will be almost retiring by the time he hits uni). I hope that he will still want to spend time with us but also hope that he has loads of friends and a full life of his own.

YeOldeTrout · 28/02/2019 20:34

I badly didn't get along with my mom.

DD makes fun of me. She adores me in own way but it's a constant barage of petty insults and pushing away. (I try to give as good back). DD is VERY competitive. She won't run slow if I suggest a run together. DD has long had to show off. I have no interest in shopping so we don't do that (she just wants my money & not to be seen in public with her).

The boys never complete with me. DS1 will ask me to keep his pics off of social media but they will gladly walk around in public places with me. Or go to shops.

I am currently losing will to live with DS's spellings, mind, but that's not sex-linked. :)

ooooohbetty · 28/02/2019 20:37

I'd say my daughter is closer in that she contacts me more, we speak more often and we do go shopping. My son doesn't contact me as much and I see him less. But I think that's normal. The old saying is 'a daughter is a daughter all her life. A son is a son until he gets a wife'. However I know a few people who have sons who phone them every day so they are all different. I wouldn't like that though, I don't speak to anyone every single day.

flowersaremyfave · 28/02/2019 20:47

A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life.

My mum says this all the time. She barely sees my brother and he was the biggest mummy's boy ever and didn't leave home until he was nearly 25!

Yet me and my sister (who were both daddies girls ) see/talk to her everyday without fail. We all go out or all meet round mums for a chat and a cuppa. I don't think you can beat a mother/daughter bond.

nrpmum · 28/02/2019 20:49

My ds is 18, he moved out a year ago to pursue a specialist course. We speak at least every other day.

QuitMoaning · 28/02/2019 20:53

My son is 21 and is awesome and we have the best relationship. He is at uni so don’t see each other a lot but have lots of funny text exchanges.
So glad I have a son.