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Original poster

Mums of Boys...

137 replies

WithLotsOfSprinkles0 · 28/02/2019 19:54

...please tell me to give my head a wobble.

Ive got a 1 year old DS, I've only ever wanted one child but the things people have been saying lately have been worrying.

Of course he'll be spoilt and lonely like all onlys (Hmm) but also because he's a boy he'll leave me when he gets older and his own family.
Girls go shopping with their mothers when they're older and are close to them, boys aren't apparently. I would just brush thus off but it is actually How it is in my family.

Me and my mum go shopping, have a drink together but my brother barely sees her or texts her.

How has other mums of Boys relationships been? How do you keep in touch when they're older?

OP posts:
Boulezvous · 01/03/2019 23:58

Sorry but I think some stereotypes are generally true and this is one of them. As a mother of a girl and a boy I am way more intimate with her, shopping, chatting and hanging out than with my cool DS. He hates shopping and chatting. And generally my pals with kids the same age - ie 18 and 16 - with boys are jealous of the closeness I have with my DD.

Egs - I'm away for a night at a hotel in the north of England, we end up Skyping and I give her a tour of my hotel room and then a long chat about her college gossip.

I have to speak at a very posh dinner do and she spends the evening before advising me on what outfit to wear for the back tie event.

We go to a college open day and then spend the afternoon touring the city and shopping.

We spend time cooking dinner together gossiping and laughing.

I'm nit saying boys don't do any if this bit generally my friends with sons don't do it half as much as I do. I'm not too smug but I am grateful. My kids dont spend much time with their Dad so it's not divided roles iMHO.

Piggywiggles · 02/03/2019 00:00

I’m not close with my mother and can’t think of anything worse than spending a day with her.

My DH and I are close to his parents so its a crock of shite...

ineedaholidaynow · 02/03/2019 00:09

So would you not go to college open days with your DS or do cooking with him Boulez?

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds Families
Cranky17 · 02/03/2019 00:11

Me and my mum go shopping, have a drink together but my brother barely sees her or texts her.
I wonder though whether your mum felt she didn’t need to develop a strong bond with him because she had ‘her girl’

It’s interesting a friend of mine has two boys, adored them until she had a girl and the boys have almost been relegated to now be dads children since.

Cranky17 · 02/03/2019 00:12

Boulezvous

I wonder how your son feels? Whether he’s happy or feels sidelined

Juanbablo · 02/03/2019 02:20

My eldest is only 11 but we have a very close relationship. I think we always will. He tells me everything. I hope that continues!

6demandingchildren · 02/03/2019 06:54

5 boys, 1 girl.
Only have 2 boys left at home.
My adult boys come home of they are ill and sleep in my bed.
They are always on the phone.
And they all love to come shopping.
Not much different to my daughter.
But the daughter in law's are also in contact with us and comfortable just to turn up and spend the day/evening with us.

Hopelesscase28 · 02/03/2019 06:57

Dh very close to his mum. Sees more of her than he does of me - phones every day, there both weekend days, all day on a Sunday and sees her at least once in the week as well unless he’s away for business.

I don’t expect to see either my son or daughter much as adults. We have nothing in common. So I don’t think it matters really.

Flamingosnbears · 02/03/2019 07:04

You can't stereotype, I'm a female and I certainly don't have a close relationship with my mother, alot of it depends on how your brought up. I intend on being close with my children when they're older.

TheFrogsLegs · 02/03/2019 08:01

I have a adult son and daughter; both are very close to me in different ways.

Among other things DS and I enjoy cinema trips, road trips and quiz nights etc.

He has a very busy social life of his own, but he doesn’t ignore his old mum!

ThursdayLastWeek · 02/03/2019 08:15

Utter rot.
Since when does sex define your personality for goodness sake?

I have two boys but they are very small so I can’t soeak for our continued relationship.

However I am a daughter if a mother and we're not very close at all. My parents lifestyle keeps them from day to day interaction with us, but if it didn’t i suspect I’d have offended her by not wanting her as much as she needed to be wanted.

ThursdayLastWeek · 02/03/2019 08:17

And I honestly think worrying about it is silly too.
Don’t build your life so entirely around your children so that when they move out/get a partner/new job elsewhere you are totally bereft.

If you rely on your children of either sex for your extended happiness you’re going to be disappointed at some point!

ZenNudist · 02/03/2019 09:19

Newsflash: people are all different. Its nothing to do with gender

WillGymForPizza · 02/03/2019 09:46

We were close until her late teens

So when she developed her own personality and opinions, and you needed to start respect her boundaries then?

Oh and I don't believe for one second any woman would try and isolate a man from his family. That line is usually trotted out by overbearing, needy mothers who can't handle the fact that they have to 'share' their adult sons with another woman/family.

elQuintoConyo · 02/03/2019 10:01

Steaming pile of horseshit from small-minded people.

I'm an adult woman, have an older sister, neither of us live in the UK, dsis lives on the other side of the world. She is the spot of our mother and has the Golden Grandchildren. She has cut off our father for the last 7years or so.

I find my mother cold and narcissistic and have a very close relationship with my father.

Our 7yo son is equally happy with either of us, so far. DH takes him to one sports thing a week, me to another. I'm creative with DS, DH does cooking with him.

We alternate playdates between different friends,we go to the park and the beach a lot. DS is never lonely nor has he ever asked for a sibling. He loves France and if he ends up living there after uni (or not uni, nothing is a given) we'll be delighted for him.

Shockers · 02/03/2019 10:03

I have a DD with additional needs who takes up a lot of my time, so I’ve always taken DS2 (closest in age to her) on holidays and days out alone, as well as our family activities.

We’ve had some wonderful times together.

He’s now at university; he messages every day, and loves it when we visit, even though he has a very full social life. I visited the other day and we lunched and chatted for hours.

My eldest son is in his 30s and still phones weekly for long chats. He and his partner are coming on holiday with us soon.

I honestly think that if you give your son the opportunities for a close relationship with you, you will have one.

3boysandabump · 02/03/2019 10:07

My boys (I have 4) are all 8 and younger so I can't really comment on my relationship with them as obviously we are close because they are small.

I can say that I have never in my life been shopping with my mother and we message each other on birthdays etc and occasionally like or comment on each other's Facebook posts. That's the total of our relationship. I was extremely close to my dad before he died though.

Having a son/daughter doesn't really make any difference in what the relationship with the parent will be like when they're adults.

HotChocolateLover · 02/03/2019 10:23

My son is very cuddly and loving and I hope we’re close when he’s an adult. My DH is really close to his mum. He calls her everyday and sees her fortnightly (it would be more but we live 100 miles apart) She has two other sons and one she never sees and the other is similar to my DH.

Esmeralda67 · 02/03/2019 11:54

What is this obsession with shopping? What a strange way to judge a relationship. I am a woman and see shopping as a thing that has to be done not a leisure activity. Such massive stereotypes, girls equal shopping, boys equal football. It is very depressing.

IWantChocolates · 02/03/2019 11:58

I'd say my brother and I are equally close to our mum. Yes, we shop together sometimes but he probably sees her as much as I do (although I've just had a baby so she is popping round more often atm).

My son will probably be an only and I will do my best to have as close a bond with him as I can.

Chocolateandabook2019 · 02/03/2019 12:19

Oh and I don't believe for one second any woman would try and isolate a man from his family. That line is usually trotted out by overbearing, needy mothers who can't handle the fact that they have to 'share' their adult sons with another woman/family

^ MIL down to a tee.

She resents me because she still sees dh as “still her little boy” (aka trying to put me in my place, like he still “belongs” to her).

....and the annoying thing is, she just wants him to run around doing everything for her and FIL, whilst his golden child dbro gets away with everything...Angry

Chocolateandabook2019 · 02/03/2019 12:22

Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest Sad

WillGymForPizza · 02/03/2019 12:31

I don't get the shopping thing either. I'd rather pull teeth than go shopping with DM, we have totally different tastes. I love charity shops and Primark and H&M and F&F Tesco and she's a massive clothes snob so you can imagine how well that goes down.

TonTonMacoute · 02/03/2019 13:35

My DS is an only, and we are very close. He is 20 now, and at university, so I don't hear from that often, but get text messages several times a week. I would expect the same from a DD though at that stage.

He tells me things about girlfriends and other worries, and loves coming home to mum's cooking. How it will be when he is married and settled I can't say, but both DH and I are close to our remaining parents and speak/see them regularly so here's hoping.

TonTonMacoute · 02/03/2019 13:36

Agree about shopping, I would hate to go shopping with anyone else Confused.

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