Mums of Boys...

[WithLotsOfSprinkles0]

...please tell me to give my head a wobble.

Ive got a 1 year old DS, I've only ever wanted one child but the things people have been saying lately have been worrying.

Of course he'll be spoilt and lonely like all onlys () but also because he's a boy he'll leave me when he gets older and his own family.
Girls go shopping with their mothers when they're older and are close to them, boys aren't apparently. I would just brush thus off but it is actually How it is in my family.

Me and my mum go shopping, have a drink together but my brother barely sees her or texts her.

How has other mums of Boys relationships been? How do you keep in touch when they're older?

Mum of boys here. Im very happy that i will not be lumbered with grandparent duty. That will be my future dil's family duty. Im happy to be a disney granny. This is on the basis that my dil's are like many mn posters who cannot stand their mils. And my sons love clothes shopping. Its all good

@wizzywig, hopefully you’ll have a great relationship with your future DILs.

Although mines a cowbag, it doesn’t mean I think all MILs are the same. It’s just that some of us are unlucky.

It’s what you make it. People still say that to me, I have two boys. Would have loved a girl tbh and I worried that they will leave me for their girlfriends!

My teenager is very close to me, he gives me hugs, tell me he loves me, talks about his friends. We went on a few holidays together (single parent). I’m conscious now that I want to keep a fairly close relationship, so I’m going to try and keep up going on a short holiday every two years. Maybe just go the extra mile to keep contact regular.

My younger son has SN and very huggable, and loves shopping! So again, I think I’m very lucky. Of course there are differences. But we do make them worse I think by insisting we can’t shop or chat with our sons about emotional stuff. I’ve even had friends suggest that when my teenage son was going through emotional difficulties, that he really needed a male role model to talk to aboit them. Why not me?! And you know what, he does get more out of talking to me.

I have a step daughter and she’s very close to her mum, and I’m actually more put off by that. The daughter seems to totally model herself on her mum, they are small minded, work together at the same job, treat men like their slaves, and think all women are bitchy so have no outside friends. I thought I’d be jealous as I would have loved a girl, but there’s another side, one where you can overly identify with one parent, not become independent, and not branch out yourself either.

My boy is now 16. He's more agreeable than his sister. He's happy to go shopping with me as long as food is involved for him.

I have different but positive relationships with both my children. They are both completely different to each other hence why the relationships are different.

I’ve two boys and two girls, all in their twenties and my girls live up to the stereotype and spend a lot more time with me ‘shopping’ or whatever. They also tend to talk to me about what’s going on in their lives a lot more than my boys too. I don’t know why it ended up like that but it has. I swear it wasn’t my fault. 😅

The thing is though is that I’m just as ‘close’ to my boys as my girls. I genuinely love them all to bits and enjoy my boys every bit as much as my girls. If I only had boys I wouldn’t feel I was missing out because I wouldn’t be.

OP, you need to not worry about this and relish your lad. A million Mumsnet anecdotes won’t make any difference.

I have 2 boys and a girl, both of my boys loved their cuddles, and my daughter was the complete opposite. My oldest boy has just left home, and if anything we are closer now than before. He phones all the time, and still checks in, hes only 19 but he's a grown man with a blossoming career and doesn't need me all the time, but he still needs me, and still phones for reassurance, and he also looks out for me to make sure I am doing ok. All you can do for your kids is show them you love them, and make them feel it, and as your little boy grows up, your relationship will change anyway, you won't need the same level of attention from him and you will look forward to watching him step out and become a grown up.
Also, if you have another child that's all well and good, but you aren't guaranteed it won't be another boy.

Thanks for your replies, it's definitely given me food for thought.
It's all about the effort you make and pretty much their own personality.

I love him loads and right now, i never want him to get a girlfriend/boyfriend and leave mebut I'm sure I will when the time comes.

There's a lot of stereotypes with boys, all I can do is try and have the best relationship with my ds as I possibly can.

My mum had two boys then me. Although bshe spoils my brother, there was definitely an expectation when I was growing up that I would go shopping, do all the present buying and wrapping, had to see certain shit films with her (50 Shades...I was bored to tears) coz I'm the daughter. Fucking hated it. We are close-ish now, but I'm far closer to my dad to talk/confide in him way more.

She's more or less driven one of my brothers away with her selfishness. She also sometimes spews that drivel of a 'daughter for life...until a son finds a wife' shit. I just think, 'no, it's because you pushed him away and he's gone to her family'. She is besotted with my son but said the other day she'd kind of like it if my next baby (I'm pregnant) is a girl so they'll always be close i swear if it's a girl, I will be putting my foot down about any of that shit.

My partner is an only child. He's close with his parents, speaks to them daily and we see them a couple of times a month (they live nearly 2 hours away). I also encourage a relationship between MIL and our little boy, and think a lot of her. Why? Because she's lovely, accepts me as her sons partner and grandson's mother, and doesn't pull any shit.

Also, I'm a carer with the elderly. It's surprising the amount whose sons live locally and are very involved, compared to the daughters who moved abroad and are not quite so involved. The ones whose sons don't bother are typically the ones who think the DIL stole their 'baby boys', therefore push them away.

Society favours girls (there's enough bloody threads about it on here) and seem to want mini-me princesses to go shopping with. It's those woman who also have sons that I think will eventually drive their sons away.

Boys are great. Mine are grown up and we are really close. I have lovely relationships with their partners. I agree the girls are closer to their mums but then I’m not their mum.

I think it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. My mother and grandmother both effectively went to war with their future DILs because "she's trying to steal my little boy" , then cited the fact that they ended up not seeing much of their adult sons as evidence of "your son is your son" etc etc. Equally, if you raise your sons to believe that caring roles and emotional labour are "women's work", then you can't really be surprised when they leave the care of ageing parents to their sisters.

I think there are DILs out there that try to make life difficult for adult sons to be close to their family. Just look at the threads around Mother's Day when a DH wants to visit his family, you'll see lots of threads about how she's had 'her turn it's my turn now'.

I just had a baby boy and I'd never considered this but your post got me thinking (as I'd probably not have more children either) .... at first I thought oh no it's true I won't see my son! But I've got older brothers and they adore my mum.

My husband on the other hand argues with his all the time.

The difference? My mum is relaxed. Her children are adults now, not children. She doesn't want to tell them what to do or who to see or judge their choices. She always gives advice when asked, she shares her opinion, but she is a fun easy going friend most of the time. She has done her mummying side of things. Of course she's still a mum and does lovely mum things for you / with you, but she won't TELL you what to do, she'll just BE there for you.

DH mum however...Almost everything he says to her or tells her she has a narky opinion on. We "waste our days" we "never see anyone", we "really shouldn't be wearing that". She's OTT, tries to buy our affection and time and then uses it as emotional blackmail. Even worse since our son was born.

So I think as long as you don't "mummy" him his whole life, he'll actually WANT to see you, not WANT to run away from you!