I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

nini she’s a little young for gin or opium. I’d second the ‘running away before she knows it was you’ thing

thigh I reckon husband's CATS BUMFACE could not only open cans but shatter glass, in that even the th'posh wine that needeth bottle opener could be sheared off in a neat line at the opening, thus the heat of his wrath could be a new Business Venture in Thighland!

Project I am to have all mums on my chest and so for you shall pop Dh's famous bumface beside them all therefore he shall be next to your mum too by default.

Greetings.

I am a 46 year old mother of 2.

I keep having thoughts about one of my eldest sons teachers.

There are several disturbing aspects to this for me;

I am happily married.

I am a peri menopausal old gimmer.

He is young (Cough)

He has grey eyes.

He has tattoos.

At parents evening it took all the self control I had not lean forward and lick him.

Help!

Project i was going to have those piercings that are spikes to replicate his fangs in my bum. This would remind me never to relax lest he come looking for me again.

chevvy it’s obvious. You must lick him. Perhaps he won’t taste nice and you can go back to your family life. Or if he does, I’m sure you can come to some arrangement with your ‘husband’.

67 lick him and tell us what he tastes like.

thigh that is dedication. You mustn’t let it interfere with lying down though

Oh ninibear you must never worry, we are here!

Just try to carefully place minute-you on the nearest surface next to you.

Then run for your life, get all supplies, Monster Munch, Wine, Coke, Snack a jacks (salt and vinegar0 and anything else your very existence depends upon.

And run back to the child, it may now be screaming but we covered this earlier, screaming is good for the mind and the soul.

So just eat your snacks and then re-attend baby - a happier mum!! (heart emoticon)

67 you mustn't worry about this. Bring him to our HQ and we'll all have sex with him for you and tell you everything.

chevvy it seems to me you could vent these feelings in a more harmless way.

Maybe employ a Fuckboy (they are found by the river I'm told) but beware of Stupendous Steve, he took my mate for a ride!!

Will this involve kidnapping? I am happy to be get away driver as long as no one minds my aforementioned general uselessness which also extends to driving. I have a very bad sense of direction too so will need a Sat Nav.

Perhaps he’d be happy to stay on. We could make him a little garden with the priapic thigh / goat fucking statues

nini you've nurtured this child long enough, 5 months is practically adulthood. What more can be asked of you? Let her make her own way to the crib while you go out on the lash.

Project or pop a plant pot inside his cage?

Small this is what we've always wanted, a useless getaway driver in Thighland Please stay we may need you tonight!

This plan is excellent. Yes. Marvellous.

Now...how to entice him into the getaway car..?

My withered old body won't be enough of a temptation I'm afraid...should I bake some flapjacks???

If you keep him in your bunker HQ for me my husband need never know...

trawls Amazon for adult sized cages

As long as the excercise facilities are adequate. We wouldn’t want him to lose muscle tone

Opium flapjacks!

He has lovely forearms...

excuse me a monent

Project i can offer exercise equipment. I have an exercise bike and some weird elliptical trainer that some mug placed in my house in the hopes i would exercise by accident.

Wait. You said he had tattoos? Are any of them of a mum’s face?

Do you think he’s on here?

67 befriend his mother, she's probably nearly your age. Once he gets used to calling you Auntie 67 you can safely lure him into any care saying his mum said it was ok.

Hmmm. No opium in the house atm.

I've got some old animal tranqs...they might work?

Correct dosage is key though...dont want him foaming at the mouth and trying to lick his own genitals....I will do that! sigh

I probably went to school with her!!!

Woe!!!!