I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

Or who's got the Dark Lord In Training? Get them done Dangly. Or me, I've got one of those. Although to be fair he's practically there already.

Have you decided on your path then Small?

I've got a big dog (as well as a small) who is a maniac, no-one round here is understanding of that. Sob.

Well I have actually Googled Flu camp and it sounds excellent. You will have to stay (lying down) in your isolation room for about 12 days and it pays £100 a day. The disadvantage is you can only do 1 trial a year so this would not really be quite enough.

Bloody hell though Small it's a start, you get paid for lying down. Maybe then a sleep study?

Klept it's no use me just having one of you (as mums) done because it has to be one of OUR mums to as to put off the advances of any potential suitors with an actual 'MUM' tattoed on our chest.

But is ok because I kept on forgetting to do away with dh for his potential CATS BUM face when I drink to excess every weekend! So HE will be a good reppellent against potential future suitors.

That and my unattractive ways in general so all is well.

Small I salute you!

You could catch the flu for £100 per day whilst on sick leave from your job which you are now glad to be bad at! This is a win/win situation.

Stay in your job and shirk the time away until 'flu season' then it's pure paydirt!!

Maybe you should switch to a tattoo of your dh with cats bum face on your chest to repel suitors Dangly. That way if you do bump him off you can use it to prove to police what a loving wife you were.

OMG you are a genius I was thinking I would have to do it during the holidays!

OMG you are also a genius Small I am needing this tattoo asap to prove my innocence and lovingness!

In fact one they see said CATS BUM FACE they will not even make an arrest, will have every sympathy with me.

Dangly. I just had a flash of inspiration. When your husband does CATS BUM FACE, you can use his mouth as a bottle opener.

OMAG Getting this is the best advice ever, I will make use of the face to get my bottles open!

Why did I not think of this, I am coming to Australia (except am adverse to travel and flying and going out and anything requiring activity)

Hey remember when we all turned Aussie? Can we all just be Sheila's again for a bit?

Mate?

This has certainly been a most productive evening and I now have a career plan moving forward. I am happy to walk any Thighlanders dogs in between bouts of flu, if you are not that fussy about getting them back and have good insurance.

Glad you like my tattoo idea Dangly , my own dh has a fairly unpleasant expression a lot of the time so I will have to ask if anyone could sketch him in Sharpie on my chest.

I can't be Aussie Dang cos I am a professional northerner but you crack on mate.

I CAN SO DO THE SHARPIE THING I HAVE ALL THE COLOURS!

Whoops she said shouting.

I must admit I have seen those big sets of Sharpies and wondered why you would need all the colours but I now see the point of them. I will PM you a pic of dh doing his late evening scowl and you can crack on.

Klept It's only ever temporary so not forever so Bonza.

And I read your shouty post in an Aussie accent, so cheers, Sheila, you Stickybeak.

Soz Klept, always wanted to say that to someone since the '80s neighbours trend!

Klept can you sharpie my Dh's CATSBUM FACE onto my chest please, mate?

Dangly do you think we could open cans with your "husbands" CATS BUM FACE?

Does everyone object to London as the capital of Thighland? Could it just be my arse?

Re tattoos, everyone has everyone's mum's face one after the other on their chest.

So we all have to have 20 full face and full chest tattoos mmm'k?

Please no one get the dark lord sharpied on to themselves. It only encourages him.

Hello thiciples

Newbie here. I'm currently lying down but have a 5month old on me and need to move her to her crib without waking so I can go get some monster munch. Any tips?

I’d quite like Dangly’s ‘husband’s’ CATS BUM FACE next to my mum though

nini could slide to the floor and along it in your slanket then pull the crib onto it's side and catapult her in then run before she realises it was you?

Project you could put the CATS BUM FACE on your mum's bum.

I'm having the Dark Lord in Training tattooed on my bum. That'll learn him.

Do you think you can adequately capture the fangs though?