I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

Be careful Pooter we like to rest our hearts, make it a whispa.

Truly, it is ancient wisdom!

All hail Lord thigh who hath saved us from ourselthes!

Please can I have a wispa too?

Is it acceptable to be off work in my state?
Ear infection in both ears,
Tonsilitis,
High fever, sweating so much I've had to change clothes numerous times a day.
I haven't left my bed in 2 days so far, I cant even find the energy to go and get my prescription for co-codamol that out of hours gave me.

I said I will go in tomorrow but I feel.that it's the last thing I want to do, honestly feel like i need to be on life support before it's a good enough excuse to not be at work. Why am I so soft?!

Dangly I'll send you a chocolate hamper.

Wait....no thibling rivalry, thampers for all!!!

Ive had a pretty stressful time. My house is filthy. DP is "too ill" to do it apparently.
So im working 50 hour weeks, coming home, sorting the kids, doing homework, bedtime routines, getting myself something to eat and then cleaning the house! Its too much.

Ive tried lying down but he left shit stains in my toilet... i tried to just lie down and ignire the mess but no fucker else is going to do it.
What do i do all mighty thigh?

Sweet you poor dear, you're almost dead. You do know who's to blame don't you? Society, that's who.

They force you to work and work, for nothing. It's all an illusion. Are you a surgeon who needs to operate a life saving transplant on me tomorrow? If not, go to your GP (or just phone) and ask for a 2 week sick certificate. Fuck work, they'll kill you if you don't fight back.

Quick thigh (dont get up obvs) these women need your wisdom.

I've told you before Royal leave the fuckers to stew in their own filth and run away with a Fuckboy.

Alternatively Thislido will come over with the bus and a set of all conclusive collars and take all of them away on a one way journey to centre parks.

Small I'm saving them all with one eye 👁 and a thumb. I'm watching shite TV with the other eye 👁

I quite like the idea of getting rid of the fuckers...

!!!!!!!!ALERT!!!!!!!!ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thighren has been thounded.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3524416-IS-IT-NOT-NORMAL-MY-NEARLY-15-YEAR-OLD-DAUGHTER-HAS-NO-INTEREST-IN-KICKBOXING?msgid=85396527#85396527

Fuxake Reginald I'm creating a Glorious Nation n eating snax here. They seem to be losing their shit 💩 so i said Hi 🙋🏾 but my magical solutions and salvos are dispensed here, at our peaceful/violent advice clinic.

sweet for the live of thigh don’t go to work tomorrow! And if you do, lick them all and spit in their coffee. See how they like it.

royal if it’s upsetting you can you throw bleach at it and then continue to lie down? Sounds extremely wearing

Project i wonder if sweet is your poorly farts managee? See how sick she is?! I've just given her 2 weeks off.

If she licks me tomorrow then I’ll know. Perhaps this should be the Masonic symbol of recognition for thisters?

I think if your bathroom is truly filthy and covered in shit you seal up the door and wallpaper over it like Reg Christie. Then get a sledgehammer and knock a hole in our house to the outside to stick your arse out of to do your filthy business.

People will notice a shitting arse hanging out of your house. This will further repel guests.

project do you think you should do this at your house? It will help it to sell.

Project we proffer our Inner Thighs

Well it would certainly give the postman something to think about

Royal what in the world of fuck is wrong with your sissy of a partner? He's lucky it's not Friday and i have snax.

For licking?

Royal, you have obviously made a rod for your own back by keeping a clean house. Look at your husband, his immunity is at rock bottom due to never encountering enough germs. Stay strong, and cultivate a relaxed attitude. Can you go to the loo in the dark? It's little details like this that calm one's soul. Don't have any visitors for a while, get some industrial cleaners in after the Easter holidays. If you feel guilty at the encrusted filth, pretend you rent the house out and the absconding tenants have left it in this state. The cleaners will tut in sympathy and possibly offer a discount. Keep their number.

Project and would increase viewings. Keep the Dark Lord in Training off school tomorrow and give him a sledgehammer to play with. Say i said Hi.

Project perhaps not licking as we all constantly piss ourselves. Inner Thigh to Inner Thigh I'd say, if a woman approaches you Inner Thigh forward and she'd wearing a slanket or muumuu it's one of us.