I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

Because they have the better view of your garden

The dark lord confirms it wasn’t him. He was Holland on a diamond exchange programme.

I think the fuckers should clean up their own rubbish. You can’t do it, your pissy slanket will get cold. Maybe the old trail of Krispy kremes trick?

Project i quite agree, even if the rubbish is mine I'm not clearing it up. I'm lazy dammit! Lazy and proud of it. Maybe the wind over the coming week will continue to rearrange it into a less cryptic message.

Maybe you could just pop it quietly over the fence? Serves in so many instances - wind-blown rubbish, dog shit, bodies...

Hello, can I join? I've been trapped in AIBU since the weekend, and I kept wanting to lie down and bang my head on something. In a flash of inspiration I realised I should move to thighland and go into witness protection. I've seen things.......Anyway, I don't have any skills, but I can be quite arsey if pushed. I lead a very quiet life and already lie down a lot. I live with an elderly retired fuckboy who talks a lot, but I have learned to sleep with my eyes open. I just keep him to empty the bins, really.

Greetings, Caroline! Every soul saved from
AIBU is a good thing. I’m sure you have the requisite skills, and indeed hidden talents which you just don’t know about yet. Thighland is a lace of discovery and reverse improvement.

Is the retired fuckboy retired from fucking, or a fuckboy retired from something else?

Rather than sleep with your eyes open, I suggest getting some of the those stick on eyes and popping them on your eyelids, or even over an eye mask. Fuckboys are quite simple.

Excuse my name change, thisters, it’s Archers Thread related.

am getting a message through from the rubbish, OOoooooh it is saying 'Please remove next doors friendly children from our vicinity before we lose our shit'

Dangly I think your psychic line was interrupted. I got a message via my inner thigh, that said "please ask next door's friendly children to remove loose shit from our vicinity"

Rubbish divining is a dying art. I once predicted the end of the world from an old bean can and a bounty wrapper.

I once rescued a feral cat from an old tin can. He was not grateful. Welcome Caroline.

thigh, my deity, I know this is anathema, but I think you should gather the rubbish. Then burn it next to the trampoline. But not too close or the fence will go up.

I am sorry o my gracious muse, but I think it for the best ultimately. Set the pile to blaze when the kids are bouncing. After all, it is the long game we are concerned with here in Thighland. Reverse improvement trend related.

Hello Lido, thanks for the welcome! Jury is still out on fuck boy's exact role. He is retired from "work" but spends much of his time tinkering with cars. He then comes in and gives me a detailed account of every ingenious mechanical feat he has achieved. Thanks for the tip about the stick on eyes;-) As I say, he is useful for the bins, but the main advantage he brings is his Winter Fuel Allowance. It's like a dowry for old people.

Thanks Kleptronic!

Welcome Pooter this is a safe space for women who won't. Won't what you say?

Won't do anything at all for anyone else, except the rest of the sisterhood. For ourselves we cheerfully and with great vigour solve all manner of problems.

If you're ok with lying down, eating snax and pissing in your slanket to repel visitors - you've already felt your Inner Thigh.

I think re the rubbish and the cheerful waving children i will combine all your thadvice.

How about setting fire to each piece of rubbish and launching them separately at the little cherubs/twats.

Is it Chinese New Year? I'll shout Kung Hey Fat Choi with every missile. Teaching them language skillz innit.

Hi Pooter

I’m intrigued by your fuckboy. I wonder if he could use his mechanical skillz to build something useful for Thighland. Maybe a portable snack vending machine, or armoured guest repeller?

Well thigh it is the year of the pig (wink)

Welcome Pooter 👋

As others have said you do sound very 'thigh'. You'll like it here much better than AIBU, the last time I went there I found a woman who's fuckboy was demanding she wax her bum hole!!

I was astonished! This could never happen in Thighland! Her bum hole would have been the least of his grooming concerns!

Anyway sorry for reading thigh's rubbish wrongly folks. naked was right, my connection was interrupted! It was my first spiritual experience you see and I was distracted by a Monster Munch packer drifting in the wind screaming 'Help Me'!!

I know it might constitute effort to build, but having a small rubbish fire constantly smouldering in the back garden does seem quite thigh in keeping with the hostess trolley in the overgrown front garden and the pissy slanket . It may well keep the neighbours at bay and some may even make plans to move out.

Thanks thigh, I think I'm going to be happy here, and I will do my best for the sisterhood. Not only am I a woman who won't, I'm someone whose motto has always been "I won't apologise cos I'm not sorry"
Waxed bumhole, you say? Truly these are dark times. How ironic...in the prehistoric era when child one was born, NHS policy dictated full shave and enema, yet a mere 4.5 years later it had been made optional, and child two emerged out of the forest as nature intended. Now it seems people are subjecting themselves to something their mothers were furious about.
I have just realised that my special skill could be ranting furiously about stupid things that happened decades ago. If anyone needs any help or support, I am always available.

Well just had a tiny look in AIBU and seen there is a pancake day tantrum.

This has inspired me. Those northerners amongst you (no judgement) will agree that northerners often chase cheese, round i presume, down hills.

I'm sure we could do something similar with pancakes. Maybe combine it with our lawn flattening business?

Whoever is laziest gets to throw pieces of pancake into the gaping maw of the nearest rollee as they pass.

Pooter i really don't understand this obsession with deforestation of the glorious woman. I'm working on a full pelt and it's going very well. If anyone waxes my bumhole they'll be very sorry for i will weaponise it.

I've heard that some people bleach this bumhole too. I hope only white people do this or it would be akin to a startled panda.

Next women will simply douse themselves in napalm for deforestation. As the great Joni Mitchell said "piss off with your ddt and stick it up your own arse".

Pooter I'm glad you are an old hag, the older the better i say. Tell us, was Churchill as handy with a cigar as Clinton?

Thislido these stick on eyes are a stroke of genius! One on one eyelid and the other over the opposite eyebrow. Along with our tattooed faces and pissy slankets this would really unnerve people. Project if you are still in employment (sigh) this could be the final step to demotion.

I think our advice clinic has a 100% success rate. No problem so far has stumped us, we have inadvertently become successful at something. This troubles me, is this reverse reverse improvement? It's such important work, saving women from cares and worrying about bumholes. I'm worried that it's a passion and that's something I generally avoid in all things, too much effort innit.

Oh Gainsborough, you are going to be disappointed. He is not one for making things, He is more of a healer. BUT! I still think there could be a solution to the recycling problem. He does have a horror of discarding things, and is wont to rescue "useful" bits and pieces from our own bins. He has premonitions that one day he will need that very thing he is discarding, and fears a lifetime of regret. So if anyone has some usefully complex things ie "Well it would take you hours to make one" you can send them here!