I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

thigh it is a good skill set to have! I'm so glad I studied for it in Bangkok!

It doesn't stretch as much as it used to!

Should I be blowing the trumpet at the same time do you think?

So many excellent ideas!

An 18 foot high stage for exotic dancing. Dangly does her fanny/rugby ball routine. You Project should have a continuous supply of huge rubber flesh coloured dildoes that you rip off and throw in their innocent little faces. Thislido and i will do our pissing in slankets and throwing boiling oil trick. Getting throws lethal boomerangs. And Naked bellows maths through a loudhailer

Dangly arse for trumpet.

I think all you need is Naked to explain algebra to them in a whisper through the fence. So blameless ... and yet so sinister.

No one's visited the clinic for advice in quite some time. Are we unapproachable?

WOWW! It sounds like the set of 'Greatest Showman'

exited

Yes, Naked is an excellent weapon. She's got 5 children and knows proper maths.

It's like a Thinking of You card isn't it? Very sinister, yet oh so blameless.

Also cryptic poetry, what was it Project?

I stand and shriek your name as the moon wanes
I think always of you and your swanlike fragile neck
We will be together until deaths sweet embrace
My heart is laid always at your door, evermore

The assorted offspring could be human cannon balls? Presumably naked’s can do maths as they flight through the air.

I like how your poem combines the threat of a broken neck with organ donation.

I’m getting adverts for “training collars” for dogs.

That poem would be best delivered in a box with an actual heart. I believe you can get them from the butchers, should the organ bucket be empty.

Thislido hmm yes, not really satisfied with my poem. Organ donation is ok but really want to illustrate organ harvesting. I'll take a note pad to bed and work on my poetry skillz.

A heart 🖤 shaped box with a heart inside. Just cute.

Thislido why training collars? Is someone sending you a subliminal message? If so, who, what and why?

I've been worrying that we're not very effective as an advice clinic. Is it OK that we only help ourselves, write threatening poetry, piss our slankets and choreograph empowering exotic dance routines at working men's clubs?

I blame you lot, i thought maybe they were for the kids, to keep them inside the Centre Parcs boundaries.

I'm thinking........…yes?

I think it’s fone. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it piss on its slanket.

Fine not fone

lido I’m getting ads for ‘angel’ readings and will-making. I’m not sure who they think I am, but they’re rather mistaken.

It’s all the talk of murder.

Do you think we should be less ... weird?

Thislido yessss

It's been staring us in the face all this time! We get the DBSers to drive the secret bus to centre parcs and bus these cheerful little wavers right out of my life.

But I'm so happy here, so very happy. I can't change now, not after all this reverse improvement.